Wizard spell list pathfinder

Give me your power ranking of the top 5 members of the DA?
Harry mentions on their way to the Department of Mysteries that Ginny, Neville, and Luna were not the three people they'd want to take from the DA... WHO ELSE DOES HE WANT?
My defense for them is this:
Ginny is an OBVIOUS choice for a top three. She's a badass and her hexes are unrivaled. Clear top three.
Neville might be a little outside the top three, but I ask you, WHO in the ENTIRE DA has improved more than he has. And my man has seen things that most of the DA couldn't even fathom. This man learns quick, HAS THE WRONG WAND, and still is crushing. Easy top 3 for me.
Luna might be outside the top three normally as well, but tell me someone who is more creative than Luna? While everyone is trying to stun, Luna is out here trying to turn people into rabbits, and make their earwax fly out of their ears into their eyes. I think being a truly great wizard means you need to be creative. Dumbledore is creative in his spells. I think Luna would be in my top three as well.
If Fred and George were still at the school, I'd want them to come as well, but HARRY?! Who else from the DA are you picking? Zecharias Smith? Cho "I can't focus because I have a crush on Harry" Chang?
Which leads me to my next question...what's your power ranking of the DA members...who is the top 5?
Members include: Hannah Abbott, Lavender Brown, Katie Bell, Susan Bones, Terry Boot, Cho Chang, Michael Corner, Colin Creevey, Dennis Creevey, Marietta Edgecombe, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Seamus Finnigan, Anthony Goldstein, Hermione Granger, Angelina Johnson, Lee Jordan, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Ernie Macmillan, Padma Patil, Parvarti Patil, Harry Potter, Zacharias Smith, Alicia Spinnet, Dean Thomas, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ginny Weasley, and Ron Weasley (Seamus as well).

If you're not sure if you want to rush, see When and Why to rush 2023. There are many other good guides already that will tell you how to go about rushing a new alt, but none that describe how I do it, so I am writing this one. If you don't want to rush, that's fine; this is not the guide for you.
TLDR: This is how I strategically rush accounts in early 2023. There are many guides like it, but this one is mine.
Step 0: make a goal
What do you want the account to do? Everything that you do will be working towards the goal. The goal greatly determines the plan. A common goal is to be a utility alt: an account that you can use to supplement your clan's performance in clan games and clan capital (which only require being TH6 or higher), and that you can sub in for your mid-or-lower CWL lineup when you need a warm body to fill the map (so to speak). Being able to donate is a plus too. Of course, fully maxing TH15 (or whatever the highest level is by the time you get there) is an acceptable goal too.
Step 1: make a plan
For CWL performance we're going to want to get to TH15 asap. Even level 1 defenses at th15 will be difficult for a th7 or whatever to three star. Max level troops and camps will be desirable, as will access to the full array of pets and heroes. Even a level 5 RC does well against a th10.
We need to select a small number of war troops to focus on first. Dragzap is a good first war army because all you have to level up are dragons and lightning, and you get those early, before the barracks upgrades get painfully long. Later on you can level up a variety of spells that have synergy with dragons, like bats. Other good war armies that use a small number of troops exist too, and it doesn't matter which you pick. Edrags is a popular low-troop-count army; electro titans and wizards can work too. Witches + a tank troop are also a good low-troop-count war army. Mass miners work well when dipping too, though you need a plan to take care of the CC troops.
For farming I focus on sneaky goblins. Some people prefer other farming armies and that's fine, you can level those up instead if you want.
Step 2: the speed rush
The name of the game until th12 or th13 is going to be speed, and the reason for this is the excellent set of bonuses that you get when you upgrade to a new TH level. We call it new-TH-power-potion but it's much more than a power potion, because you also get a hero potion and a 4x star bonus. As long as you can ride the new-TH bonuses you won't have to level up the farming troops you're using, so if we can blitz through the first 12 TH levels as fast as possible you don't have to slow yourself down in the lab leveling up irrelevant troops.
So, you do the tutorial and start your account. If you're going to buy builders, buy them early. The first builder pack is $2.99 USD as of this writing, and that's a good value. The next pack to think about is the current version of the "one time kingly offer" which as of this writing is $4.99 and is only available once you hit th5. This offer comes and goes, and if you know it's there, don't buy the fourth builder; instead sprint to th5 and then buy the offer. If the offer isn't around (it usually only lasts two days) then buy the fourth builder and use gems for the fifth.
It's OK to gem the first couple storage upgrades because they are so inexpensive that it's worth it to save time. You want to get your new account into a clan with your main so that you can feed it CC balloons, which make the first few goblin levels (and your first few multiplayer attacks) super easy.
Focus upgrades on what is needed to upgrade the TH. Most of your builders will be on storages at first. When convenient, which it will be early on, do some barracks and camp upgrades. Try to get as many barracks upgrades done as you can before you start raiding in multiplayer because it's painful to be trying to build armies while the barracks are upgrading. This will be a much more important consideration later.
My first multiplayer attacks use barbs with a few archers, and CC loons. If you do your first few attacks as a TH6 during clan games you will clean up on the low level and star and percentage based clan games quests because of how bad the bases are at low trophy levels.
In terms of defenses, if it's convenient (resources and builder time) it's OK to start upgrading one cannon, one archer tower and one mortar. We'll need those for gear-ups later. Note that the Otto unlock requirements might be about to change but as of right now, we need to gear up these three, so it's not bad to start leveling them in preparation. Leveling up other defenses isn't needed. If you ever are overflowing on loot, just dump it into walls.
Play the CWL tutorial early in order to get the 50 free bonus medals. Save those to buy a builder potion for 30 medals to get through th5 or th6 quickly. It's possible to spend an hour at th6 before starting the upgrade to th7.
There is a mini/intro quest system at TH6 and lower now; it's OK to work towards those achievements in order to get the resources you need for upgrades but don't stress about getting all of them because when you hit TH7 you get whatever rewards you haven't earned yet. The most important reward is the book of building that you get at the end: it's crucial to save this for your upgrade to TH11.
Start playing builder base as soon as you can. At Bh2 or Bh3 even once you've exhausted your loot attacks, push to 1000 trophies for the achievement; this might be what lets you get your last builder. Don't bother leveling up any troops in the lab. Focus on leveling BH as quickly as possible; we want to get the storage capacity over 1 mil in order to buy resources with capital medals as soon as possible. I farm with all barbs until I unlock baby dragons, then I farm with those. If you are going to keep farming to get otto (note that the rules for getting otto are about to change) then it's OK to level up whatever your otto plan calls for. I tend to farm on builder base until my new-th-power-potion runs out (after like a month and a half) and then I either stop playing, or attack with BM + carts only. If you upgrade with collectors alone you can still unlock otto in like a year, maybe less now that we can buy resources with clan capital medals.
If you're lucky there will be an event of some kind going on, maybe an event map; these typically have 500k/500k/5k rewards, which is a lot if you are TH7 or earlier. You might consider doing an event attack just enough to fill your storages of whatever resource you need and then quit in order to save resources for later.
I usually buy one new-TH bonus pack around th5 or th6 in order to minimize wait time. Around this point is when it will make sense to start the longer (8+ hour) defenses right before you start the TH upgrade. You have to place the various new buildings before you can upgrade your TH, but you don't have to complete them. This is where the big pile of gold from those new TH bonus packs comes in handy. Starting around TH7 the new TH packs become too pricey for my tastes; if you're going to spend money TH7+ buy gold pass.
At TH7 you will find yourself pausing to do a little catch-up. It's good to get your camps to 200 capacity and to unlock dragons, which will be the primary farming troop for the next few TH levels. Your storages will also be big enough by now to use clan capital medals for resources, which will help, because farming kind of sucks before your spell factory catches up. Keep your lab upgraded to the current TH level, keep the spell factory maxed until you get it to level 5 at TH10.
Don't bother farming for DE at TH7; instead farm quests (silver pass or gold pass) until you get to a DE reward and use that to buy the BK. Do the same to get the AQ at TH9. Be sure to upgrade the DE storage at least once, maybe twice before you get to TH9. You're going to want to be able to hold at last 25k DE before you get to TH11.
Once you get the dark spell factory, level it up to three in order to unlock haste. Further levels of the DSF can be postponed until it's convenient; similarly, spell factory levels above 5 can also be postponed.
In the lab, priority 1 at all times is goblins. Remember the new-TH-power-potion? You shouldn't need to level up anything else in order to farm but you will need level 7 goblins in order to unlock sneaky goblins the moment you hit th11. Also level up barbs and archers because their levels affect the free troops that you'll get from the BK and AQ. Once you get to TH9 or so you'll want to start leveling earthquake and haste (or whatever spells you use with sneaky goblins: I use EQ and haste of my own, and then have invisibility in the CC.) When you have finished upgrading goblins, barbs, archers and whatever spells you've decided on, it's OK to put lab time into whatever war related troops or spells you have decided that you will need. So e.g. if dragons are going to be your first war troop, it's fine to upgrade those if you're caught up on goblins.
Step 3: the slowdown
As you move through TH9 and TH10 you'll definitely notice things taking more days before you can start the next TH upgrade. Multiplayer farming with dragzap at TH7+ should let you climb in trophies, and try to climb enough to get the achievements to get your 5th builder if you haven't already. There are enough achievements that you might have 5 builders before you get dragons, too.
What might take the longest time at TH10 is doing the lab upgrade and then upgrading goblins to level 7. I lucked out on my most recent account: the clan games for that month had a book of fighting, so I was able to rush complete the goblin upgrade. Then I started the TH11 upgrade and rush completed it with the book of building saved from the pre-TH7 quest system, and now it's goblin time.
Step 4: goblin time
Th11 can actually be rushed through pretty quickly too. Switch entirely to sneaky goblins for farming. (Or switch to whatever your late game farming troop is if it's different.) You'll want to be careful about barracks upgrades messing with your daily farming. You'll want to be as high in trophies as practical to maximize the return on your 4x star bonus. You probably won't need to do any actual boost sessions because you won't have enough builders to spend your loot fast enough.
200 camp capacity is still enough to farm with sneaky goblins at TH11, and also at TH12. The importance of upgrading fast is starting to slow down now that you have sneaky goblins so if you want to pause to upgrade camps that's OK, but it's still not essential. I usually go to TH12 as quickly as I can.
Keep going on lab upgrades of earthquake and haste because we're going to want them maxed out before the new-TH bonuses disappear.
The five TH weapon upgrades at TH12 might consume the remaining new-Th-power-potion time. This is when I start to put builders on getting every hero to level 5 or higher. It's important to keep working on storages too, though they can be a little behind still, especially if you have gold pass. In fact if you do have gold pass you've probably been dumping resources into walls for a while.
At Th12 you are probably closing in on your first month of play time on the account (depending on if you bought builders and/or gold pass). Now it's time to make some decisions about the future. If you're lucky (or your clan sucks) you've been able to be on the war map for CWL, but for me I usually need the second month of upgrades before the account is ready for that (my clan is in crystal league for CWL). The best use of CWL medals is builder potions; at this point your upgrades are too low-level for hammers to be worthwhile. Keep your builders busy and boost them strategically with builder potions. When you do start doing CWL you'll find that even if you have Th15 level war troops, having heroes under level 20 is painfully difficult.
Step 5: the end of the beginning
Keep upgrading TH as quickly as you can, continuing to rely on sneaky goblins. Buy them with DE; save super potions in case you accidentally find yourself out of DE and needing more sneakies. In general try to spend magic items as little as you can.
I like to have a couple builders on storages and a couple on heroes, in addition to the one builder dedicated to the TH weapon, but that doesn't leave any builders for the new required buildings at each new TH level, which are starting to take more and more time at this point. So compromises will be needed and you'll have to judge which of the priorities you can slow down on in the short term in order to keep the upgrade treadmill going.
Books of building: as you acquire BOBs, use them on whatever the longest upgrades you have are, or on the most annoying upgrades like the barracks. If you have unlocked the barracks levels you need for your initial war army it's OK to hold off on further barracks upgrades in order to make farming less painful.
At TH12+ you typically will need to be less lazy about farming. Troop potions start to be super handy. For this reason using the BOB on the barracks can be a good quality of life measure.
Books of fighting/spells: save this for strategic use on your war army. If your war troop has 3 levels, use the BOF to speed level 3 not level 2 (unless you know you'll be getting another BOF for level 3 later.)
Builder base tip: unlock dropships (which normally you wouldn't use in an otto rush) and then when you upgrade to th14 or th15, use that new-th-power-potion to attack with dropminion and push for the achievement at 3000 trophies. On one account this didn't occur to me until later, and I ended up using a regular power potion to push to 3k for the gems.
Plan ahead when it comes to storage upgrades, particularly DE storage, and the next TH level's DE expenditures. In order to unlock royal champion you need to hold enough DE for that in your storage. Same goes for the monolith at th15. You want to get the RC to level 5 asap, so you may need some storage upgrades to enable that.
When you get the workshop, consider if you actually have to level it up. For personal use you can put whatever siege you need into your CC using capital medals, and you might want to delay the long builder time on workshop upgrades until later.
When you get the pet house, you want to max it out in order to access a variety of pets, but those upgrades are also very time consuming and expensive. This might be a good use of books or even hammers. If you are eventually going to want to max the account then it's not bad to start leveling up pets as soon as you unlock the ones that you are going to want leveled, but if this is going to be a side account that never maxes, level 1 pets are fine. For CWL you are likely to be doing dip attacks and a level one frosty or diggy is just fine when you're hitting a th11 or whatever. I used gems to buy BOBs for the pet house on one account.
Step 6: the long grind
This stage starts when you are at th15 with a single maxed out war army. The priority here is filling out your infrastructure like pets and storages, and then getting your heroes up. At this point I usually stop farming on an account and only do upgrades with clan capital medals, clan games rewards and CWL loot. There's usually some serious backfilling going on here.
When you backfill, go deep not wide. By this I mean instead of upgrading every archer tower to level 2, then every tower to level 3, then every one to level 4, upgrade one or two of them to the point where the next upgrade would be long enough to justify using a book of building. Then wait until you have a BOB and nothing higher priority to use it on.
As you start to upgrade defenses do the big ones first because that's where the most bang for your buck will be in CWL. TH weapon, eagle, infernos, scattershots, you know the drill. Use a hammer for the level 2 monolith upgrade. Spell towers seem OP enough to bring to level 3 pretty quickly, and you can use gold on them which you'll have plenty of. Big defenses are also where the most bang for your buck is in terms of BOB use.
As you think about what defenses might make your rushed base less bad in CWL, don't ignore bomb towers and air sweepers. Usually the person tasked with clearing you will be low level, and low level or less experienced players are less good at dealing with these defenses. Same goes for the tornado trap: it's a fine thing to level up early. If you see yourself getting hit with lots of edrags, leveling up seeking air mines makes sense. And, obviously, airdef. Max airdef will shut down a th11 edrag attacker cold.
Base layout really doesn't matter, in war or in multiplayer. As a hyper-rushed account you'll be three starred by anybody seriously trying. For CWL I'll use a halfway decent base from the internet or copied from one of my other accounts, just to make the attacker have to at least use their fingers instead of face-smashing their ipad, but for multiplayer I just leave my layout in a convenient upgrade layout all the time and it's fine. I still get shields, and since I'm not farming, and am so rushed, I can spend down the resources I get, so I'm not losing huge amounts of loot. (And loot is easy to come by in multiplayer.)
Still try to keep builders busy. This can be a good time to finish maxing out mines and collectors. That passive loot is real nice when you're not actively farming, and it also is a good way to give back to the community. People will love love love running into your base in multiplayer, and it's always nice to know that on every defense you are brightening somebody's day, especially if you don't log into the account between raid weekends.
If you are trying to max the account out, the long grind is when the rubber really hits the road. Prioritize heroes, any remaining offense buildings, and then defenses. Again, go deep not wide, but still keep builders busy, even if it's only on a low cost trap upgrade. If you've been keeping up on builder base then you'll have the sixth builder; in fact currently you can get the sixth builder in about a year of just collector income.
If you attack every day (or whenever a builder is about to free up) you should be able to be competitive with non-rushed TH15s in war or in legends league in approximately 1-2 years. It might seem like a long time, but good news: you're a hardcore strategy gamer, and the long grind for the ultimate payoff is what we do for fun.
Conclusion
In many ways we are living in a golden age of clash. Loot is plentiful, the game hasn't died yet, and there are lots of interesting and different ways to play. If this is your first time rushing an alt, I hope the advice here will be useful to you.

First off, this is a throwaway account so I'll be as transparent as possible. If you guys have any questions regarding anything I say, I'll be answering them as much as I can.
For some context, I play in Luna server and I make living off MapleStory. In other words, I don't have a job apart from playing this stupid mushroom game. I don't play the game for fun, but I play it because this is literally my only option for me to earn money. I'm not entirely going to go over on how I make the money, but all I can say is that I have a Frenzy Totem and I have couple computers that are running 24/7. And I know I'm not the only one doing this, I know couple friends of mine in my server who does the same. RMT is pretty common and accessible in Luna. And I'm pretty sure there will be more abusive players in NA servers.
Recently, over the past year or two, there had been many changes regarding spawn enhancers, different items and generally, the economy.
At first, massive amount of bots were gone and this made the mesos a lot more valuable. I was a Frenzy service seller back then and this was honestly a great news for me, as Frenzy service was more approachable to average players and the whole sales of Frenzy Service increased greatly. Because the mesos valued higher, I only made more profit off it. This is when I started to rely on maplestory, financially.
Luna has a pretty unstable economy. Because of how small the player base is, if you have enough money, you could literally go out and control the entire market for various things. I've been occasionally doing this to gain enormous profit. For example, what worked great before (about a year ago) was literally buy out all the Spell Traces from the auction house before the fever time and control the price. So that all the spell trace listings were literally just mine. Nowadays this became more difficult, as spell traces became easier to obtain.
My frenzy service had been going pretty well, as well as other stuff I cannot mention, but only until the sudden drop coupon change. Not only did this lowered the frenzy service price by half, but generally less people were buying the service. Ultimately, I had to quit selling the frenzy service, as I was only getting about 30% (on a good day) of what I've been earning before. I just lost the motivation in selling more service. Thus my income had to rely on other, more abusive stuff that were against the TOS. Since the drop coupon changes, because of the things I've been doing, I could've been banned at any given moment and have no financial income at all.
About the Commerci changes, I was somewhat controlling the market of Commerci items and because I know that Commerci gears will no longer sell, I'm afraid of what will happen in the future. At the same time, I did sort of expect this to happen once the Twilight Mark becomes tradable.
Thanks for reading my story, I just wanted to get this off my chest. The reason why I'm making this thread is mostly because out of my frustration on things Nexon are doing right now. As soon as the Frenzy Totem becomes obsolete (similar to what happened to the Drop Coupon changes, Wild Totem and Commerci.) my life would be literally over. Nexon needs to honestly stop making sudden changes without announcing beforehand.

By the looks of it Sorcerers and Wizards will have the same spell list, the same way of preparing spells, the same hit dice, armor and weapon proficiencies.
Especially as Wizards won't be focusing on schools of magic anymore - what should the design space for the classes look like?

CONSTANTIA
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11-AM EST - 12PM EST
7.10.2022
"THE NERDS IN THE HOOD"
AUTHOR: CHAD XZAVIER HARRIS
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7.26.2022
1:49PM EST -
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THERE'S CHAOS EVERYWHERE
GRAND THEFT AUTO ONLINE OUTSIDE
WHY? WHY? ASK OUR GOVERNMENT
YOUR GOVEY IS SO SNEAKY
YOU BELIEVE EVERY SINGLE THING THEY SAY
LIKE A 'COON
RACOON
THE BURGLAR OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM
DRESSED FOR THE JOB HE WANTS RIGHT?
IF MICHAEL CORLEONE WAS LEGITIMATE ALL ALONG
HOW WOULD IT LOOK?
THE NERD FATHER
NERD FELLAS
THE ECONOMIC LADDER SHOULD AT LEAST BE VISIBLE
IF YOU EVER WANTED TO CLIMB THE ECONOMIC LADDER
HERE
THE STREET FELLAS DON'T NECESSARILY PICK THIS UP IN THE STREETS
IF YOU KNEW HOW TO GET OUT WHY WOULD YOU STAY IN?
THIS IS NOT A GUIDE BOOK
THIS IS AN EXPERIENCE
MY EXPERIENCE
2:09PM EST
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THE NERDS IN THE HOOD
THEY DON'T PLAY...THEY STUDY
THEY STUDIED WHATEVER WAS ON THEIR HEARTS
THEY FOLLOWED THEIR DESTINY
THEY NEVER ROLLED
YOU SEE THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT SETS TRAPS
THEY SET TRAPS
TRAPS ALL OVER THE PLACE RIGHT?
TRAPS EVERY WHERE YOU GO
PRETTY TRAPS TOO
THE TYPES YOU PICK THEM UP OH LOOK AT THE PRETTY FLOWER
KAPISH KABOOM GOODBYE FORGET ABOUT IT
FORGET ABOUT IT?
PAULIE THESE GUYS PICK IT UP IN THE STREETS
THEY SEE IT EVERYDAY
IT'S IMPRINTED
NOT TO MENTION GANGSTER RAP
NOT TO MENTION GANGSTER RAP
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 1970'S - 1980'S HIP HOP AND 1990'S GANGSTER RAP?
FIGURE IT OUT YOU FIGURE OUT THE STREETS
SMILES AND CRIES
NO ONE TELLS THE GANGBANGER
HEY...IT'S THE NERDS WHO MAKE IT OUT OF HERE ALIVE AND FREE
BE A NERD
BE A NERD?
YOU THINK THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT DOESN'T FEAR THE NERDS?
NO...THEY FEAR YOU
YOU WITH THE GUN
AND THE RAP SHEET
OR THE PROFILE
WITH YOUR PRETTY PICTURE ON A DRY ERASE BOARD
NO A POSTER BOARD
WITH ALL OF YOUR HEY HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?
HOW'D THEY KNOW THAT?
FRANKIE THE FEDS HAVE PARABOLIC MICS!
EVER HEARD A SNAKE FART IN ETHIOPIA?
FEDS HAVE
INFORMATION BRINGS INFORMATION
VIOLENCE BRINGS VIOLENCE
YOU START THAT AND WHAT YOU GOT?
YOU GOT A WAR
FEELINGS? THERE'S NO FEELINGS FOR THIS COUNTRY
ANARCHY?
YOU GOT ANARCHY?
THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT THEY DESTROYED THE DESCENDANTS
THE DESCENDANTS FROM AFRICA
AFRIKA
HOWEVER YOU DO SPELL IT
THE JAIL SYSTEMS WORKED WITH THE MUSIC INDUSTRY
NEGATIVE MUSIC FREQUENCY AS IN LOWEST FREQUENCY
NO 432 OR 528
THE LYRICS WERE NEGATIVE
SUBCONSCIOUS PROGRAMMING OF SOCIAL STUPIDITY
GROUP FOOLISHNESS THEORY
THERE'S NO THEORY
YOU FELL FOR IT?
CAUSE YOU FELL FOR IT
THE HOOD IS WHERE THEY WANT US
SCREW THEM
YOU CAN MAKE IT OUT
YOU MIGHT NOT
IT'S YOUR DESTINY EITHER WAY BC THE DESTINY IS YOURS
YOUR DESTINY DOESN'T CHANGE BUT ATTAINING DESTINY CHANGES THE FATE WITH NOT ATTAINING
FATE IS JUST YOUR LAST SITUATION
THIS SITUATION WILL DIFFER IN EACH SCENARIO
THERE ARE TWO SCENARIOS
YOU ACHIEVE YOUR DESTINY OR YOU DO NOT
EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE OTHER THAN PURSUING DESTINY IS A DISTRACTION
A DISTRACTION FROM MANIFESTING THE DESTINY GOD CHOSE FOR YOUR SOUL
TREASON
LIES AND OUTRAGE
MAY SOMEONE SHOW YOU MERCY WHERE YOU END
FAST MONEY AND FAST BOOTY IS THE QUICKEST WAY TO GET THE SILLIES OUT OF HERE
THERE'S A PLAYBOOK AND A RULE BOOK
IF YOU FOLLOW THE RULES AND RUN THE PLAYS
YOU'RE A CHAMPION
IF YOU DON'T THEN IT'S CHALLENGING
KOBE BRYANT WAS A NERD
THEY COULDN'T LET A NERD LIKE THAT GET AN OSCAR
PAULIE HE GOT AN OSCAR
FOR A SHORT ANIMATED
HE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN SIX
HE WAS ON WALL STREET
CHADWICK BOSEMAN WAS A HISTORICAL FIGURE
AFTER PORTRAYING HISTORICAL FIGURES HIS ENTIRE CAREER
BLACK PEOPLE WILL GET ALONG BETTER IF WE STOP TALKING TO EACH OTHER LIKE BLACK PEOPLE
AFRICAN AMERICAN DIALECT OF AMERICAN ENGLISH
SPEAK AMERICAN ENGLISH LIKE THE GOD FATHER
LIKE JOSEPH A. GOTTI
IT'S NOT YOU THE FEDS ARE AFRAID OF
IT'S ME
IT'S US
THE NERD GANG
THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK LIKE ME
I THINK SCARIER TO THE FEDS THAN THE RICHEST DRUG DEALER IN THE WORLD
ALL BC I'M LEGIT AND THEY CAN'T RUN MY RECORD
EVEN IF I HAVE A RECORD
IT WILL MAKE THEM SAD
I'M THE THREAT TO THE AMERICAN ESTABLISHMENT
I AM THE REPRESENTATION OF WHY EXACTLY THEY DON'T WANT YOU FOCUSED ON YOUR DESTINY
IN THE FIRST PLACE FRANKIE
THAT'S THE TRUTH
HOW DO YOU HONOR THAT?
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5:41PM EST -
7.10.2022
SUNDAY
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HEY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT HERE?
LET'S SET THINGS STRAIGHT
CAN WE NOT WE MAKE IT RIGHT?
HEY THEY DID THAT I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT
I HAVE THE CODES TO THE UNIVERSE AND YOU'RE OUT HERE FOU GAZING
THE CODES TO THE UNIVERSE MUST BE
EARNED
BESTOWED UPON
IN YOUR FACE
ON YOUR FACE
ON YA AND IN YA
PAUSING PAULIE PAUSED
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE NERDY?
TO BE OR NOT TO BE...A NERD?
THE NERDS?
THOSE GOOFY LOOKING SONS OF PEOPLE
SONS OF MAN?
SONS OF MAN
HUMAN BEINGS
MAN KIND
GOT IT?
KAPICHE?
FANZO?
WE ARE NEGRO HERE
YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE
STAY OUT OF THE CIRCUS
THERE'S A CIRCUS WITHIN THE JUNGLE
STAY OUT OF THE CIRCUS...ONCE AGAIN
JET OUT OF JUNGLE
JET
SON
THE AMERICAN JUSTICE SYSTEM WANTS YOU
WITH THE FLINT STONES RIGHT?
IT'S CAUSE AND EFFECT
MOTIVE AND OPPORTUNITY
GIVE THEM THE OPPORTUNITY THEY HAVE THE MOTIVE
THE NERDS FOLLOW THE CODE
THE NERD RUNS THE WORLD
WHOSE SCARIER?
KOBE BRYANT OR CHADWICK BOSEMAN?
WHO HAS MORE POWER?
WHO WIELDS IT MORE GODLY?
WE LOST THEIR ENERGY
THEIR PRESENCE
​
THE STREET GUYS MEET THE FATE OF THE STREET GUYS
IT WAS NEVER WORTH THE FATE
THE SCARIEST NERD IN HOLLYWOOD AND WALL STREET
PATRICK KENNEDY
A LIFE NEVER FILMED
THE NERD RUNS THE GAME
THE STREETS THRIVE FROM NEGATIVITY ITSELF...IN ESSENCE
YOUR DREAMS HOWEVER...REQUIRE POSITIVE ENERGY
WHAT'S THE MOVE? WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO GO?
TAKE YOUR HAND OFF OF THE PIECE MUCH?
THE UNIVERSAL LAWS TO SUCCESS
YOU WANT THEM?
HEY THEY DON'T COME CHEAP
THEY'RE THE REAL DEAL
HEY LOOK AT YOU
YOUR CODE TO SUCCESS IS ALMOST CRIMINAL
JUST COMPARED TO MINE OK GOD FORBID WE PULL THEIR CHAIN IN PUBLIC
THE NERDS HAVE KEYS OUT
IT'S AN ECOSYSTEM
SOME OF THE STREET FELLAS ARE PROTECTING NERDS
YOU DON'T WANT THE FATE OF THE STREET FELLA
THE FATE OF THE SCARIEST NERD TURNS HISTORICAL
NOT STATISTICAL
BE THE RAREST STATISTIC
​
THE STATS ARE THE CHOICES
THE AMERICAN JUSTICE SYSTEM DOES NOT FEAR THE STREET CRIMERS
HOW DO YOU FEAR YOUR VICTIM A LITTLE RIGHT?
HONEST QUESTION
STREET CRIME BRANDS YOU
CAREER CRIMINAL
COMMIT CRIMES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
HORRIBLE USE OF SUCH A GIFT
DAM
THAT WAS THE BEST YOU COULD DO HA?
YOU TRIED HA?
YOU TRIED HA
IT HURTS TO BE THE NERD
YOU'LL BE FORCED TO YOUR CALLING ONE DAY
YOU'LL BE NEEDED ELSEWHERE
UNIVERSALLY SUMMONED
IT'S ABOUT THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE
THE CODE
​
NEGATED BY STREET CRIME
IF AS A NERD YOU CAN NOT ROCK STEADY AS A NERD
STREET CRIMERS WILL PULL YOU IN BADDA BING BADDA STATISTIC
​
6;46PM EST - FINISHED
7.11.2022
​
THE CIRCUS WITHIN THE JUNGLE
THE HOOD IS LIFE
LIFE HAS DIFFERENT HOODS
LIFE IS THE HOOD
THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT HOODS IN LIFE
THE HOOD?
WHAT HOOD?
WHO EVER TOLD YOU THERE WAS ONLY ONE HOOD?
EACH TAX BRACKET HAS ITS OWN HOOD
THE TAX BRACKET DETERMINES THE HOOD
IT'S AN ECONOMICAL JUNGLE
AN ECONOMICAL JUNCTION
STOCK FOOTAGE OF NATURE
THE WILDERNESS
IS YOUR HOOD
YOU KNOW TIGERS
AND BEARS
WITH LIONS OH
YOU'RE GOING DOWN
WHO PLAYS IN THE JUNGLE?
POP CULTURE IS THE CIRCUS
THE MEDIA IS THE CIRCUS
THE CIRCUS
WITHIN THE JUNGLE
NERDS IN THE HOOD
IS ANIMAL IN THE JUNGLE
WITH THE CIRCUS INSIDE OF THE JUNGLE
THERE IS A CIRCUS INSIDE THE JUNGLE
THE CIRCUS IS POP CULTURE MEDIA
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM AND MAN KINGDOM
ARE THE SAME
WE ARE INTELLIGENT SAVAGES
WILLING TO DO ANYTHING FOR A DOLLAR
FOR WHAT THE DOLLARS REPRESENT
THE VALUE OF WHAT YOU WANT
POTENTIALLY
POTENTIALLY?
POTENTIALLY
IN THE ECONOMIC SYSTEM ONLY THE LEGIT TAXABLE INCOME WILL
A LIFE OF CRIME IS THE SAME AS LIVING IN ANY NATIONAL PARK PROTECTED BY WILDLIFE
THE SAFEST AREA OF THE JUNGLE IS STILL IN THE JUNGLE
POP CULTURE PROMOTES CRIME
CRIME IS THE CIRCUS AS WELL
THESE ARE THE RULES
TAKE THEM OR LEAVE THEM
THEY SAY HEY JACK
USE YOUR PLATFORM FOR GOOD
HEY MA I HAVE A PLATFORM NOW
WE HAVE A PLALTFORM
US
YOU
ME
NOT THE BOZO PLATFORM
THEY GET IT AND DON'T EVEN MOVE RIGHT
WE MAKE A SANDWICH
WE TAKE OUR TIME
JELLY ON THE FLOOR
NOW WHOSE CLEANING UP?
WHAT'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A DRUG DEALER
AND A TIGER
ANY TYPE OF TIGER
INSERT TIGER INFO
​
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DEALING DRUGS AND SPENDING YOUR WHOLE LIFE FIGHTING A TIGER
OR RIDING THE BACK OF THE TIGER
ONLY ONE DAY TO FIND YOURSELF INSIDE
JFK RIGHT? THE INAUGUARAL
YOU WANT SOMETHING
YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN
THERE'S AN UNIVERSE WHERE IT HAPPENS
PROBABILITY VS POSSIBILITY
WE ALL GET 15 YEARS
MOST GET OUR 15 YEARS
15 YEARS HEY WHAT'S HE TALKING?
15 YEARS
WHEN YOU START A CAREER
10-15 YEARS OVERNIGHT SUCCESS
THIS IS NOT AN OVERNIGHT PROCESS
THE PROCESS IS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THE PROCESS
STAY IN LOVE WITH SAID PROCESS THRU PRACTICE
FOR DAM NEAR 2 DECADES
DECIDE TO NOT BE DETERRED FROM DESTINY WHILE DETERMINING WHERE TO DEDICATE YOU
DEDICATE YOURSELF TO SOMETHING A GOAL
NOT SOMEONE THAT'S A FANTASY
SWEET FANTASY MARIAH OBSESSED CAREY
ASK HER RIGHT?
SHE HAS HAD MANY FAILED RELATIONSHIPS
MORE SO THAN HER ALBUMS
SHE IS A LEGEND
MOST OF HER EXES ARE NOT
GRAB THE AXE
AXES SWUNG
SWINGS ON THE AXIS
THE NERDS STAY OUT OF THE CIRCUS
TO GET OUT OF THE JUNGLE
THE NERD IS WILLING TO PURSUE ONE RABBIT FOR 1.5 DECADES
EASY AS PIE RIGHT?
OR THERE'S ALWAYS SPIRITUAL PIE IN THE FACE MESSING AROUND IN THE CIRCUS
WE ARE ALL IN THE JUNGLE
THE CIRCUS MAKES IT HARDER TO GET OUT OF THE JUNGLE
SAMMY THE JUNGLE ALMOST ATE YOU ALIVE
TRAP MUSIC IS THE CIRCUS
TRAP MUSIC PUT THEM IN JAIL
THEY HAVE RICO DEALS FOR TRAP MUSIC NOW
HEY THAT WAS MADE FOR THE TRUE GANGSTERS
WHEN THEY WERE RECORDED SAYING SOMETHING ILLEGAL
IT WAS ACCIDENTE
ACCIDENTAL CIRCUMSTANCE
SOMETHING WAS IN THE AIR
A DANGLING MICROPHONE
LASAGNA IS STILL HERE
THE SILENCE IS GONE
MY LASAGNA IS MISSING THE OMERTA
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
HEY JALEN
REMEMBER AT MCDONALDS
SUPERVISOR ALLIE SAYS
I'M SORRY
IT SOUNDS LIKE I BEG YOUR PARDON
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
I'M SORRY?
I'M SORRY? I DON'T UNDERSTAND
IT SOUNDS GANGSTER
IF YOU LISTEN TO WHITE MUSIC YOU CAN STAY OUT OF JAIL LONGER
IF YOU MAKE WHITE MUSIC YOU STAY OUT OF JAIL LONGER
ALL MUSIC IS BLACK MUSIC
MUSIC BELONGS TO THE NEGRO
THE NEGRO MAKES THE BEST MUSIC PERIOD
PICK OTHER GENRES AND MAKE HALF HIP HOP
GO BACK TO HIP HOP
HIP HOP TAUGHT THE LISTENER
ALL GANGSTER TRAP RAP TEACHES IS HOW TO THROW AWAY YOUR FUTURE LOOKING AS COOL AS POSSIBLE DOING SO
KILL YOURSELF FOR A CAUSE
DIE FOR A CAUSE
AS AN ARTIST
I DIED FOR THIS CAUSE
I HAVE MY FIRST SHOT AT SUPERSTARDOM
WELL THEN THIS IS WHERE WE WANTED TO LEAVE FROM AND SO LET US GO
YOU ONLY GET ONE MOMENT
FROM THE GET GO
WE SEIZED OURS
SEIZE THE TRADING PROFITS
SEIZE THEN REACCESS PAULIE
THESE ARE YOUR DREAMS JOHN
THEY ARE COMING TRUE
EVERYONE ELSE HAS THEIR OWN DESTINY
IF THEY FOLLOW THRU WITH THEIRS THEN HOORAY FOR THEM
LIFE WILL BE A CINCH FOR THEM
HIM DOWNSTAIRS
FOR THOSE WHO DON'T
HIM UPSTAIRS
EARTH IS THE LAND WHERE THE DEVIL TEST'S MAN TO CORRUPT HIS SOUL
THE REALM OF THE UTTERLY DOOMED
SPIRITUAL WARFARE
IF YOU WALK IN YOUR DESTINY
THE JUNGLE CAN NOT HARM YOU
IT WOULDN'T WANT TO
THE UNIVERSE WOULDN'T WANT THE JUNGLE TO HARM YOU
YOU ARE IN THE JUNGLE ONLY WHEN YOU ARE FOLLOWING DESTINY ONLY
YOU HAVE THIS IDEA RIGHT?
THIS IDEA CAN BE YOUR DESTINY
WHAT IF IT WAS?
IT CAN BE WAY DEEPER THAN YOU HAVE EVER THOUGHT?
THE MOST GRAND IDEA FOR YOUR LIFE YOU CAN COME UP WITH?
HEY COME UP WITH IT
COME UP WITH IT YET?
NOW YOU'RE ON THE COME UP
SO STAY ON THE UP AND UP
STAY ON THE UP AND UP TO COME UP WITH THE COME UP BEFORE YOU COME UP
HEY THEY SAY WE TALK IN RIDDLES RIGHT?
ITS CONDENSED PHILOSOPHY WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM WITH MILK?
I WOULD HAVE TO SAY WAY MORE THAN WHAT I SAID
THE STATEMENT WAS A BOMB
IT'LL EXPLODE WHEN YOU SAY THE MAGIC WORDS
AH HA
AH HA?
UH HUH
YOU START OFF WITH A FRAGMENT
AN ASPECT OF THE VISION
AND SHOW THIS ONE VISION AND WHERE IT CAN GO
AS ENTIRELY AS CAN BE
MAKE UP A PLAY
PRACTICE THE PLAY 1000 TIMES NON STOP BACK TO BACK FOR A DECADE
YOU'LL BE THE GOAT
GOAT MENTALITY
MAMBA GOAT
TELEVISION IS ABOUT MINDSETS
THE PROGRAMMING OF THE MASS MINDSET
THE ONE MIND WE ALL SHARE
TO CORRUPT IT
TO CONTROL IT
TO CONQUER IT
OR IF NOT THEN TO DESTROY IT
ABSOLUTELY
MAYBE X WAS RIGHT
X WAS RIGHT?
X WHO?
THE 3RD EYE IS IDEALLY THE HUMAN MIND
CLIMB THE PYRAMID
WE SHOW YOU WHAT THE NERD BECOMES
WE TELL YOU THIS
WE SHOW YOU WITH ANIMAL FOOTAGE FOR NOW
THIS IS WHERE PLAYING IN THE CIRCUS WITHIN THE JUNGLE FOR FAST MONEY LEADS
A BUNCH OF ANIMAL FOOTAGE
TELEVISION AND POP MUSIC HAS FOREVER RUINED YOUR MIND AND THERE'S NOTHING MORE I CAN DO
I HAVEN'T TRIED
I'M ONLY SAYING TRYING WILL BE CHALLENGING
TRYING WILL BE EASY BUT THE CHALLENGE IS THERE
YOU ARE CHALLENGING TO TALK TO
TO GET TRUTH FROM THE UNIVERSE FROM YOU IS IMPOSSIBLE
YOU LIVE A DIFFERENT REALITY IN THE CIRCUS
THE CIRCUS IS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS
HOW DANGEROUS?
INCREDIBLY SO
NO ONE WANTS TO ADMIT WHAT I WILL
SO DON'T TEST ME
YOU SAY USE YOUR PLATFORM TO ALLOW YOUR TRUTH TO HELP ANOTHER'S LIFE
I OWE IT TO YOU TO BE HONEST
YOU OWE ME YOUR HONESTY JUST FOR TAKING THE TIME TO WATCH ME
PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK OF THE ART
THE MESSAGE HAD TO BE THERE
AS AN ARTIST ENTERTAINING YOU IS NOT THE OBJECTIVE
I AM NOT YOUR DANCING CHIMP
MY ART WILL RIP YOU TO SMITHEREENS
MY ART IS HONEST AND HONESTY IS ALWAYS FUNNY EVERY TIME
THIS IS MY HONEST ATTEMPT TO BE HONEST WITH MYSELF IN FRONT OF THE WORLD
I HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY NOW
LIFE CHANGING
I GAVE IT ALL I HAD
TO CHANGE THE LIVE I HAD
I ENJOYED THE DOWN TIME
I WAS NEVER DOWN
EVEN IF DOWN
NEVER OUT
ALWAYS INCREASING THE LIST OF STUDIES
WHAT TO STUDY? WHAT TO STUDY?
STUDY SOMETHING
STUDY SOMETHING RELATED TO THE GOAL
STUDY WHERE THE JOURNEY WILL TAKE YOU
STUDY WHERE YOU WANT TO TAKE THE JOURNEY
STUDY ALL NIGHT
STUDY ALL DAY
STUDY EVERY NIGHT AND EVERY DAY TOMMY
STUDY EVERYTHING INBETWEEN WHAT YOU WANT AND DO NOT WANT
STUDY WHEN YOU'RE HAPPY
STUDY WHILE SAD
STUDY WHEN DEPRESSED
STUDY WHEN YOU'RE BORED
STUDY WHILE ANGRY
STUDY HOW THE WORLD WILL PAY FOR WHAT IT DID TO YOU
STUDY UNDER EVERY EMOTIONAL CONDITION
YOU WILL FOREVER EXPERIENCE THESE EMOTIONS YOU PUT OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE
WHATEVER YOU ARE EXPERIENCING
PRACTICE WHILE EXPERIENCING IT
THE KEYS TO THE UNIVERSE
WATCH MY FILMS AND GET THE WHOLE STORY
EVEN WHEN WE SHOW JUST ONE ASPECT OF OUR STORY
HOW DOES SOCIETY ATTEMPT TO TRAP YOU?
WHAT ARE THE SOCIAL TRAPS LEFT BEFORE YOUR JOURNEY
ON YOUR JOURNEY THERE ARE TRAPS
THE CHAMPIONS MAKE IT OUT OF THE JUNGLE
AS FAR AS MAKING IT OUT OF THE JUNGLE GOES
TRAPS ARE HURDLES
USE THE MIND TO TRUMP PUMP JUMP THE OBSTACLE
THE REPUBLICANS GAVE OUT CHECKS
THE DEMOCRATS PUT A BLACK IN THERE AND JUST DO NOTHING
THE DEMOCRATIC ECONOMY SUFFERS AS THE REPUBLICAN ECONOMY BUFFERS
IN MODERN TIMES
WITHIN THE LAST 100 YEARS
THE REPUBLICANS LOOKED OUT FOR REPUBLICANS AND OTHERS AS WELL
THE DEMOCRATS BARELY LOOKED OUT FOR THE DEMOCRATS
PREDATORS IN THE JUNGLE MEET BIGGER PREDATORS
IF CRIME TO SURVIVE IS WHAT MAKES YOU A PREDATOR IT IS LIVE BY UNTIL YOU LIVED LIFE
​
4:51PM EST
3:42PM EST -
TUESDAY JULY 12TH, 2022
7.12.2022
​
WRITING YOUR OWN SCRIPT IS YOUR JOB
FREE WILL AND DESTINY
WILL YOU USE YOUR FREE WILL TO ATTAIN THE DESTINY WITH THE LIFE TIME GIVEN
THE LIFE AND THE TIMES OF YOU YOU KNOW?
THE NERDS IN THE HOOD HAVE TO WRITE THEIR OWN TICKET
EVERY ONE HAS TO WRITE THEIR OWN DESTINY
WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE
WHERE EVERYONE HAS A DESTINY
WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE
WHERE EVERYONE WON'T ATTAIN THEIR DESTINY
SURVIVE WAS ALL THEY COULD DO
DESTINY IS NOTHING WORTH SURVIVING WITHOUT
WITH DESTINY YOU THRIVE
IF IT IS NOT YOUR DESTINY IT HAS TO FAIL
YOU CAN ONLY WIN ONE WAY
THE ONE WAY YOU WERE MADE
THE ONE THING OR MANY THINGS YOU WERE MADE FOR
YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE MADE FOR OTHER PEOPLE RIGHT?
PURE LUNACY
YOU WERE MADE FOR YOURSELF
YOU BELONG TO THE WORLD
TO THE PUBLIC
YOUR PUBLIC
DO YOU EVEN HAVE A PUBLIC?
WHEN YOU POST DO THEY GET MAD?
THE NERDS WATCH THE DAMAGE DONE IN THE STREETS TO THEIR FRIENDS FROM THE OTHER REALMS OF REALITY
THE NERDS WERE PRAYING TO SURVIVE THE WHOLE TIME
WITH THEIR ACTIONS
HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX AND PRAYING FOR A BABY ARE THE SAME IN ACTION
YOUR ACTION WAS THE PRAYER
AS I TAKE THIS STEP I AM IN PRAYER
YOU SPEND 15 YEARS PURSUING ONE RABBIT
WONDERING IF THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO SIT BACK AND DO NOTHING
ONE DAY THE UNIVERSE WILL NEED A SPECIFIC TYPE OF SOUL FOR A SPECIFIC ACTION
THEY'LL SCOUR THE PLANET FOR THE PROPER ENERGY
IT WILL BE YOUR TIME
YOUR LIFE HAS A DESTINY ATTACHED TO IT
IF YOU HATE ME FOR SAYING IT
I REMINDED YOU
YOU WERE GETTING LOST ALONG THE WAY
ALONG MANY PEOPLE
DISTRACTED FROM THEIR DESTINY
THE NERD IS THE ONE WHO STUDIED HIS DESTINY
THE ONLY WAY TO EXPLAIN THE NERD THOROUGHLY
ONLY BY STUDYING DO YOU LEARN
ONLY AFTER LEARNING CAN THE INFORMATION BE APPLIED
APPLY THE INFORMATION YOU LEARNED STUDYING YOUR OBJECTIVE
THE OBJECTIVE ISN'T MONEY
THE OBJECTIVE IS SURVIVAL
MONEY IS THE ULTIMATE TOOL OF SURVIVAL IN MODERN SOCIETY
OTHER PEOPLE USE GUNS, VIOLENCE AND FORCE IN ORDER TO GET MONEY BUT HEY WHO AM I TO JUDGED?
I AM ONE TO BE JUDGED AS WELL
DON CARLO SENT FOR YOU, NOT ANGIE
NEVER KICK A MAN WHILE HE IS DOWN
NEVER LOOK DOWN ON A MAN UNLESS YOU ARE PICKING HIM UP
INFORMATION IS TO BE SPREAD AND KNOWLEDGE IMPARTED

Putting links to my decks below, making a shopping list to put in on the LGS' website to pick up when I get there tomorrow. Want to keep it below $10/card, though would take more expensive suggestions to put on the 'considering' list for now, and would love any suggestions that I might have missed.
The meta is fairly wide spread, I tend to be a player who drives up the power level as people try to deal with me (I do also play cEDH so I'm a bit more honed on timing and quickly considering interactions than some who play at my LGS) and I'd like to push all my decks towards their individual 'best versions' even if their overall power level caps at some point.
Thanks in advanced
Henzie-crats; Jund sac/recur value w/ a bit of a Riveters theme - https://www.moxfield.com/decks/cFAdrEDJrU6qYEc90yogUw
Syr Gwyn's Outpost; knights with equipment - https://www.moxfield.com/decks/1DBllYu5ckKTOTF9ACCFrA
We Bare Gay Bears; [[Primal Surge]] enchantress deck, named on older version which was hugs and made inf 2/2 bears and has bears on the commander card and was designed by a bear. Would like to move back towards the hugs and bears but it's an older deck compared to my others so could def use suggestions - https://www.moxfield.com/decks/W75uHROR6kKt63v86-zVPw
Khaleesi Loves Free Dragons; Ur Dragon tribal deck, this links to the cockatrice version which is already a good idea of where the deck is headed but am happy to hear any ideas - https://www.moxfield.com/decks/Z4pzP-9z-kWaeVvrFKylyQ
Xerox Dino; Make copies of instant spells, reap value - https://www.moxfield.com/decks/cuP5KRjsAEypncwbvmYT2Q
Thanks again for your time and thoughts

In [INSERT CULT OF THE DAY HERE], a new conjurer (Druid or Wizard) is doing their best to conjure elementals. After days and weeks of trying on their own, they learn about a shortcut (typically just need some elemental material).
Drawing a large circle in [wateearth/fire/air], and placing three [stones that closely represent the elements] around the circle, they are able to form a bubble that then spawns an elemental. From there it’s a basic Conjure Elemental spell, but as the conjurer is still new, it isn’t an instant spell. Even worse, the conjurer doesn’t know how to stop the water elemental from growing past its standard size and strength.
In combat, it will take the water elemental 1-16 rounds to stop growing, depending on other enemies in your encounter. Adjust as needed.

• Round 1 - 10 HP, 1/5 strength
• Round 3 - 30 HP, 1/5 strength
• Round 5 - 50 HP, 1/4 strength
• Round 7 - 70 HP, 1/4 strength
• Round 9 - 90 HP, 1/2 strength
• Round 10 - 110 HP, Full strength
• Round 12 - 120 HP, Full strength
• Round 14 - 140 HP, 1.2 strength
• Round 16 - 160 HP, 1.5 strength

The fun of this is that even after the conjurer is killed, or concentration is broken, the water elemental will stay its current size. Depending on the speed of the party, they may end up battling a cute little knee-high elemental, or they may be dealing with the ultimate TPK creation.

Based on RAW: If your concentration is broken, the elemental doesn’t disappear. Instead, you lose control of the elemental, it becomes hostile toward you and your companions, and it might attack.

Another added flavor could be that the party can defeat the elemental if it’s not fully formed by smashing the rocks that were placed to assist in the creation of the elemental.
Just give the rocks an Armor Class and hit points (say AC 17, HP ~30, or whatever). Depending on the party level, it could be one hit, could be two.
Terrible idea? Probably, but it could add a little fun to your campaign (if you’re into that sort of thing).
Let us know how we can improve this idea or make it worse in the comments below!

My players (For the good part of 2 months) have been exploring every inch of the Amber Temple and they really hate its difficulty. So far they've lost 2 PCs and are getting frustrated at how many high Cannoying to deal with enemies (AKA a wizard who's only damage spells are damage types that flameskulls are resistant/immune to) there are. The only reason they keep coming back in is because they were told that the Sunsword is in Sergei's tomb, but then they think his tomb is in the temple, or at the least think the sunsword is in the temple. It hasn't been entirely fruitless as they now have the Holy Symbol of Ravenkind and the ranger now has a magic crossbow (They know I gave them this out of sympathy for how much ranger sucks). They are still going through the temple however cause as I said, they think the sunsword is in there too, but all that's left kn the temple for them is the library with all the wizard spells and Exethanter. This is probably more a DM specific thing rather than a CoS thing but it was in case there's any major story/game reasons to stay, but should I just bite the bullet, sit them down and explain that the sunsword isn't there? I am leaning towards telling them but again idk if there's still some stuff in the temple that some would find important.

AS ALWAYS!!!
The two cousins begin to pay homage to their favorite film “Pulp Fiction” by imitating the “famous dance scene”. DAVE is Uma Thurman and CANDICE is John Travolta and they have the twisting steps down to a “T”.
63 The animation now freezes and flashback proceeds to take over the show for the current moment.
CANDICE
You see “Wonderful as Always” is my at work catch phrase DAVE and I came up with while reading some customer service enhancement techniques on the internet. This is something most people slash workers just don’t do. It is almost as if to these books, they are allergic, which only helps them become more and more socially lethargic. My positive life philosophy is the surgeon; therefore I am...and I am the sergeant. Napoleon Hill’s Law of Success textbook teaches us many stores sell the same famous product. The famous product itself has all the credibility in the world, to sell itself. The competitive part however, is which local store will receive the eager customers wishing to purchase what they were told they needed on the idiot box aka...the television? Napoleon Hill lists almost 18 success principles and I HEREBY REFUSE TO TELL ALL 18 OF THEM TO THE LIKES OF YOU!!!
CANDICE stands up in an outraged manner and storms over to the camera screen fast. He then points his finger at the observing audience for a second before he reveals his playful attitude towards the subject.
CANDICE
I will however; give you a few. PENS AND PAPERS OUT NOW!!!
CANDICE points his fingers down until they hit a nearby table hard. A semi loud thud is heard and his facial expression resembles sludge because his features are being dragged down for dramatic effect. After all, this is an animation.
CANDICE
Snippet numeral Uno: A pleasing, energetic, magnetic and highly adaptable social personality is BY FAR, the best weapon a salesperson can ever have. Do not ever be fooled by your actual positions people;
The camera zooms in on CANDICE’s face and a sly, slick, maneuvering expression overcomes his face
CANDICE
Everybody sells something (laughing). It may be a hamburger, a double whopper with cheese, antique chessboards, TV show seasons on DVD, groceries, car parts, cars themselves...or it may just be yourself as a likable person. No matter what actual product you do sell, always remember it is only of secondary importance. Your personality is the primary product you sell. You can sell a blind person a package of college ruled writing paper...if he likes you enough. You have to aspire to become the most successful person who is not in your family. And if one of your family members just happens to truly be the most successful person in the world, then go ahead and break this rule. Once you continue pursuing to be the most successful person you know, in a month or 6...you shall observe some wondrous results...as always.
Now the greatest obstacle slash challenge with this practice for the average newcomer is this:
64 CANDICE assumes the facial expression of an ashamed toddler in trouble. He is in the following statements, mocking the people who don’t believe in themselves enough to entertain their respective customers with their pleasing personalities.
But everyday is just not really wonderful. I don’t have to lie to these customers to sell them some sugarcane now do I Chizzy?
No man, no...the answer is no. You do not have to in fact lie to our precious customers. YOU HAVE TO LIE TO YOURSELF YA FOOL!!! Everybody has trials, everybody has tribulations, and everybody faces daily hardships and adversities. What separates the beyond great from the below average is the ability to put aside their personal grievances and setbacks...and make the customer feel better about theirs. You just have to constantly remember FREDERICK; the customer has her own issues to deal with. And instead of dealing with these issues, she is shopping at the store you are currently working for. Maybe by shopping at your place of employment she is solving some of her issues...but most likely not. In that case, also remember FREDDY that your customers have probably shopped at your job way before it was, your job; and they just may continue to shop there once you leave for whatever reason, if you don’t scare them off with your negative attitude first. Now here is the fun part, there is a small majority of workers spread sparsely throughout the entire world responsible for a great number of their customer’s many visits to the shop in which they are employed. How do they accomplish this almost impossible task you ask? They do it by making the customers feel at peace and at home. Every customer does not reside in a peaceful abode, and the grandest of all the employees recognize this fact because maybe, they don’t either. For the great servicemen, work is an opportunity to escape their annoyingly rude 9yr old niece and her highly ignorant father. Work for them is an opportunity to learn how to treat people, how to interact with people of all different characteristics. It provides them the chance to treat an 80yr old female patron special, in front of the finest 26yr old model looking customer named Ms. Angel they have ever witnessed.
If that monologue didn’t convey the obvious benefits to you pimping, check this one out:
You have problems and so do your customers. So if you just happened to radiate a more positive outlook than anyone else around you; by law it would have to rub off on those whom you come into contact with for long periods of time. The formula is simple: make 100 people feel better and more at peace with their current situations and your personal problems take a back seat to the new attention you so often receive now. Do not ever forget FREDDY; you ARE going to receive a ton of positive press for this new found spiritual mentality. Once again, the formula is simple, guaranteed and proven to attain easy, free results: make 100 people laugh in one day and your problems seem much less relevant. I promise FREDDY, I promise.
The screen now turns black and a loud voice
JOEY
WARNING, WARNING! HEY SPOILER ALERT NNA
The screen fades back in with Chizzy resuming his informing rant
CANDICE
65 Now since the fun parts over, here comes the emotionally troubling part of this equation: The first 2months of this new mentality is going to bring many rumors your way. A few people are going to constantly accuse you or at least spread behind your back rumors of you being some type of drug addict. This is just a defense mechanism for the self conscious and insecure people who just can not understand why you are so “damn positive all the time”. By the time 6months rolls around, you should be a local celebrity. When you walk in the store with your uniform on, ready to clock in and perform your easy duties ever so wonderfully as always; the business patrons will be watching you. They were thinking about you. After all, you did a great job charming them. They walked into the store hoping they would run into you at the register right before they left the vicinity. The wives tell their husbands about you, they tell their sisters and girlfriends about your past conversations as well. The husbands may not be so chatty however. You often secretly know why people leave from other cashier’s registers just to be serviced by you. Why do they love you so much though? It is actually very, very simple. When they first walk up to you, they hear you thanking the previous customer for shopping at “enter your establishment here”. They secretly observed how well you interact with all the other customers, even the rare or not so rare rude customers. When you are ringing up their items you ask them how they are doing today. They give you a semi authentic answer sometimes. You have an ability to force them to reveal their positive side by pulling yours out first and SHOOTING THEM IN THE FACE
This is an exaggeration as well as a double meaning, which forces a laugh out of CANDICE
CANDICE
When they ask you in return the same question your reply is much more authentic. “Wonderful as Always” is your answer and the following is the breakdown. The word wonderful is in fact a wonderful word. What makes this phrase catchy and memorable are the last two words. By telling your customers you are doing wonderful, they will feel slightly elated but nevertheless they will just later brush it off as a temporary state. Maybe you are just doing wonderful for today. But no FREDDY, this is a huge mistake. Never let these people confuse you with the average frustrated chump worker bee. You my friend are an uncompromising genius. Now on the other hand, the “as always” part of this equation; creates a fantasy world in which you successfully live in. The “as always” immediately isolates you from the remaining employed staff members. This, “as always” forces the customer to fantasize about you. It forces them to imagine you as a person, so damn happy, every day of the week. Now the truth of the matter is, there are only a few people in this world who feel wonderful every day and in every way.
These people are the ones who understand “now moments”. Now moments simply represent the present moment. The only thing we humans ever truly “posses” is; the present moment. Every funny memory, every horrible memory and every future memory occurs in the present moment. The present moment is always changing and will always change. Every person has a mental ego; that negative inner voice which is always trying to judge what we see on the daily. It is always trying to convince us we are under siege, a threat is always near. Life only rarely gives us threatening situations. The funniest thing about it is; even in those times, we are still not facing eradication.
CANDICE looks down with desperation and a bit of confusion all over his face
CANDICE
I still haven’t figured this part out yet...soon enough though.
66 CANDICE then resumes that familiar pleasant facial expression he is so known for.
CANDICE
The easiest way to live peacefully is to understand now moments. A now moment is only meant to be appreciated. God’s universe gives us laws concerning appreciation. Statistically speaking, if we find 100 things in our current life situation to be grateful for, who’s to say God herself won’t give us 100 more things to be grateful for. Now wouldn’t that be great? So once we combine the law of gratitude with all the present moments, we receive a much more abundant life situation.
Now we have just stumbled into a wonderful conversational topic right here. What is the difference between your life and your life situation? Your life is just the culmination of everything you do; it can not be changed. Your life situation on the other hand, is every thing you can remember. All of these events are just your temporary life situation. Your life situation always changes. Now speaking of changing, I’m hopping in the shower.
CANDICE begins to stand and starts singing his famous shower tune.
CANDICE
I’m hopping in the shower. I’m going to need about an hour, while I hop up in the shower.
CANDICE walks to the last step and the camera will freeze. Once the camera resume, CANDICE will be at the first step of the flight.
INT. DAY. CANDICE’s bathroom
The camera will once again freeze and transition. The next time you see CANDICE, he will be in the foggy/misty shower booth.
The camera goes into a split screen. One side shows CANDICE washing up his upper body in the shower and the other side shows CANDICE’s girlfriend ASHLEIGH SATURDAY, knocking on the front door. CANDICE’s mom PATRICIA answers the door
EXT. DAY OUTSIDE OF CANDICE’s MOM’s HOUSE
PATRICIA
Good afternoon ASHLEIGH, how was work?
ASHLEIGH
It was ok until your son clocked out on me.
PATRICIA
That sure sounds like a nice compliment to me.
ASHLEIGH
67
Speaking of him, is he here?
PATRICIA
I believe he is; he is however in the shower. Would you like to wait for him? He should be on his way out very soon, or he’ll be paying for the water bill.
ASHLEIGH
Oh yes, Ma’am! ASHLEIGH wouldn’t have it any other way.
INT. DAY, CANDICE’s ROOM
ASHLEIGH proceeds to walk up the stairs to the second floor after Ms. PATRICIA asks her to step inside of the house. ASHLEIGH then decides over her options:
ASHLEIGH
Now I can get underneath his covers, make myself comfortable and pretend to be asleep inside of my own bed. Or I could matter of fact
ASHELIGH’s gaze heads over to CANDICE’s closet while she ponders her next move. She walks closer and closer to the closet until she is able to open it. She then opens it and finds a clean, crisp shirt which she presumes CANDICE will slide on after he successfully dries off his body. She knows CANDICE has just given away some of his smaller clothes and the proof of this is a big, empty space on the left of the shirt. She decides to position herself right there as she closes back the closet door.
INT. DAY, CANDICE’s BATHROOM
CANDICE is now dressing his lower body (socks, undergarments, and khaki shorts) right outside of the bathroom door. As he finishes, he slides over to the dirty clothes hamper and puts his dirty clothes “in their place”.
INT. DAY, CANDICE’s BEDROOM
As CANDICE enters his room with his towel around his neck, his intuition is buzzing with an incredible intensity. He can not put his finger on what is going on but listening to his intuition always feels so good. He tosses his towel onto his bed as he heads over to his closet to dress his upper body.
Right as he slides over the closet door, ASHLEIGH surprises him with an “attack kiss”. This surprise is so well planned it brings CANDICE to his left knee with his right foot positioned in the football huddle stance. ASHLEIGH then repositions herself so she is bending over him with their lips still in unison.
The camera now freezes on the couple kissing almost intensely. CANDICE now resumes narration of the story
68
CANDICE
Ah! ASHLEIGH NICOLE SATURDAY, the love of my life I hope. I’m young yes, almost 16; but still old enough to establish what makes me feel good. And this young lady right here, gee golly pish posh does she ever makes me feel good! I mean, way before we ever locked lips or even hugged. Her hugs feel better than her kisses to me sometimes. I love being the center of her attention. I myself am the center of other people’s attention so for her to be the center of mine; it is an outstanding accomplishment in its own right. Maybe she planned it like this, I know I didn’t. This is just the way God intended this situation to play out. The day I met ASHLEIGH was by far the best day of my entire life for several reasons. Turns out, I had interacted with ASHLEIGH 2 weeks before we were formally introduced. I had just printed out my 3rd official newsletter on positivity. I remember speaking to Monique one on one in the store’s deli café about something related. There she was, ASHLEIGH, sitting quietly and by herself at the table to our right. After my conversation with Monique was finished, I smoothly looked ASHLEIGH in her “gorgeous” eyes...passed an extra copy of the newsletter, asked her to read it for me and I left the store and went home.
I remember thinking, oh snap; if she’s too young I could get in trouble for giving her mature literature. So a few weeks later, on the day I was supposed to travel to Jacksonville, Florida, I met ASHLEIGH. I cancelled the trip due to lack of preparation. So on November 20th, instead of being in Jacksonville romancing a blind date, I had the exquisite pleasure of introducing myself formally to ASHLEIGH NICOLE SATURDAY on her 16th birthday mind you. I was off for that day and I was checking the schedule. I saw ASHLEIGH in her nicely ironed uniform and I failed to recognize her from before. It wasn’t until a month later that I made the connection. I loved shaking her hands. So the next few days, needless to say, I was smitten. I had this one other girl I was into at the job. She was into me as well but she had for the last year been romantically involved with another female who also worked with us. Cross that one off, now back to ASHLEIGH S. My job is to assist the customers and the cashiers along with a little handy work here and there. ASHLEIGH just so happens to be a cashier and it makes my job that much more interesting. I just feel so much calmer when I am under ASHLEIGH’s love spell. I never want to be around her more than when I am away from her. I am growing into a very independent young man but still; she affects me in a most positive manner. She is very mature, warm hearted, cool headed and an evenly balance individual. And she seems to like being an influential figure in my life as well.
CANDICE snaps back to “reality” once he notices ASHLEIGH has him face down in his bed sheets while she plays gleefully in his “long, silky, girly hair”.
CANDICE
Well since we are already here and ready...is ASHLEIGH thinking what CANDICE is thinking?
ASHLEIGH
Yes baby, of course I will braid your locks up if you’re patient enough boo. What were you just thinking about? You seemed pretty far gone yet I could still feel your presence...it was very weird.
CANDICE
Well of course ASHLEIGH, I was thinking ‘bout you boo. Why would I ever disrespect your company by thinking of anything...or even worse...any one else?
69
ASHLEIGH
I don’t know (very sarcastically)... every body makes mistakes
As ASHLEIGH says “every body makes mistakes” she playfully pushes CANDICE’s head back into his pillow
ASHLEIGH
So in what fashion were you thinking about me CANDICE? (She says CANDICE very strictly) What exact memory were you focusing on at the current moment?
ASHLEIGH whispers in CANDICE’s right ear in a very seductive and sexy manner “the current moment”. It is as if ASHLEIGH understands CANDICE’s thought process and what effect such an emphasis on those words would have on him.
So she taps his right shoulder twice while she sits on the edge of his bed. CANDICE understands the body language and sits down in-between ASHLEIGH’s legs in a non sexual manner so she can braid up his already locked up hair.
CANDICE
Well if you must know, NOZIPHO...I was re-imagining the best days of my life...the first month I interacted with you baby.
ASHLEIGH
Damn CHIZZY...you really know how to steal my emotions don’t you?
ASHLEIGH wipes a few oncoming tears from both cheeks and kisses the left side of CANDICE’s freshly cleaned neck. As ASHLEIGH begins the braiding, CANDICE resumes his ever so interesting monologue chronicling how he met ASHLEIGH in the first place
CANDICE
Now when I first became comfortable with ASHLEIGH...life appeared problem-less. There happened to be one problem however...it took the physical form of DUSTIN. Now DUSTIN is at this time, ASHLEIGH’s boyfriend of 3yrs. She told me she loved him still but she was no longer “in love” with him. Good for me in any case, but this would prove to be a most delicate situation. So how do you extract a young lady from a situation you helped her realize she no longer wants to be a participant in? The answer is so simple; you don’t. You can however, persuade her to extract herself. After all, it is she who is involved in the exclusive relationship. I only saw DUSTIN less than 10 times and I never wished to increase this count. Every time I saw him he seemed so quiet. Now there is nothing wrong with being quiet because I am quiet as well. His quiet accompanied a strange sense of insecurity however. I remembered ASHLEIGH showing me a few pictures on her phone of her and DUSTIN hanging out together. In the majority of the pictures, she was the only person actually smiling. To this day, I still have no clue what could have possibly been troubling him so
70 much that he felt it was politically incorrect to smile. Like did the camera man hold up a sign reading “show one tooth and I’m knocking all of them out!” with a sledge-hammer to go with it?
That’s the first time I realized I really wanted to be involved in an exclusive relationship with ASHLEIGH. I felt, if God gave me the opportunity, I wouldn’t let any of them down. It was so easy to visualize myself with her; once I was with her in my mind, I always saw myself smiling all the time like I was 5 again. There is a combination of innocence about ASHLEIGH as well as an undeniable sense of maturity about her. I know it’s obviously highly unfeasible for one person to possess both spiritual qualities...but her spirit is aligned enough to balance out both. I mean, simply put, she gets it in.
So if CANDICE is making ASHLEIGH out to be the “perfect woman for him”, then traditionally speaking, she must have been another man’s trash. The worst thing DUSTIN ever did was give me the opportunity to:
The screen fades out and JOEY cuts in once more for comedic effect.
JOEY
Immerse yo chick in a world of...FAN-TA-SAE-(drag out “SAE” for as long as possible) YEA- AH
Now back to CANDICE and his monologue
CANDICE
So once I had the chance to completely immerse ASHLEIGH SATURDAY into my world of constant, entertaining and self-improving adventure, their relationship was over. And I never had to kiss her; but I still did it anyway (laughs). Here’s how it happened: I had to work on a Saturday coincidentally and so did ASHLEIGH. I was scheduled for 2PM Eastern time but I was “on site” by noon, I just hate to be late anywhere. Little did I know however, God had placed me in a position to view ASHLEIGH in an emotional state she didn’t want me to see her in. ASHLEIGH decided to switch shifts with another worker JACKIE but I just didn’t know why. Jackie’s original Sat. shift was from 7AM until 2PM with a noon lunch break. I worked the same shift as ASHLEIGH’s original shift, 2PM until closing, 11PM. JACKIE is cool too, she’s just 10 yrs older than I am but nevertheless; the successful adapt to their ever changing life situations. What ASHLEIGH did not expect however, was me “waiting” for her while she went on her noon lunch break in the deli café. When I laid my eyes on her face for the first time that day, I flinched, and I never, ever flinch. I flinched because her boyfriend had obviously beaten the
The screen turns black and JOEY cuts in for a brief moment.
JOEY
CHILL OUT!!!
Back to CANDICE.
CANDICE
Out of her. So I immediately moved my chair closer to hers. What happened to your face ASHLEIGH SATURDAY!?!
71
ASHLEIGH
I don’t know...I guess I fell in my asleep
CANDICE
Ok, so now I’m stupid right? Looks to us like you fell victim to an unfair beat-down...that’s what it looks like.
ASHLEIGH
Wait a minute...who’s “us”? It is only us here.
CANDICE
“Us” is the lie detection agency and I.
CANDICE’s intuition was on point once again. That silly comment succeeded in making ASHLEIGH laugh.
ASHLEIGH
Now I can’t even stay mad at you CHIZZY
CANDICE
Wait...hold up a good minute! Why in the hill would you be upset with me? I mean, I didn’t do this to you.
ASHLEIGH looks down to a dead bug on the floor in despair as she prepares her response.
ASHLEIGH
I know you didn’t CANDICE, but DUSTIN thinks you and I have a romantic affair going on.
CANDICE takes a long sip like gulp from his sprite, places the cup back down on the coaster, wipes the moisture off from around his growing mustache and smiles. His next words exit one at a time in a very slow, seductive and hypnotic manner.
CANDICE
But...there...is...nothing...going...on...between...us...Simply put, you are not my type and you could never be so lucky.
CANDICE looks away as he declares “You are not my type and you could never be so lucky.” He then resumes with the eye contact. He can tell by the look on her face, which comment stunned her expectations obviously hurting her feelings in the process.
CANDICE then places his right hand on top of her left.
72
CANDICE
I was just fooling around with you ASHLEIGH, you should know without a doubt’s shadow I care about you...too much in fact for you to be “someone else’s girlfriend”.
ASHLEIGH
Well if you think I would actually stay in an abusive relationship with anyone, including that jerk-off DUSTIN; then I guess you are pretty stupid. My father never hit me and no one else will either...ever.
CANDICE smiles at this comment realizing his opportunity for a relationship with ASHLEIGH...finally. ASHLEIGH stands up, preparing to fix her something to eat. CANDICE stands up and positions his body right in front of her.
CANDICE
So what are you saying ASHLEIGH NICOLE?
ASHLEIGH
I’m just letting prospective investors now what’s on the emotional market.
ASHLEIGH laughs while she moves a strand of hair from the side of her face back to its original position. CANDICE notices this as an easy sign of attraction and indicator of interest.
CANDICE
So um...would you like to be my last girlfriend?
ASHLEIGH
HILL NO (with a sincere smile)
CANDICE
Well if that’s the case ASHLEIGH...I never said you could. I could just tell something was troubling you.
ASHLEIGH walks over to CANDICE slowly but surely, in an almost deliberate way.
ASHLEIGH
Oh! You could just tell huh? Well what’s troubling me is the fact you took my first answer seriously.
CANDICE
ASHLEIGH please, I hardly take anything you say serious...let alone at face value.
CANDICE rubs his right index finger across the left side of ASHLEIGH’s cheeks, wiping off the remaining tears as he says “let alone at face value”.
73
ASHLEIGH
So ask me again...please
ASHLEIGH maintains eye contact with CANDICE as she un-buttons the top button of his uniform shirt.
CANDICE
ASHLEIGH NICOLE SATURDAY...please be my first girlfriend
ASHLEIGH
I thought at first you said last?
CANDICE
Yea I know...I can play games a little bit too ASH. First, last, it just doesn’t matter; what matters is you are my present moment...and present moments last forever.
ASHLEIGH looks up at CANDICE like she never has before but always does now- a-days.
ASHLEIGH
You mean I’m your every thing?
CANDICE
Every since your last birthday my little personal watermelon...pun intended.
ASHLEIGH takes one step closer to CANDICE and this leaves no “personal space” in-between them. CANDICE takes a step back to test her. ASHLEIGH complies by once again stepping closer to him.
ASHLEIGH
So what now?
CANDICE
Well, first things first; I help you forget about your troubled past relationship.
ASHLEIGH
Well if I may interject; isn’t that what got us into trouble CANDICE?
ASHLEIGH smiles as she grabs hold of CANDICE’s hand and places it on her face so he could rub it smoothly once more. She has already grown accustomed to his serene touch.
CANDICE
74 Hold up, I’m not in trouble. It’s a real shame what he did to you...a damn shame. Inside this temporary tragedy however; God gave me what I wanted most; you ASHLEIGH, you. All I wanted was an opportunity to rightfully be able to do this;
CANDICE lifts up ASHLEIGH’s chin and attempts to kiss her. By this point his hand is supporting her neck and he felt her shake at the impact; she likes it. The kiss itself lasts for about 30 seconds. One second for every day he knew her before they were an “exclusive item”. The kiss ends...for now.
CANDICE
So how long do you have on your break again?
CANDICE and ASHLEIGH both look at their respective watch and cell phone. When ASHLEIGH opens up her phone, she is reminded of DUSTIN because an older picture of them serves as her backgrounds. She snaps a quick picture of CANDICE and proceeds to make that one her new background wallpaper.
ASHLEIGH
Aw! Now that’s better boo boo. You are so much cuter than him anyway. It is now 12:10PM and I have 20 minutes left boo. Why, what do you want to do with me CANDICE darling?
CANDICE
Treat you to a healthy lunch while we discuss “trivial” matters of no real importance.
ASHLEIGH
Ooh, aren’t you the eventful new boyfriend?
ASHLEIGH and CANDICE begin to pack up their stuff and visit the Chinese based restaurant located in the same shopping plaza as their place of employment. The camera will freeze frame and fade to white as they leave the building.
CANDICE’s monologue is finally over and now we observe him with 75% of his hair braided. His eyes were closed the entire time and he now re-opens them.
ASHLEIGH
So you back now CANDY?
CANDICE
Yes baby, CANDY’s back in effect
ASHLEIGH
You know DUSTIN came by house yesterday night, around 9PM Eastern time?
CANDICE
75
Andddd? What else happened?
ASHLEIGH
Nothing too significant or romantic or anything, he just came by to apologize again...for what happened between us. He seems to be really broken up by it.
CANDICE
Well I’m sure he is...I’d be broken up too if I was in his position. Once my mother found out I hit you, regardless of the situation I would be even more broken.
They both share a hearty laugh together.
CANDICE
So did you accept his apology again?
ASHLEIGH
As a matter of fact CANDICE, I did; under one simple condition. He is never to approach me anywhere without my non text message hand written note.
CANDICE
Jeesh, ASHLEIGH, seems like a considerable amount of “trouble” to go through just to communicate with him.
ASHLEIGH
That’s the point though CANDY, I have no interest in interacting with that...wonderful person.
They both realize the irony in ASHLEIGH’s words and resume their “couple’s laughter” once more.
CANDICE
Have you ever heard of the “mastermind principle” ASHLEIGH?
ASHLEIGH
Not at all, what is that? A new government mandate of some sort?
CANDICE
No silly, no.
CANDICE begins to laugh uncontrollably at ASHLEIGH’s “genuine answer”.
CANDICE
The mastermind principle is an older term coined by the great Napoleon Hill.
76
ASHLEIGH
Um, don’t you mean Napolean Bonaparte?
CANDICE once again finds this insanely comical and begins to outbursts so hard, ASHLEIGH has to stop braiding his hair and slap him upside his head.
ASHLEIGH
If you keep treating my answers like that, this is how you are walking around tomorrow. Now I suggest you respond to my answers like you have some foresight.
This in itself is a reference to one of the lessons Napoleon Hill teaches about. This reveals ASHLEIGH may in fact know more about Hill’s teachings than she admitted to.
CANDICE
Ok baby, ok, I apologize sincerely. Common mistake, (snickers) Napolean Bonaparte was an ancient conqueror and war lord. Napoleon Hill however, differed in many noticeable ways. Napoleon Hill was more interested in conquering the human mind to achieve greatness in any undertaking undertaken. So Hill spent about 2 consecutive decades researching the most prominent, industrious and wealthy people all over the country and maybe even the world. After these 20 yrs, his contact list was tremendously stupendous I would imagine.
ASHLEIGH
Yes I would too.
CANDICE
So anyway, Hill started off as some sort of journalist and his most recent assignment at the time was to interview United Steel Corporation legend Andrew Carnegie Sr. So Mr. Carnegie was so impressed with this young man for whatever reason, he offered him an once in a lifetime opportunity. Carnegie would set use his ever so abundant resources to set up several meetings with a few of his friends, some of the richest people ever creating their own first generation wealth. The catch was Hill would not be paid for his efforts; he was to assemble a success manual from all the hard hours he spent extracting personal information from these “industry giants”. He was given the opportunity to spend more time with these almost billionaires in a 20yr span than the “average person” is allotted in a life time. Plus not only was he allotted time with these people, but he had the reference from another person worth $500Million. What more could you ask for?
ASHLEIGH
A lifetime with you
They both realize her attempt to further humanize the moment with a soft sell and they kiss passionately before CANDICE resumes his dialogue.
CANDICE
77 Thank you hummingbird; almost done here. So Hill is at this point expected to interview every person he was sent to, determine what they back-stories were, their hardships and what drove them to acquire all of the wealth they did; their secrets to success if you would call it that. I would suppose Carnegie himself planned to profit from the book himself, once it was fully published and distributed. After all, his honorable mentions of the project along with his actual participation slash organization of the project should help the book sales too. His not initially getting paid was kind of a crummy deal but Carnegie’s point was; if the success manual truly worked, which it obviously did, then Hill would receive all the compensation he and his future generations would ever need in life. What Hill did not figure out until later was Carnegie believed men slow to reach a decision can never succeed. Carnegie was timing Hill’s answer, giving him only 60 seconds to comply or turn it down before he was ultimately disqualified.
ASHLEIGH
Ouch, so much suspense man!!!
CANDICE
Yes I know right...so anyway, Hill was smart enough to comply within 20 seconds or less. I’ll have to listen to the tapes again for the exact number of seconds. So to wrap up the story; he published the interviews into a book titled “Napoleon Hill’s the law of success in 17 or 18 lessons”. The book was so powerful, the most powerful people who control the world decided this manual was too intense for the masses and took it down.
ASHLEIGH
So what did Hill do after that? They just stripped away his new found source of residual income!!!
CANDICE
Please calm down baby, he just went back and stripped away some of the most powerful principles in the story. He then published another book called “Think and Grow Rich”. I remember purchasing the audio- book version and downloading the e-book version. The audio version is 8 hrs is long, which is long mind you. When compared to The Law of Success’ audio length, it is only 1/3rd, which is so tragic. I felt taken advantage of when I first realized this fact. So I downloaded the Law of Success and am STILL LISTENING TO IT. I mean, it is 24 freaking hrs long ASHLEIGH; that’s even a lot of knowledge for yours truly.
ASHLEIGH
So what does the “mastermind principle” have to do with Napoleon Hill, think and grow rich and the law of success?
CANDICE
Simple, the “mastermind principle” is just lesson number one or two believe. The mastermind states once a person has a definite aim to reach for, other people who desire to achieve the same goal should be gathered into a group.
ASHLEIGH
Ah Ha! The Mastermind incarnate!!!
78
CANDICE
Exactly baby, exact-a-mundo. Hill goes on to explain water itself is another mastermind.
ASHLEIGH
Oh yeah, two molecules of oxygen and one molecule of hydrogen.
CANDICE
I love you
He wipes off his tears after this heart-felt remark.
CANDICE
A table is a mastermind too; the wood and the legs, even the chairs. So the main ingredient of the mastermind following the definite purpose is harmony. Without harmony, the mastermind group can never ever exist. If harmony is kept in tact however, then the group’s members are able to tap into the subconscious mind of the remaining members.
ASHLEIGH
As long as the harmony remains!
CANDICE
You so have gotten the concept down-packed.
The remaining 25% of CANDICE’s hair is completely braided up. He stands up to conclude the story.
ASHLEIGH
GREAT story baby; only one question.
CANDICE
What is it baby?
ASHLEIGH
Please let me drive you over to my mom’s house for dinner. We are making salmon cakes and patties, then you can explain more about the mastermind and the “subconscious mind” I’ve never heard of that before.
CANDICE looks towards the camera in a completely stupefied manner. It is almost as if everyone he knows knows something about the “subconscious mind”. There is a strong probability ASHLEIGH knows more about the subconscious mind than CANDICE does; she just loves hearing him speak. It is her way of helping him gain more confidence in his oratory skills.
79 The camera moves out of the room as the passionate, young couple kiss and exits the house. Once the camera is outside, it turns up to show the serene looking sky. The viewers will hear the footsteps treading down the stairs.
EXT. NIGHT, CANDICE’s FRONT LAWN
ASHLEIGH and CANDICE exit the house and enter ASHLEIGH’s newly washed car.
INT. NIGHT, ASHLEIGH’s CAR
ASHLEIGH
You requested permission from your mother to leave the house and have dinner with my family?
CANDICE
HA...permission?
ASHLEIGH shoots a stern look in CANDICE’s direction, aimed only at him.
CANDICE
Of course baby, I was just playing
ASHLEIGH
That’s just what I thought
The camera slowly backs up and lifts up vertically as it observes the car drive off. CANDICE is heard repeating his ignorant phrase once again.
CANDICE
Ha! Permission...
ASHLEIGH is heard slapping him, presumably in the head
The End TUNECHI and Company
I would love a 6month internship with YOUNG MONEY FILMS because in reality,
6months is more than enough time to prove to you all just how valuable my presence
combined with my ideas is. God constantly gives me an abundance of wonderful ideas
and I would love an opportunity to prove myself.
If you actually made it to this page Wayne, I think it s safe to say I did and just
know my bags are packed and ready to go when you are Sir Tune. I also want to
80 thank my mother Suzanne Harris for her support and my father David Harris Sr. for
listening to my dream and providing the funds to send this to you as well as insight on
how to make sure it gets to you.

AS ALWAYS!!!
The two cousins begin to pay homage to their favorite film “Pulp Fiction” by imitating the “famous dance scene”. DAVE is Uma Thurman and CANDICE is John Travolta and they have the twisting steps down to a “T”.
63 The animation now freezes and flashback proceeds to take over the show for the current moment.
CANDICE
You see “Wonderful as Always” is my at work catch phrase DAVE and I came up with while reading some customer service enhancement techniques on the internet. This is something most people slash workers just don’t do. It is almost as if to these books, they are allergic, which only helps them become more and more socially lethargic. My positive life philosophy is the surgeon; therefore I am...and I am the sergeant. Napoleon Hill’s Law of Success textbook teaches us many stores sell the same famous product. The famous product itself has all the credibility in the world, to sell itself. The competitive part however, is which local store will receive the eager customers wishing to purchase what they were told they needed on the idiot box aka...the television? Napoleon Hill lists almost 18 success principles and I HEREBY REFUSE TO TELL ALL 18 OF THEM TO THE LIKES OF YOU!!!
CANDICE stands up in an outraged manner and storms over to the camera screen fast. He then points his finger at the observing audience for a second before he reveals his playful attitude towards the subject.
CANDICE
I will however; give you a few. PENS AND PAPERS OUT NOW!!!
CANDICE points his fingers down until they hit a nearby table hard. A semi loud thud is heard and his facial expression resembles sludge because his features are being dragged down for dramatic effect. After all, this is an animation.
CANDICE
Snippet numeral Uno: A pleasing, energetic, magnetic and highly adaptable social personality is BY FAR, the best weapon a salesperson can ever have. Do not ever be fooled by your actual positions people;
The camera zooms in on CANDICE’s face and a sly, slick, maneuvering expression overcomes his face
CANDICE
Everybody sells something (laughing). It may be a hamburger, a double whopper with cheese, antique chessboards, TV show seasons on DVD, groceries, car parts, cars themselves...or it may just be yourself as a likable person. No matter what actual product you do sell, always remember it is only of secondary importance. Your personality is the primary product you sell. You can sell a blind person a package of college ruled writing paper...if he likes you enough. You have to aspire to become the most successful person who is not in your family. And if one of your family members just happens to truly be the most successful person in the world, then go ahead and break this rule. Once you continue pursuing to be the most successful person you know, in a month or 6...you shall observe some wondrous results...as always.
Now the greatest obstacle slash challenge with this practice for the average newcomer is this:
64 CANDICE assumes the facial expression of an ashamed toddler in trouble. He is in the following statements, mocking the people who don’t believe in themselves enough to entertain their respective customers with their pleasing personalities.
But everyday is just not really wonderful. I don’t have to lie to these customers to sell them some sugarcane now do I Chizzy?
No man, no...the answer is no. You do not have to in fact lie to our precious customers. YOU HAVE TO LIE TO YOURSELF YA FOOL!!! Everybody has trials, everybody has tribulations, and everybody faces daily hardships and adversities. What separates the beyond great from the below average is the ability to put aside their personal grievances and setbacks...and make the customer feel better about theirs. You just have to constantly remember FREDERICK; the customer has her own issues to deal with. And instead of dealing with these issues, she is shopping at the store you are currently working for. Maybe by shopping at your place of employment she is solving some of her issues...but most likely not. In that case, also remember FREDDY that your customers have probably shopped at your job way before it was, your job; and they just may continue to shop there once you leave for whatever reason, if you don’t scare them off with your negative attitude first. Now here is the fun part, there is a small majority of workers spread sparsely throughout the entire world responsible for a great number of their customer’s many visits to the shop in which they are employed. How do they accomplish this almost impossible task you ask? They do it by making the customers feel at peace and at home. Every customer does not reside in a peaceful abode, and the grandest of all the employees recognize this fact because maybe, they don’t either. For the great servicemen, work is an opportunity to escape their annoyingly rude 9yr old niece and her highly ignorant father. Work for them is an opportunity to learn how to treat people, how to interact with people of all different characteristics. It provides them the chance to treat an 80yr old female patron special, in front of the finest 26yr old model looking customer named Ms. Angel they have ever witnessed.
If that monologue didn’t convey the obvious benefits to you pimping, check this one out:
You have problems and so do your customers. So if you just happened to radiate a more positive outlook than anyone else around you; by law it would have to rub off on those whom you come into contact with for long periods of time. The formula is simple: make 100 people feel better and more at peace with their current situations and your personal problems take a back seat to the new attention you so often receive now. Do not ever forget FREDDY; you ARE going to receive a ton of positive press for this new found spiritual mentality. Once again, the formula is simple, guaranteed and proven to attain easy, free results: make 100 people laugh in one day and your problems seem much less relevant. I promise FREDDY, I promise.
The screen now turns black and a loud voice
JOEY
WARNING, WARNING! HEY SPOILER ALERT NNA
The screen fades back in with Chizzy resuming his informing rant
CANDICE
65 Now since the fun parts over, here comes the emotionally troubling part of this equation: The first 2months of this new mentality is going to bring many rumors your way. A few people are going to constantly accuse you or at least spread behind your back rumors of you being some type of drug addict. This is just a defense mechanism for the self conscious and insecure people who just can not understand why you are so “damn positive all the time”. By the time 6months rolls around, you should be a local celebrity. When you walk in the store with your uniform on, ready to clock in and perform your easy duties ever so wonderfully as always; the business patrons will be watching you. They were thinking about you. After all, you did a great job charming them. They walked into the store hoping they would run into you at the register right before they left the vicinity. The wives tell their husbands about you, they tell their sisters and girlfriends about your past conversations as well. The husbands may not be so chatty however. You often secretly know why people leave from other cashier’s registers just to be serviced by you. Why do they love you so much though? It is actually very, very simple. When they first walk up to you, they hear you thanking the previous customer for shopping at “enter your establishment here”. They secretly observed how well you interact with all the other customers, even the rare or not so rare rude customers. When you are ringing up their items you ask them how they are doing today. They give you a semi authentic answer sometimes. You have an ability to force them to reveal their positive side by pulling yours out first and SHOOTING THEM IN THE FACE
This is an exaggeration as well as a double meaning, which forces a laugh out of CANDICE
CANDICE
When they ask you in return the same question your reply is much more authentic. “Wonderful as Always” is your answer and the following is the breakdown. The word wonderful is in fact a wonderful word. What makes this phrase catchy and memorable are the last two words. By telling your customers you are doing wonderful, they will feel slightly elated but nevertheless they will just later brush it off as a temporary state. Maybe you are just doing wonderful for today. But no FREDDY, this is a huge mistake. Never let these people confuse you with the average frustrated chump worker bee. You my friend are an uncompromising genius. Now on the other hand, the “as always” part of this equation; creates a fantasy world in which you successfully live in. The “as always” immediately isolates you from the remaining employed staff members. This, “as always” forces the customer to fantasize about you. It forces them to imagine you as a person, so damn happy, every day of the week. Now the truth of the matter is, there are only a few people in this world who feel wonderful every day and in every way.
These people are the ones who understand “now moments”. Now moments simply represent the present moment. The only thing we humans ever truly “posses” is; the present moment. Every funny memory, every horrible memory and every future memory occurs in the present moment. The present moment is always changing and will always change. Every person has a mental ego; that negative inner voice which is always trying to judge what we see on the daily. It is always trying to convince us we are under siege, a threat is always near. Life only rarely gives us threatening situations. The funniest thing about it is; even in those times, we are still not facing eradication.
CANDICE looks down with desperation and a bit of confusion all over his face
CANDICE
I still haven’t figured this part out yet...soon enough though.
66 CANDICE then resumes that familiar pleasant facial expression he is so known for.
CANDICE
The easiest way to live peacefully is to understand now moments. A now moment is only meant to be appreciated. God’s universe gives us laws concerning appreciation. Statistically speaking, if we find 100 things in our current life situation to be grateful for, who’s to say God herself won’t give us 100 more things to be grateful for. Now wouldn’t that be great? So once we combine the law of gratitude with all the present moments, we receive a much more abundant life situation.
Now we have just stumbled into a wonderful conversational topic right here. What is the difference between your life and your life situation? Your life is just the culmination of everything you do; it can not be changed. Your life situation on the other hand, is every thing you can remember. All of these events are just your temporary life situation. Your life situation always changes. Now speaking of changing, I’m hopping in the shower.
CANDICE begins to stand and starts singing his famous shower tune.
CANDICE
I’m hopping in the shower. I’m going to need about an hour, while I hop up in the shower.
CANDICE walks to the last step and the camera will freeze. Once the camera resume, CANDICE will be at the first step of the flight.
INT. DAY. CANDICE’s bathroom
The camera will once again freeze and transition. The next time you see CANDICE, he will be in the foggy/misty shower booth.
The camera goes into a split screen. One side shows CANDICE washing up his upper body in the shower and the other side shows CANDICE’s girlfriend ASHLEIGH SATURDAY, knocking on the front door. CANDICE’s mom PATRICIA answers the door
EXT. DAY OUTSIDE OF CANDICE’s MOM’s HOUSE
PATRICIA
Good afternoon ASHLEIGH, how was work?
ASHLEIGH
It was ok until your son clocked out on me.
PATRICIA
That sure sounds like a nice compliment to me.
ASHLEIGH
67
Speaking of him, is he here?
PATRICIA
I believe he is; he is however in the shower. Would you like to wait for him? He should be on his way out very soon, or he’ll be paying for the water bill.
ASHLEIGH
Oh yes, Ma’am! ASHLEIGH wouldn’t have it any other way.
INT. DAY, CANDICE’s ROOM
ASHLEIGH proceeds to walk up the stairs to the second floor after Ms. PATRICIA asks her to step inside of the house. ASHLEIGH then decides over her options:
ASHLEIGH
Now I can get underneath his covers, make myself comfortable and pretend to be asleep inside of my own bed. Or I could matter of fact
ASHELIGH’s gaze heads over to CANDICE’s closet while she ponders her next move. She walks closer and closer to the closet until she is able to open it. She then opens it and finds a clean, crisp shirt which she presumes CANDICE will slide on after he successfully dries off his body. She knows CANDICE has just given away some of his smaller clothes and the proof of this is a big, empty space on the left of the shirt. She decides to position herself right there as she closes back the closet door.
INT. DAY, CANDICE’s BATHROOM
CANDICE is now dressing his lower body (socks, undergarments, and khaki shorts) right outside of the bathroom door. As he finishes, he slides over to the dirty clothes hamper and puts his dirty clothes “in their place”.
INT. DAY, CANDICE’s BEDROOM
As CANDICE enters his room with his towel around his neck, his intuition is buzzing with an incredible intensity. He can not put his finger on what is going on but listening to his intuition always feels so good. He tosses his towel onto his bed as he heads over to his closet to dress his upper body.
Right as he slides over the closet door, ASHLEIGH surprises him with an “attack kiss”. This surprise is so well planned it brings CANDICE to his left knee with his right foot positioned in the football huddle stance. ASHLEIGH then repositions herself so she is bending over him with their lips still in unison.
The camera now freezes on the couple kissing almost intensely. CANDICE now resumes narration of the story
68
CANDICE
Ah! ASHLEIGH NICOLE SATURDAY, the love of my life I hope. I’m young yes, almost 16; but still old enough to establish what makes me feel good. And this young lady right here, gee golly pish posh does she ever makes me feel good! I mean, way before we ever locked lips or even hugged. Her hugs feel better than her kisses to me sometimes. I love being the center of her attention. I myself am the center of other people’s attention so for her to be the center of mine; it is an outstanding accomplishment in its own right. Maybe she planned it like this, I know I didn’t. This is just the way God intended this situation to play out. The day I met ASHLEIGH was by far the best day of my entire life for several reasons. Turns out, I had interacted with ASHLEIGH 2 weeks before we were formally introduced. I had just printed out my 3rd official newsletter on positivity. I remember speaking to Monique one on one in the store’s deli café about something related. There she was, ASHLEIGH, sitting quietly and by herself at the table to our right. After my conversation with Monique was finished, I smoothly looked ASHLEIGH in her “gorgeous” eyes...passed an extra copy of the newsletter, asked her to read it for me and I left the store and went home.
I remember thinking, oh snap; if she’s too young I could get in trouble for giving her mature literature. So a few weeks later, on the day I was supposed to travel to Jacksonville, Florida, I met ASHLEIGH. I cancelled the trip due to lack of preparation. So on November 20th, instead of being in Jacksonville romancing a blind date, I had the exquisite pleasure of introducing myself formally to ASHLEIGH NICOLE SATURDAY on her 16th birthday mind you. I was off for that day and I was checking the schedule. I saw ASHLEIGH in her nicely ironed uniform and I failed to recognize her from before. It wasn’t until a month later that I made the connection. I loved shaking her hands. So the next few days, needless to say, I was smitten. I had this one other girl I was into at the job. She was into me as well but she had for the last year been romantically involved with another female who also worked with us. Cross that one off, now back to ASHLEIGH S. My job is to assist the customers and the cashiers along with a little handy work here and there. ASHLEIGH just so happens to be a cashier and it makes my job that much more interesting. I just feel so much calmer when I am under ASHLEIGH’s love spell. I never want to be around her more than when I am away from her. I am growing into a very independent young man but still; she affects me in a most positive manner. She is very mature, warm hearted, cool headed and an evenly balance individual. And she seems to like being an influential figure in my life as well.
CANDICE snaps back to “reality” once he notices ASHLEIGH has him face down in his bed sheets while she plays gleefully in his “long, silky, girly hair”.
CANDICE
Well since we are already here and ready...is ASHLEIGH thinking what CANDICE is thinking?
ASHLEIGH
Yes baby, of course I will braid your locks up if you’re patient enough boo. What were you just thinking about? You seemed pretty far gone yet I could still feel your presence...it was very weird.
CANDICE
Well of course ASHLEIGH, I was thinking ‘bout you boo. Why would I ever disrespect your company by thinking of anything...or even worse...any one else?
69
ASHLEIGH
I don’t know (very sarcastically)... every body makes mistakes
As ASHLEIGH says “every body makes mistakes” she playfully pushes CANDICE’s head back into his pillow
ASHLEIGH
So in what fashion were you thinking about me CANDICE? (She says CANDICE very strictly) What exact memory were you focusing on at the current moment?
ASHLEIGH whispers in CANDICE’s right ear in a very seductive and sexy manner “the current moment”. It is as if ASHLEIGH understands CANDICE’s thought process and what effect such an emphasis on those words would have on him.
So she taps his right shoulder twice while she sits on the edge of his bed. CANDICE understands the body language and sits down in-between ASHLEIGH’s legs in a non sexual manner so she can braid up his already locked up hair.
CANDICE
Well if you must know, NOZIPHO...I was re-imagining the best days of my life...the first month I interacted with you baby.
ASHLEIGH
Damn CHIZZY...you really know how to steal my emotions don’t you?
ASHLEIGH wipes a few oncoming tears from both cheeks and kisses the left side of CANDICE’s freshly cleaned neck. As ASHLEIGH begins the braiding, CANDICE resumes his ever so interesting monologue chronicling how he met ASHLEIGH in the first place
CANDICE
Now when I first became comfortable with ASHLEIGH...life appeared problem-less. There happened to be one problem however...it took the physical form of DUSTIN. Now DUSTIN is at this time, ASHLEIGH’s boyfriend of 3yrs. She told me she loved him still but she was no longer “in love” with him. Good for me in any case, but this would prove to be a most delicate situation. So how do you extract a young lady from a situation you helped her realize she no longer wants to be a participant in? The answer is so simple; you don’t. You can however, persuade her to extract herself. After all, it is she who is involved in the exclusive relationship. I only saw DUSTIN less than 10 times and I never wished to increase this count. Every time I saw him he seemed so quiet. Now there is nothing wrong with being quiet because I am quiet as well. His quiet accompanied a strange sense of insecurity however. I remembered ASHLEIGH showing me a few pictures on her phone of her and DUSTIN hanging out together. In the majority of the pictures, she was the only person actually smiling. To this day, I still have no clue what could have possibly been troubling him so
70 much that he felt it was politically incorrect to smile. Like did the camera man hold up a sign reading “show one tooth and I’m knocking all of them out!” with a sledge-hammer to go with it?
That’s the first time I realized I really wanted to be involved in an exclusive relationship with ASHLEIGH. I felt, if God gave me the opportunity, I wouldn’t let any of them down. It was so easy to visualize myself with her; once I was with her in my mind, I always saw myself smiling all the time like I was 5 again. There is a combination of innocence about ASHLEIGH as well as an undeniable sense of maturity about her. I know it’s obviously highly unfeasible for one person to possess both spiritual qualities...but her spirit is aligned enough to balance out both. I mean, simply put, she gets it in.
So if CANDICE is making ASHLEIGH out to be the “perfect woman for him”, then traditionally speaking, she must have been another man’s trash. The worst thing DUSTIN ever did was give me the opportunity to:
The screen fades out and JOEY cuts in once more for comedic effect.
JOEY
Immerse yo chick in a world of...FAN-TA-SAE-(drag out “SAE” for as long as possible) YEA- AH
Now back to CANDICE and his monologue
CANDICE
So once I had the chance to completely immerse ASHLEIGH SATURDAY into my world of constant, entertaining and self-improving adventure, their relationship was over. And I never had to kiss her; but I still did it anyway (laughs). Here’s how it happened: I had to work on a Saturday coincidentally and so did ASHLEIGH. I was scheduled for 2PM Eastern time but I was “on site” by noon, I just hate to be late anywhere. Little did I know however, God had placed me in a position to view ASHLEIGH in an emotional state she didn’t want me to see her in. ASHLEIGH decided to switch shifts with another worker JACKIE but I just didn’t know why. Jackie’s original Sat. shift was from 7AM until 2PM with a noon lunch break. I worked the same shift as ASHLEIGH’s original shift, 2PM until closing, 11PM. JACKIE is cool too, she’s just 10 yrs older than I am but nevertheless; the successful adapt to their ever changing life situations. What ASHLEIGH did not expect however, was me “waiting” for her while she went on her noon lunch break in the deli café. When I laid my eyes on her face for the first time that day, I flinched, and I never, ever flinch. I flinched because her boyfriend had obviously beaten the
The screen turns black and JOEY cuts in for a brief moment.
JOEY
CHILL OUT!!!
Back to CANDICE.
CANDICE
Out of her. So I immediately moved my chair closer to hers. What happened to your face ASHLEIGH SATURDAY!?!
71
ASHLEIGH
I don’t know...I guess I fell in my asleep
CANDICE
Ok, so now I’m stupid right? Looks to us like you fell victim to an unfair beat-down...that’s what it looks like.
ASHLEIGH
Wait a minute...who’s “us”? It is only us here.
CANDICE
“Us” is the lie detection agency and I.
CANDICE’s intuition was on point once again. That silly comment succeeded in making ASHLEIGH laugh.
ASHLEIGH
Now I can’t even stay mad at you CHIZZY
CANDICE
Wait...hold up a good minute! Why in the hill would you be upset with me? I mean, I didn’t do this to you.
ASHLEIGH looks down to a dead bug on the floor in despair as she prepares her response.
ASHLEIGH
I know you didn’t CANDICE, but DUSTIN thinks you and I have a romantic affair going on.
CANDICE takes a long sip like gulp from his sprite, places the cup back down on the coaster, wipes the moisture off from around his growing mustache and smiles. His next words exit one at a time in a very slow, seductive and hypnotic manner.
CANDICE
But...there...is...nothing...going...on...between...us...Simply put, you are not my type and you could never be so lucky.
CANDICE looks away as he declares “You are not my type and you could never be so lucky.” He then resumes with the eye contact. He can tell by the look on her face, which comment stunned her expectations obviously hurting her feelings in the process.
CANDICE then places his right hand on top of her left.
72
CANDICE
I was just fooling around with you ASHLEIGH, you should know without a doubt’s shadow I care about you...too much in fact for you to be “someone else’s girlfriend”.
ASHLEIGH
Well if you think I would actually stay in an abusive relationship with anyone, including that jerk-off DUSTIN; then I guess you are pretty stupid. My father never hit me and no one else will either...ever.
CANDICE smiles at this comment realizing his opportunity for a relationship with ASHLEIGH...finally. ASHLEIGH stands up, preparing to fix her something to eat. CANDICE stands up and positions his body right in front of her.
CANDICE
So what are you saying ASHLEIGH NICOLE?
ASHLEIGH
I’m just letting prospective investors now what’s on the emotional market.
ASHLEIGH laughs while she moves a strand of hair from the side of her face back to its original position. CANDICE notices this as an easy sign of attraction and indicator of interest.
CANDICE
So um...would you like to be my last girlfriend?
ASHLEIGH
HILL NO (with a sincere smile)
CANDICE
Well if that’s the case ASHLEIGH...I never said you could. I could just tell something was troubling you.
ASHLEIGH walks over to CANDICE slowly but surely, in an almost deliberate way.
ASHLEIGH
Oh! You could just tell huh? Well what’s troubling me is the fact you took my first answer seriously.
CANDICE
ASHLEIGH please, I hardly take anything you say serious...let alone at face value.
CANDICE rubs his right index finger across the left side of ASHLEIGH’s cheeks, wiping off the remaining tears as he says “let alone at face value”.
73
ASHLEIGH
So ask me again...please
ASHLEIGH maintains eye contact with CANDICE as she un-buttons the top button of his uniform shirt.
CANDICE
ASHLEIGH NICOLE SATURDAY...please be my first girlfriend
ASHLEIGH
I thought at first you said last?
CANDICE
Yea I know...I can play games a little bit too ASH. First, last, it just doesn’t matter; what matters is you are my present moment...and present moments last forever.
ASHLEIGH looks up at CANDICE like she never has before but always does now- a-days.
ASHLEIGH
You mean I’m your every thing?
CANDICE
Every since your last birthday my little personal watermelon...pun intended.
ASHLEIGH takes one step closer to CANDICE and this leaves no “personal space” in-between them. CANDICE takes a step back to test her. ASHLEIGH complies by once again stepping closer to him.
ASHLEIGH
So what now?
CANDICE
Well, first things first; I help you forget about your troubled past relationship.
ASHLEIGH
Well if I may interject; isn’t that what got us into trouble CANDICE?
ASHLEIGH smiles as she grabs hold of CANDICE’s hand and places it on her face so he could rub it smoothly once more. She has already grown accustomed to his serene touch.
CANDICE
74 Hold up, I’m not in trouble. It’s a real shame what he did to you...a damn shame. Inside this temporary tragedy however; God gave me what I wanted most; you ASHLEIGH, you. All I wanted was an opportunity to rightfully be able to do this;
CANDICE lifts up ASHLEIGH’s chin and attempts to kiss her. By this point his hand is supporting her neck and he felt her shake at the impact; she likes it. The kiss itself lasts for about 30 seconds. One second for every day he knew her before they were an “exclusive item”. The kiss ends...for now.
CANDICE
So how long do you have on your break again?
CANDICE and ASHLEIGH both look at their respective watch and cell phone. When ASHLEIGH opens up her phone, she is reminded of DUSTIN because an older picture of them serves as her backgrounds. She snaps a quick picture of CANDICE and proceeds to make that one her new background wallpaper.
ASHLEIGH
Aw! Now that’s better boo boo. You are so much cuter than him anyway. It is now 12:10PM and I have 20 minutes left boo. Why, what do you want to do with me CANDICE darling?
CANDICE
Treat you to a healthy lunch while we discuss “trivial” matters of no real importance.
ASHLEIGH
Ooh, aren’t you the eventful new boyfriend?
ASHLEIGH and CANDICE begin to pack up their stuff and visit the Chinese based restaurant located in the same shopping plaza as their place of employment. The camera will freeze frame and fade to white as they leave the building.
CANDICE’s monologue is finally over and now we observe him with 75% of his hair braided. His eyes were closed the entire time and he now re-opens them.
ASHLEIGH
So you back now CANDY?
CANDICE
Yes baby, CANDY’s back in effect
ASHLEIGH
You know DUSTIN came by house yesterday night, around 9PM Eastern time?
CANDICE
75
Andddd? What else happened?
ASHLEIGH
Nothing too significant or romantic or anything, he just came by to apologize again...for what happened between us. He seems to be really broken up by it.
CANDICE
Well I’m sure he is...I’d be broken up too if I was in his position. Once my mother found out I hit you, regardless of the situation I would be even more broken.
They both share a hearty laugh together.
CANDICE
So did you accept his apology again?
ASHLEIGH
As a matter of fact CANDICE, I did; under one simple condition. He is never to approach me anywhere without my non text message hand written note.
CANDICE
Jeesh, ASHLEIGH, seems like a considerable amount of “trouble” to go through just to communicate with him.
ASHLEIGH
That’s the point though CANDY, I have no interest in interacting with that...wonderful person.
They both realize the irony in ASHLEIGH’s words and resume their “couple’s laughter” once more.
CANDICE
Have you ever heard of the “mastermind principle” ASHLEIGH?
ASHLEIGH
Not at all, what is that? A new government mandate of some sort?
CANDICE
No silly, no.
CANDICE begins to laugh uncontrollably at ASHLEIGH’s “genuine answer”.
CANDICE
The mastermind principle is an older term coined by the great Napoleon Hill.
76
ASHLEIGH
Um, don’t you mean Napolean Bonaparte?
CANDICE once again finds this insanely comical and begins to outbursts so hard, ASHLEIGH has to stop braiding his hair and slap him upside his head.
ASHLEIGH
If you keep treating my answers like that, this is how you are walking around tomorrow. Now I suggest you respond to my answers like you have some foresight.
This in itself is a reference to one of the lessons Napoleon Hill teaches about. This reveals ASHLEIGH may in fact know more about Hill’s teachings than she admitted to.
CANDICE
Ok baby, ok, I apologize sincerely. Common mistake, (snickers) Napolean Bonaparte was an ancient conqueror and war lord. Napoleon Hill however, differed in many noticeable ways. Napoleon Hill was more interested in conquering the human mind to achieve greatness in any undertaking undertaken. So Hill spent about 2 consecutive decades researching the most prominent, industrious and wealthy people all over the country and maybe even the world. After these 20 yrs, his contact list was tremendously stupendous I would imagine.
ASHLEIGH
Yes I would too.
CANDICE
So anyway, Hill started off as some sort of journalist and his most recent assignment at the time was to interview United Steel Corporation legend Andrew Carnegie Sr. So Mr. Carnegie was so impressed with this young man for whatever reason, he offered him an once in a lifetime opportunity. Carnegie would set use his ever so abundant resources to set up several meetings with a few of his friends, some of the richest people ever creating their own first generation wealth. The catch was Hill would not be paid for his efforts; he was to assemble a success manual from all the hard hours he spent extracting personal information from these “industry giants”. He was given the opportunity to spend more time with these almost billionaires in a 20yr span than the “average person” is allotted in a life time. Plus not only was he allotted time with these people, but he had the reference from another person worth $500Million. What more could you ask for?
ASHLEIGH
A lifetime with you
They both realize her attempt to further humanize the moment with a soft sell and they kiss passionately before CANDICE resumes his dialogue.
CANDICE
77 Thank you hummingbird; almost done here. So Hill is at this point expected to interview every person he was sent to, determine what they back-stories were, their hardships and what drove them to acquire all of the wealth they did; their secrets to success if you would call it that. I would suppose Carnegie himself planned to profit from the book himself, once it was fully published and distributed. After all, his honorable mentions of the project along with his actual participation slash organization of the project should help the book sales too. His not initially getting paid was kind of a crummy deal but Carnegie’s point was; if the success manual truly worked, which it obviously did, then Hill would receive all the compensation he and his future generations would ever need in life. What Hill did not figure out until later was Carnegie believed men slow to reach a decision can never succeed. Carnegie was timing Hill’s answer, giving him only 60 seconds to comply or turn it down before he was ultimately disqualified.
ASHLEIGH
Ouch, so much suspense man!!!
CANDICE
Yes I know right...so anyway, Hill was smart enough to comply within 20 seconds or less. I’ll have to listen to the tapes again for the exact number of seconds. So to wrap up the story; he published the interviews into a book titled “Napoleon Hill’s the law of success in 17 or 18 lessons”. The book was so powerful, the most powerful people who control the world decided this manual was too intense for the masses and took it down.
ASHLEIGH
So what did Hill do after that? They just stripped away his new found source of residual income!!!
CANDICE
Please calm down baby, he just went back and stripped away some of the most powerful principles in the story. He then published another book called “Think and Grow Rich”. I remember purchasing the audio- book version and downloading the e-book version. The audio version is 8 hrs is long, which is long mind you. When compared to The Law of Success’ audio length, it is only 1/3rd, which is so tragic. I felt taken advantage of when I first realized this fact. So I downloaded the Law of Success and am STILL LISTENING TO IT. I mean, it is 24 freaking hrs long ASHLEIGH; that’s even a lot of knowledge for yours truly.
ASHLEIGH
So what does the “mastermind principle” have to do with Napoleon Hill, think and grow rich and the law of success?
CANDICE
Simple, the “mastermind principle” is just lesson number one or two believe. The mastermind states once a person has a definite aim to reach for, other people who desire to achieve the same goal should be gathered into a group.
ASHLEIGH
Ah Ha! The Mastermind incarnate!!!
78
CANDICE
Exactly baby, exact-a-mundo. Hill goes on to explain water itself is another mastermind.
ASHLEIGH
Oh yeah, two molecules of oxygen and one molecule of hydrogen.
CANDICE
I love you
He wipes off his tears after this heart-felt remark.
CANDICE
A table is a mastermind too; the wood and the legs, even the chairs. So the main ingredient of the mastermind following the definite purpose is harmony. Without harmony, the mastermind group can never ever exist. If harmony is kept in tact however, then the group’s members are able to tap into the subconscious mind of the remaining members.
ASHLEIGH
As long as the harmony remains!
CANDICE
You so have gotten the concept down-packed.
The remaining 25% of CANDICE’s hair is completely braided up. He stands up to conclude the story.
ASHLEIGH
GREAT story baby; only one question.
CANDICE
What is it baby?
ASHLEIGH
Please let me drive you over to my mom’s house for dinner. We are making salmon cakes and patties, then you can explain more about the mastermind and the “subconscious mind” I’ve never heard of that before.
CANDICE looks towards the camera in a completely stupefied manner. It is almost as if everyone he knows knows something about the “subconscious mind”. There is a strong probability ASHLEIGH knows more about the subconscious mind than CANDICE does; she just loves hearing him speak. It is her way of helping him gain more confidence in his oratory skills.
79 The camera moves out of the room as the passionate, young couple kiss and exits the house. Once the camera is outside, it turns up to show the serene looking sky. The viewers will hear the footsteps treading down the stairs.
EXT. NIGHT, CANDICE’s FRONT LAWN
ASHLEIGH and CANDICE exit the house and enter ASHLEIGH’s newly washed car.
INT. NIGHT, ASHLEIGH’s CAR
ASHLEIGH
You requested permission from your mother to leave the house and have dinner with my family?
CANDICE
HA...permission?
ASHLEIGH shoots a stern look in CANDICE’s direction, aimed only at him.
CANDICE
Of course baby, I was just playing
ASHLEIGH
That’s just what I thought
The camera slowly backs up and lifts up vertically as it observes the car drive off. CANDICE is heard repeating his ignorant phrase once again.
CANDICE
Ha! Permission...
ASHLEIGH is heard slapping him, presumably in the head
The End TUNECHI and Company
I would love a 6month internship with YOUNG MONEY FILMS because in reality,
6months is more than enough time to prove to you all just how valuable my presence
combined with my ideas is. God constantly gives me an abundance of wonderful ideas
and I would love an opportunity to prove myself.
If you actually made it to this page Wayne, I think it s safe to say I did and just
know my bags are packed and ready to go when you are Sir Tune. I also want to
80 thank my mother Suzanne Harris for her support and my father David Harris Sr. for
listening to my dream and providing the funds to send this to you as well as insight on
how to make sure it gets to you.

Gotham Knights and Biomutant are the only games I have a set price for, neither are for trade, don't send me a list of random games asking to trade for them or I'll block you. EU preferred, I can take $ but 1$ more for Gotham Knights and 0.50$ more for Biomutant because € and $ aren't equal and you have to cover fees. Same with pounds but less.
Only interested in Paypal offers and games in the title don't comment if you don't have either to offer. For AAA games I'm only taking Paypal offers, not trades Any comments with lists of random games I likely already own will be ignored and possibly blocked. My region is EU, if you are outside of EU you have to cover Paypal fees. I do not have a set price for anything, if you ask "how much for" you'll be asked if you have a price in mind.
Jurassic World Evolution 2
BIOMUTANT (might keep)
Hero's Hour (might keep)
Rogue Lords
Golden Light
Batora: Lost Haven (might keep)
Call of the Sea
Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice
112 Operator
911 Operator
Agent in Depth
Alchemist's Castle
Arcade Spirits
Armello
Backbone
Cris Tales
Death Squared
Detached: Non-VR Edition
Doughlings: Arcade
Doughlings: Invasion
Euro Truck Simulator 2
Farming Simulator 17
Firegirl: Hack 'n Splash Rescue (might keep)
Frick, Inc.
Ghostrunner
Gotham Knights
Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
Guns & Fishes
Hack 'n' Slash
Hyper Gunsport
Izmir: An Independence Simulator
Lighthouse Keeper
Little Orpheus (might keep)
Lust from Beyond: M Edition
Meow Express
MirrorMoon EP
Monaco
Mount & Blade: Warband
Non-Stop Raiders
Orbital Racer
Pathfinder: Kingmaker
PAYDAY 2
Planet TD
Project Chemistry
Quadrata
Remnants of Naezith
Rym 9000
Soul Searching
Soulblight
Soulflow
Space Crew: Legendary Edition
Stacking
Stick Fight: The Game
Strange Brigade
Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones
Sunlight
SYMMETRY
System Shock 2
System Shock: Enhanced Edition
The Amazing American Circus
The Inner World
Ticket to Ride
Worms Rumble
XCOM 2
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack
XEL
Zombie Driver HD Complete Edition
Dorfromantik (might keep)
DARQ (might keep)
Fallout
Five Dates
Othercide (might keep)

• GameGuru Classic
• STAR WARS™: Knights of the Old Republic™
• Driftland: The Magic Revival
• Red Faction: Armageddon
• Puzzle Chronicles
• STAR WARS™ Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy™
• STAR WARS™ Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast™
• Distrust
• Radio Commander
• Fury Unleashed
• Main Assembly
• RPG Maker VX (may keep)
• Hamilton's Great Adventure
• Reventure
• [Amnesia: The Dark Descent](httpsa://store.steampowered.com/app/57300/)
• LEGO® MARVEL's Avengers (may keep)
• Oddworld: Stranger's Wrath HD (may keep)
• Dungeon of the ENDLESS™
• Go Home Dinosaurs!
• Soulblight
• Lust for Darkness
• RPG Maker VX Ace - DS Resource Pack
• RPG Maker VX Ace - Zombie Survival Graphic Pack
• Iron Danger (may keep)
• The Swindle
• Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
• Amnesia: Rebirth
• X-Morph: Defense
• Treasure Hunter Simulator
• Orbital Racer
• Nongunz: Doppelganger Edition
• LEGO® MARVEL Super Heroes 2 (may keep)
• Where the Water Tastes Like Wine
• Monsters' Den Chronicles
• Telefrag VR
• NecroWorm
• We are alright (Wszystko z nami w porządku)
• RPG Maker VX Ace - Old School Modern Graphics Pack 2
• Rebel Cops
• Farmer's Dynasty
• The Plague: Kingdom Wars
• PlataGO!
• LEGO® MARVEL Super Heroes (may keep)
• Bang-On Balls: Chronicles (may keep)
• Jetboard Joust
• Forgive Me Father (may keep)
• Aliens vs. Predator Collection
• LEGO® Star Wars™ III: The Clone Wars™
• Golf Gang
• Maid of Sker
• Hedon Bloodrite (may keep)
• Kingdoms of Amalur: Re-Reckoning FATE Edition (may keep)
• Blade Assault (may keep)
• DOOM Eternal (may keep)
• Grow: Song of the Evertree (may keep)
• Scribble It! - Premium Edition
• [Liberated] (GOG)
• [Wanderlust Travel Stories] (GOG)

My full list of games: https://barter.vg80b7/t/ (this link might be more up to date than the list above)
Full wishlist (bundled games are at the top so you don't have to scroll through tons of unbundled and upcoming games): https://barter.vg80b7/w/f/?filter=0,17,0,0
https://store.steampowered.com/wishlist/id/superteletubbies64/
IGSRep (no longer updating): https://old.reddit.com/IGSRep/comments/p7k848/superteletubbies64s_igs_rep_page/

Gotham Knights and Biomutant are the only games I have a set price for, neither are for trade, don't send me a list of random games asking to trade for them or I'll block you. EU preferred, I can take $ but 1$ more for Gotham Knights and 0.50$ more for Biomutant because € and $ aren't equal and you have to cover fees. Same with pounds but less.
Only interested in Paypal offers and games in the title don't comment if you don't have either to offer. For AAA games I'm only taking Paypal offers, not trades Any comments with lists of random games I likely already own will be ignored and possibly blocked. My region is EU, if you are outside of EU you have to cover Paypal fees. I do not have a set price for anything, if you ask "how much for" you'll be asked if you have a price in mind.
Jurassic World Evolution 2
BIOMUTANT (might keep)
Hero's Hour (might keep)
Rogue Lords
Golden Light
Batora: Lost Haven (might keep)
Call of the Sea
Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice
112 Operator
911 Operator
Agent in Depth
Alchemist's Castle
Arcade Spirits
Armello
Backbone
Cris Tales
Death Squared
Detached: Non-VR Edition
Doughlings: Arcade
Doughlings: Invasion
Euro Truck Simulator 2
Farming Simulator 17
Firegirl: Hack 'n Splash Rescue (might keep)
Frick, Inc.
Ghostrunner
Gotham Knights
Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
Guns & Fishes
Hack 'n' Slash
Hyper Gunsport
Izmir: An Independence Simulator
Lighthouse Keeper
Little Orpheus (might keep)
Lust from Beyond: M Edition
Meow Express
MirrorMoon EP
Monaco
Mount & Blade: Warband
Non-Stop Raiders
Orbital Racer
Pathfinder: Kingmaker
PAYDAY 2
Planet TD
Project Chemistry
Quadrata
Remnants of Naezith
Rym 9000
Soul Searching
Soulblight
Soulflow
Space Crew: Legendary Edition
Stacking
Stick Fight: The Game
Strange Brigade
Stygian: Reign of the Old Ones
Sunlight
SYMMETRY
System Shock 2
System Shock: Enhanced Edition
The Amazing American Circus
The Inner World
Ticket to Ride
Worms Rumble
XCOM 2
X-Morph: Defense Complete Pack
XEL
Zombie Driver HD Complete Edition
Dorfromantik (might keep)
DARQ (might keep)
Fallout
Five Dates
Othercide (might keep)

• GameGuru Classic
• STAR WARS™: Knights of the Old Republic™
• Driftland: The Magic Revival
• Red Faction: Armageddon
• Puzzle Chronicles
• STAR WARS™ Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy™
• STAR WARS™ Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast™
• Distrust
• Radio Commander
• Fury Unleashed
• Main Assembly
• RPG Maker VX (may keep)
• Hamilton's Great Adventure
• Reventure
• [Amnesia: The Dark Descent](httpsa://store.steampowered.com/app/57300/)
• LEGO® MARVEL's Avengers (may keep)
• Oddworld: Stranger's Wrath HD (may keep)
• Dungeon of the ENDLESS™
• Go Home Dinosaurs!
• Soulblight
• Lust for Darkness
• RPG Maker VX Ace - DS Resource Pack
• RPG Maker VX Ace - Zombie Survival Graphic Pack
• Iron Danger (may keep)
• The Swindle
• Morbid: The Seven Acolytes
• Amnesia: Rebirth
• X-Morph: Defense
• Treasure Hunter Simulator
• Orbital Racer
• Nongunz: Doppelganger Edition
• LEGO® MARVEL Super Heroes 2 (may keep)
• Where the Water Tastes Like Wine
• Monsters' Den Chronicles
• Telefrag VR
• NecroWorm
• We are alright (Wszystko z nami w porządku)
• RPG Maker VX Ace - Old School Modern Graphics Pack 2
• Rebel Cops
• Farmer's Dynasty
• The Plague: Kingdom Wars
• PlataGO!
• LEGO® MARVEL Super Heroes (may keep)
• Bang-On Balls: Chronicles (may keep)
• Jetboard Joust
• Forgive Me Father (may keep)
• Aliens vs. Predator Collection
• LEGO® Star Wars™ III: The Clone Wars™
• Golf Gang
• Maid of Sker
• Hedon Bloodrite (may keep)
• Kingdoms of Amalur: Re-Reckoning FATE Edition (may keep)
• Blade Assault (may keep)
• DOOM Eternal (may keep)
• Grow: Song of the Evertree (may keep)
• Scribble It! - Premium Edition
• [Liberated] (GOG)
• [Wanderlust Travel Stories] (GOG)

My full list of games: https://barter.vg80b7/t/ (this link might be more up to date than the list above)
Full wishlist (bundled games are at the top so you don't have to scroll through tons of unbundled and upcoming games): https://barter.vg80b7/w/f/?filter=0,17,0,0
https://store.steampowered.com/wishlist/id/superteletubbies64/
IGSRep (no longer updating): https://old.reddit.com/IGSRep/comments/p7k848/superteletubbies64s_igs_rep_page/

My wizard that I'm playing considering taking the Magical Crafting skill feat and I want to be sure I understand the crafting rules for wands before adding it to my crafting formula book. From the rules it reads "You only need to learn one 1st-level formula to Craft a magic wand."
Does this mean that I only need a single wand formula in my recipe book to craft wands of any level or does this only allow me to craft wands with 1st-level spells in them. Alternatively, does it mean that I need to add a 2nd-level formula to my book into order to then craft a wand with a 2nd-level spell in it?
It's very similar to the rules for crafting scrolls which states "You need to learn only a single 1st-level formula to Craft scrolls."
Main difference between the two is "single 1st-level formula" vs "one 1st-level formula". Do these mean the same thing or am I reading into it too much?

My mother died in the hospital on St Patrick's Day. The whole experience was traumatic and horrifying and I'm going to dress up as Batman and prowl every medical malpractice law office in the state screaming about the man who killed my mother until I get some resolution. But what I really need to get off my chest is my experience with the funeral director.
I'm 38, my older half sister and brother are 58 and 61. I lived with my mother most of my adult life. She had a very minor disability. We didn't get along all the time, but I enjoyed her company and was always happy to live with her.
My siblings have always lived their own lives and live out of state. When she was in the hospital, they both took time off to visit for a few days, but towards the end, it was me and her on our own. She passed, and they insisted on taking care of the funeral. I was very grateful. I'm a teacher... so I make a living wage, but... not as much as they do. Although I still think the honorable thing to do would be to pay them back with her small life insurance payout! They keep declining.
My sister found a local mortuary with good reviews. Within hours of her death, I was told arrangements had been made. The hospital had packed my mothers things and literally escorted me out of the ICU room. I spent the evening plotting revenge, crying, and being harassed by donor alliance.
Donor alliance called within an hour of her death and asked if they could take her skin. She was 80 years old. And her skin was trash. We have a body farm in town. I thought it would upset my brother if I agreed. I said no, she talked over me, insisting they were a non-profit organization, I said no again. She talked over me, saying my mother was on the donor list and it's what she would have wanted. I said no again, she talked over me and said that donation saves lives. My friend grabbed the phone and told them we were not interested in donation. She talked over my friend and said skin graphs could help burn patients. I said no two more times and hung up.
My sister flew out on Tuesday and we met with the funeral director. She said she found a place that does Direct Cremation for $747. I was suspicious - my sister didn't know that our county literally just had a whole fiasco where a different mortuary was sued into oblivion for selling chopped up body parts and giving people fake ashes - but I'm of the mind that the body isn't important after the soul moves on.
We go to the funeral home and spend 2.5 hours talking to the Funeral Director. He is a rambling old man who interrupts and talks over people. During the time we were there, he told us about his own health problems - from an early heart attack to some broken bones, he told us about all the restaurants in town he knew the owner of, stories about his granddaughter - he really just did not want to get down to business.
This is important later, because the crux of his argument becomes: "I spent so much time comforting you, isn't that worth money!?"
Finally, he asked for my sister's credit card and headed downstairs to take care of the bill. I assumed they had everything worked out over the phone earlier. My sister noticed a hung certificate on the wall that had a different funeral service name and commented on it out loud. We were quietly chatting about that when he returned.
He returned and immediately said, "That's my OTHER funeral home. Yup, I have two. This is the cheaper option, in fact, I gave you a bunch of this home's discounts." Wink, wink.
He had run my sisters card and gave her a two page sheet of hand written expenses. It amounted to $2,100. He quickly, and confusedly, explained what some of the costs were: $250 for after hour pick up, $335 or $85 (he wasn't clear) on a credit card processing fee. Direct cremation, around $1,400. My eyes bulged out, because that's not what I was expecting, but I didn't want know if that was what my sister agreed to or not. So I stayed quiet.
That was when he informed us that he did not own a crematorium. That his 'trusted' friend who goes to Denver all the time to help with this was going to take her to a crematorium in Denver and then bring her back.
Ghoulish images of my mother sitting in the back of someone's truck, surrounded by Mcdonalds ice bags and twelve packs of cold beer danced in my head.
When we got home, my sister began to examine the bill.
Over the course of the next few days, he would call us incessantly. The bill had been paid, but he needed to approval of some things... like getting my brother to sign the cremation certificate or getting the correct spelling of a name, sometimes he'd just call us wanting to know if we had checked her obituary on their website and checked out the memory book they were selling. Have I looked at the website yet? How about now? Have I looked at it yet? Just calling to see if I've seen her obituary yet, they chose Danny Boy to play on a midi loop in the background! Long, rambling conversations. He became convinced that I was 'uncomfortable' handling the ashes, and wanted to check multiple times that it would be okay for me to pick them up... or he could express mail them to my sister. For a fee, no doubt.
I began to do research. I learned that funeral homes are required by the FTC to disclose all expenses during the arrangement meeting. It's called the Funeral Rule. No such disclosure had been made with my sister, she was just told she could do the $747 package.
I learned that it was illegal in our state to charge a credit card processing fee (but they could offer a cash discount and bake the processing fee into other things).
What the hell was this random $335 fee coming from? And why was the direct cremation quoted at 1,400-something. That was the price for his other funeral home, I figured out.
He told me that Donor Alliance wouldn't release the body until 11:30pm, and that's why we got charged an afterhours fee. Because the hospital told him he "had" to pick it up. (Or else?) But I found out our hospital will hold a body for up to 48 hours for the family to make arrangements.
The reviews for his place were fine. Four stars. You had to REALLY dig to find the bad ones. But... if you checked his OTHER funeral home... that's where I found everything. "Fraud," "He fucked up the death certificate 3 times," "the hurst ran a red light and got in a fender bender with my dad in the back," "ships bodies to Denver."
My sister was horrified. Imagine a whole week of grieving with your mom's daughter occasionally going, "You must think I'm a moron, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I should have known."
I told her she couldn't have known. The reviews were good. How often did one person single handedly arrange a funeral? His website looks legit. There's a whole slew of online articles warning about things like this happening because it happens so often. It wasn't her fault.
He called us a few days ago to let us know our mom was in transport and would arrive at the crematorium in 15-20 minutes. I was journaling EVERYTHING. I asked him what the name was of the place she was being sent.
"Well, she isn't there yet. She'll be there in 15-20 minutes."
He was trying to Jedi mind trick me. These are not the droids you're looking for. "I asked WHAT IS THE NAME of the crematorium she's been sent to."
"It's called Encore, but you aren't allowed to call them. You only talk to ME." He insisted. "You can ONLY talk to me. I am your point of contact. You can't contact them."
I was convinced his friend was parked outside someone's funeral home, waiting for the lights to go out, so he could slither in and dump 12 bodies into their incinerator.
My sister sent an e-mail with a screenshot of the package she purchased and a request for an itemized list.
For once, he did not call us right away. We called him the next day, but he said he was at lunch and would call us back. He called us around 6:00 that night.
My sister talked for a bit, but he rolled over her, so I grabbed the phone. I told him that we needed an itemized list of the expenses, as required by FTC law. He said they never discussed a exact amount. I told him my sister got the "Direct Cremation, Urn, and Cremation Service - COMPLETE" package for $747.
He told me that that package was a deal meant for veterans, and I must have read the website wrong.
I went to the website. All of his prices and funeral packages had been erased. The page was blank.
Luckily, we had the screenshot from earlier. And I used the wayback machine to capture a cache image of that page stating exactly what I was talking about. There were no veteran discounts offered on his site.
I told him that he couldn't charge us a credit card processing fee. It was illegal in our state. He said he'd wave it, but wanted me to admit that he spent almost 3 hours talking to us, and wasn't his time worth money? Every time I tried to talk, he'd shout over me that WASN'T HIS TIME WORTH MONEY? He had to pay his employees! That's just how business worked, he had to pay his employees! Hadn't he treated us with respect? I was going to give him a heart attack, did I want to be responsible for giving him a heart attack?
I told him I didn't know that him ranting about his favorite local Mexican restaurant was part of his billable hours.
I had to start raising my voice: let me speak. Stop interrupting me. When do I get to speak? LET ME SPEAK.
He'd counter with: DID I NOT TREAT YOUR FAMILY WITH RESPECT, YES OR NO. YES. OR NO.
Then I told him I was going to report him to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and The Funeral Consumers Alliance and my state Attorney General if he did not give us an itemized list of expenses. Or I tried to, he was shouting over me that he was a human being and that he had to pay his employees a fair wage, and did I know what the definition of 'over time' was?
My sister and I had agreed to pay for the $747 package, the $250 after hour fee, and the cost of the death certificates. I prepared to make that offer if he continued to interrupt me and NOT give us an itemized list.
After screaming at us for 47 minutes - we're a one party state, so I was recording the conversation on my laptop - he said, "I'll tell you what. Because I'm such a good person, I'll refund you half of the bill." I did the math, repeated the date several times for my recording, and agreed. Half of the bill was the amount I was going to counter with.
The next day was dealing with him calling every 15 minutes, deciding if he was going to pay us back with certified funds (OH BOY) or do a refund and get cash (my sister was from out of State, she didn't have cash), or... every convoluted thing he could think of that wasn't just refunding her credit card. I insisted my sister call her credit card and let them know what was happening, but she didn't want to.
He asked that, since he was losing money here, if my brother would mind picking up her ashes in Denver. Visions of my incredibly distraught brother having to meet some shady in a Walmart parking lot like a bad Craig's list sale danced through my head.
I recorded this session too. It was in person. He mentioned that it would take several days to get the ashes back to our town. That "I knew how tricky they were." I asked for clarification. Did he mean Encore Crematorium, the state capital funeral home that I wasn't allowed to call? No, he said, "Donor Alliance."
Was the "trust worthy" friend who shipped her body from Donor Alliance? Then I remembered Sunset Mesa Mortuary. Another local funeral home, you might have seen it on the news. They chopped up body parts, sold them on the "body market," and gave families fake ashes. They went through a fake company called "Donor Alliance, Inc."
Was this guy the new body dealer?
For fucks sake, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I'm looking forward to getting dirt and sand with my mother's name on it in an urn.

8:02 a.m.
When I entered Charlie’s this morning, Lacie and Maura were already there. Lacie sat behind the service desk, speaking quickly with her hands while Maura soaked up every word she said.
Lacie had been working with Maura and Gabe to help them harvest the energy supply of Charlie’s. Many customers leave a sort of emotional footprint when they shop here. Since they clearly weren’t going anywhere, Lacie decided to teach them how to harvest the energy from those emotions. It helped them retain memories, better understand the world, and interact with their surroundings. They had been unconsciously doing it since they first appeared here after death, but she was teaching them how to control it.
This lesson seemed a bit different today, though. The 1st thing I heard come out of Maura’s mouth was, “So they no longer do lobotomies, but you all will willing poke holes in your body for fashion?” She reached out and lightly flicked Lacie’s septum piercing while she said “fashion,” making Lacie giggle.
“How underfunded was your asylum if they still did lobotomies?” asked Lacie.
Maura rolled her eyes. “Why do you think I wanted to leave so bad?”
Lacie giggled again before finally acknowledging me. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and wrapped an arm around my waist. “Good morning.”
“Morning,” I responded with a smile. “Hey, Maura.”
“Yo,” she responded.
I walked over to register one and put in my log in code in preparation for the day. Lacie asked if I needed her help with anything, but I told her they could keep doing their thing. Before I had even walked off, however, history class was abruptly put on hold. Our attention went toward the sliding glass doors as two women entered, one younger and one older.
The gears in my head began to turn as I realized I recognized the woman, but I couldn’t remember from where.
And then it hit me.
Ursula Jones was walking towards us. The Father’s replacement.
Surprisingly, weapons are not hot commodity at Charlie’s. I mean, they are, but they aren’t laying out all willy nilly. Most are in protective packaging. So, to defend myself, I picked up the thing closest to me: the conveyor belt grocery divider. I brandished it like a sword, pointing it right at the enemy.
“Good morning, darlings!” greeted Ursula as she placed a ribbonned basket of muffins onto the register’s conveyor belt. Her short brown hair was rolled into poodle cut curls. She wore a simple black dress, black flats, pearl earrings, and bright red lipstick. Very fashionable, but I know enough about femme fatales not to let my guard down.
She gave my makeshift weapon a look of pity before gently moving it downwards with one finger. “Did the previous owners not tell you?”
The younger girl, a miniature of Ursula and surely her daughter, eyed us curiously as she sucked on a cherry red lollipop. She was decked out in more black than her mother with three cross necklaces adorning her neck, all of their chains at varying lengths. The only color about her was the forrest green tips to her long black hair.
“Tell us what?” asked Lacie. I could tell by the fist clenched at her side that she was also on high alert and ready to summon any number of powers to defend the store.
Ursula gave us a wide grin. “I’m the new owner of Charlie’s,” she announced before motioning to her gothly daughter. “And this is my daughter Daisy, your new store manager.”

9:10 a.m.
While randomly getting new bosses today might be stressful to us and possibly even you, dear reader, especially if you’ve been in a similar scenario, the owners have never been fond of other’s emotions. Wanna know how they told us goodbye? After I called them approximately 15 times, all of which got sent to voicemail, and also text them asking what was going on, they finally gave us a response. The response was creating a group chat, sending a message to said group chat containing only the peace sign emoji, and then blocking all of our numbers.
However, as long as the doors are open, the customers will keep coming. And they did, and so the day went on. Before we had even had time to process the huge change and how it might impact us, we were getting our morning rush.
“Ahem,” said a voice behind me.
I turned around to find Daisy waiting expectantly with her hot pink clipboard. It had black and white star stickers all over the back. “I would very much like for you to show me all of this business’ amenities.”
I nodded before pausing my task. I would have to finish counting the clown statues later. The only reason I had started counting them was because a customer told me they saw one wandering around, which would explain why they had been going missing over the last few weeks. I got up to 13, so don’t let me forget that number.
I took her to the Bloody Bathroom first and explained its historical significance. When the blood flow was still a thing to worry about, we would jokingly say the bathroom was menstruating. The bathroom hadn’t had its time of the month in a while, but it’s definitely something we would not forget.
Next up, I brought her to Gary’s deli. While she seemed rather cheerful at Gary’s lovable demeanor, I think she was a little put off when he couldn’t tell her where his Special of the Day spleens had come from. My stern look told him to keep quiet, which made his smile quickly disappear and disappointment take its place. She asked me if I ordered it, and I told her I let Gary handle the deli tasks. I also chose not to mention that I had accidentally found Gary’s little black book of victims a while back, and I had a good guess at just how well he knew those spleens. To be fair, little black books of all kinds are not considered conversational topics to me, but our little hunter Gary will always have a soft spot in my heart no matter how deranged he seems.
After the fifth “Gary forgot” that the poor guy muttered, I distracted Daisy by mentioning the display he regularly decorated to brag on him a bit. Deranged or not, the guy has definitely got some talent. Errr…uh, in the decorating department, not the carving one.
I ended the tour with some of the new additions to Charlie’s: the Witch’s Brew Cafe, the magical vending machine, the housewares department, and the extension of the parking lot. She had a few questions as to why there was a wizard living in the parking lot in a small tent, and I had no answers. I had even fewer answers when his pet duck waddled out from the tent, lit up a charcoal grill, and began grilling frogs. The wizard gave us a wave, his wispy beard blowing in the wind as he stood there in just a pair of white boxers polka-dotted with red hearts and a matching wizard hat. We waved back before making our way back inside.
Pretty much the only time Daisy showed any bit of emotion during our tour was when Sheryl decided to join us. Well, really, she kind of showed some when the poltergeist showed up in housewares…I’ll get to it later. Don’t nag me! But, by the end of the tour, Sheryl was absolutely bawling her eyes out and shouting, “Where has the time gone?” Daisy attempted to console her and give her a reassuring pat on the back.
“There, there,” said Daisy awkwardly. The whole interaction came off as more robotic than anything, so I was shocked when it actually calmed Sheryl down. But…then again, Sheryl is dating a cyborg.
“So, you’ve obviously met Sheryl and Gary. You’ve met me, Lacie, and the coffee shop folks. Have you met Gabe?”
She shook her head. “Who’s Gabe?”
Unbeknownst to her, a suddenly summoned Gabe appeared behind her. “Boo,” he said, causing her to drop her clipboard. She glared at him as it clattered to the floor. “Oops.”
I laughed at them and received my own glare from Daisy. I rubbed the back of my head nervously. “Sorry, he’s become a bit of a trickster since his death.”
Just as quickly as he had shown up, Gabe disappeared again, and that seemed to conclude the tour. Daisy went off to “monitor and assist everyone’s duties,” as she put it, and I went back to my previous task.
Now, where was I? Oh, clown statues. Let me count again. 1,2,3…12. That’s what it was last time, right?

10:36 a.m.
“Here’s yours, Jared,” announced Danielle as she placed my caramel frappuccino on the counter. “Lacie’s is almost ready.”
“Thanks,” I said. I grabbed it and took a sip, enjoying the icy treat. Within 30 seconds, nearly a quarter of it was gone, and I could already hear Lacie nagging me about coming to buy a second coffee later. I may have adopted a coffee addiction thanks to our new cafe.
Unironically, the Witch’s Brew was a magical place. I absolutely loved the atmosphere with its high ceilings, dim lights, and gothic charm. The only colors involved in the decor were Halloween shades: orange, purple, and green. Oh, and black, of course.
Sheryl bounded up to the register giddily as I slurped on my drink. “I’m so glad you guys are finally open! It feels like I’ve been waiting forever!”
Drucilla the cashier gave her a puzzled look. “Honey, we’ve been opened since the store opened.”
Sheryl gave her a puzzled look back. “Every time I tried to come in, the door was always locked.”
Drucilla, Danielle, and Blount, the other barista, began debating whether or not Sheryl had been hexed. As I turned around to look at their door which was currently held open with a door stopper, an idea dawned on me.
“Sheryl,” I said, interjecting into their conversation. “When you came to see if they were open, did you push or pull on the door handle?”
She tilted her head to the side and placed a finger on her lips as if lost in deep thought. “Pull,” she finally said.
The sign on the door read “Push.” A chorus of “Ahh”’s filled the room as the explanation came together in everyone’s heads. Sheryl stayed oblivious. Actually, the room’s response made her even more confused.
“Oh, honey,” said Drucilla, her voice full of pity. “What can we get for you?”
“It’s on the house,” said Danielle, her voice also dripping with pity.
Blount handed me Lacie’s drink as Sheryl ordered some complicated coffee recipe with nearly 20 ingredients that she had found somewhere online. The witches all looked disgusted, but it sounded kinda good to me. As I was about to make my way out the door, Lacie text me that she had enough time to meet me at the cafe to enjoy our coffee together. I talked to the witches and Sheryl while I waited on her.
“Here you go, darling,” said Danielle as she handed Sheryl her coffee. As she was turning around to pass it over, I saw her pointer finger swirling above the beverage as it softly spun around its cup. She knew I had seen what she had done, so she gave me a wink as Sheryl took a sip. She mumbled something about giving Sheryl “a little pep in her step.”
Apparently, the first sip was so good that Sheryl felt the need to take a few gulps. Had I known what she was going to do, I would have highly advised her not to order a drink from the list of hot coffees, but there’s a high probability she wouldn’t have listened to me anyways. I could tell the witches felt the same by the concerned look they gave her. After demolishing nearly half the coffee, Sheryl’s body spasmed and jerked, making her stand up straight as a board as she yelled, “The square root of pi is 1.77245—”
Danielle’s face completely blanked as if her brain was rebooting before cringing at what she had done. “May have added a little too much pep,” she said as Sheryl continued rattling off numbers.
–
11:02 a.m.
“Hey, Jared, can you tell Gabe to come to the office?” asked Daisy. “I’ve called him 3 times over the radio, and he hasn’t come.”
I had failed to mention to her that Gabe didn’t use a radio because they fall through his body if he loses focus. It just so happened that he was walking by me as Daisy finished asking her a favor. He was pulling a rather large pallet of merchandise behind him, and I told Daisy I would let him know before shouting his name.
His head snapped toward the direction of my voice, causing him to lose focus on his current task. However, the pallet had not gotten the memo that he was stopping, and panic filled me at the possibility of him getting hurt. “Oh, crap, wait!” I yelled, motioning for him to get away. I winced as the pallet drew closer and closer, and he still wasn’t moving. He was also giving me a rather strange look, but I just kept yelling for him to move.
And then the pallet simply went through him, and my body slacked. “Oh,” I said as he approached me, laughing at my freak-out.
“Did you forget I’m dead?” he asked with a smirk.
I rolled my eyes before relaying Daisy’s message, and he wandered off to see what she needed. As I busied myself with checking if my register’s drawer had enough change, I wondered how he decided whether to simply teleport or to walk normally to places. Personally, I would teleport everywhere if given the opportunity.
“Fefe!”
Sheryl’s screech made me launch a roll of quarters in my hand across the registers, accidentally landing some hits on a big burly sasquatch. I gulped as the monster lumbered over to me. His hot, stinking breath heated up my cheeks as anger bubbled in his eyes. As he released a roar so strong it blew the hair out of my face, I snatched up a stapler beside me and aimed at his large furry face, ready yet fully expecting to die. He raised a meaty fist, but before his first attack could be landed, our battle was sidetracked as Sheryl screamed once more. This time, however, it was followed by a cat’s hiss.
A black blur clambered onto my conveyor belt as an out-of-breath Sheryl nearly collided with it. She leaped for the small black void, and it hissed again. A thick chrome collar looped its small neck with a flashing purple light dangling from it.
“Enough, mother!” ordered the kitten. With enough feistiness to ignite a fire, the fluffy creature turned to the behemoth before me and hissed. Without hesitation, the sasquatch raced out of the front doors before the kitten’s fur could even rise to its full extent. He even forgot his groceries, but I had no plans of running them out to him.
The cat rolled her eyes before settling into a relaxed loaf mode in front of me. “Yes?” I asked her.
“We’re out of my brand of cat food.”
“The truck is going to be here a little after lunch,” I responded.
If she had eyebrows, I swear they would have creased at my response. “How does that help me during lunch?”
“Well, considering it will be your—” I paused dramatically to look at my non-existent wristwatch, “---third meal of the day already, I think you will be fine.”
The kitten’s eyes became slits as they stayed glued to me. Every hair on its body raised as it slowly stood up. Her claws came out, gouging deep holes into the counter below her. My eyes drifted over to Sheryl to figure out what was going on, but I got no reassurance. She looked ready to piss herself, honestly, especially when the cat burst into flames. I jumped back and immediately reached for my eyebrows, fearful they had been singed off. Turns out she had more than enough feistiness.
With a shriek of rage, she jumped up onto her back legs and launched a ball of fire toward aisle 7. A fully enflamed Chip escaped the aisle and zoomed over to our cooler housing the bags of ice for sale. He didn’t even bother opening its door and just jumped straight through, creating a gaping hole in the thick metal. Luckily, the ice’s cool embrace succeeded in putting out the fire, and wisps of steamy relief floated upwards. Chip gave Sheryl and me a thumbs-up from his safe space, and a piece of his melted rubbery cyborg skin fell off.
The cat released something between a hiss and a growl before hopping off of my conveyor belt. Every step she took burned the floor, leaving a trail of blackened paw prints in her wake. Although tiny, her heat made her seem bigger, and I could already feel a trail of sweat trickling down my back. The sprinkler system turned on, but it did practically nothing to her blaze.
Sheryl rushed over to Chip in the cooler to make sure he was okay while I ran to the service desk. “Attention all shoppers, if you can do so safely, calmly make your way to the exit and avoid the flaming cat. I repeat, all customers please calmly make your way to the exit and avoid the flaming cat.”
Fefe walked in the direction of aisle 4 where a man decked out in some strange outfit was exiting, and he began shouting belligerent words at her. She began screaming back at him, but I couldn’t hear them over the customer's screams as they fled to the exit, practically trampling each other. “Literally nothing about that was calm, but okay,” I said into the microphone.
I began walking in the direction of the cat and the man slowly just to get a better look. His body was mostly covered in silver from what I could see. After a few steps, Gabe materialized beside me to join me. We walked in silence a couple more steps until he asked, “Is that Sheryl’s baking pan on his chest?”
We both stopped, and I squinted in confusion. “Yeah. Yeah, I think it is.”
We entered a moment of silence before finally locking eyes. “Gary,” we both said before continuing and also speeding up our walk toward them.
When we got close enough to them to hear their conversation, Gary was gesturing wildly with his hands. I could now see all of the pots, pans, and utensils he had melded together to create an armor. This was one of his unemployment projects from back when he went through his Transformers craze. While it was nowhere near the level of car parts, it was still pretty impressive.
“Fefe no burn down store, no burn loved ones, no burn customers!” yelled Gary.
Fefe let out a furious roar that sent a spurt of flames at Gary. Gabe and I let out screams of grief and terror at seeing our friend get possibly roasted alive. It felt like both one second and also an eternity that the flames were upon him. Either way, I fully expected him to be dead. Yet, when Fefe closed her mouth, Gary still stood there, looking much angrier than before. Our screams quickly died in our throats, getting cut off so suddenly that I choked and began coughing.
Gary let out a roar of his own before grabbing a chunk of metal off of his back that was once a cookie sheet. He bended the materials as if they were clay, shaping it into a makeshift mouthpiece. As soon as she pieced together what he was doing, they began a game of cat and mouse through the aisles where Fefe ironically wasn’t the cat. Fefe would randomly throw fireballs to divert Gary, but he would take them like a champ and keep rolling. Gabe and I watched, fascinated with the fight. At one point, Gabe vanished and reappeared a moment later with two bags of freshly popped popcorn for us.
It was easy to see how frustrated Gary was becoming, and we felt bad that we couldn’t help. We still didn’t even understand how Gary was so unphased but her fire, though. And so the chase continued, that is until Sheryl appeared with a now bandaged Chip hobbling beside her. (Ignore the fact that he’s a cyborg and doesn’t need bandages because that’s clearly what Sheryl did.) She let out a screeching “Fefe” at the top of her lungs, and the kitten stopped in her tracks. Gary was about to quickly grab her by the scruff of her neck while she was distracted. She yelped before beginning to whine. “But, Uncle Gary, I just wanted lunch!” She struggled against him covering her mouth, eventually melting the piece of metal until it was useless anyway.
Gary groaned like a father using his last bit of patience. “Fefe going to timeout!”
Her flames blazed once more just to the left of me, barely missing by inches, which was entirely too close in my opinion. I made a mental note to check to see if I still had eyebrows later. She actually did hit Gabe, causing him to scream as he too forgot his ghostly qualities. He blushed bright red with embarrassment afterwards. Fefe’s roars continued Godzilla-style, taking down a shelf of bread, two self checkout stations, and a snowman customer that had been lingering in the store. “You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!” the melted man’s mouth-coals blubbered before floating separately away through the sprinkler’s puddles. Gary carried her through the store as her tantrum continued, bringing her to the safety of the parking lot.
By the way, did I mention that this is Charlie’s new pet? This is actually the third incident we’ve had like this this week. You’d think we’d have a process or plan for when she does this, but that’s still a work in progress. Rage therapy is definitely on the list, though.
“I’ll let the wizard know we need a reset spell done,” said Gabe before vanishing.
Sheryl was able to completely calm Fefe by running to a store down the road to buy her specialty cat food, so all ended up being well. I made another mental note after this encounter to keep an extra stock of that brand to avoid Fefe’s hangry rath in the future. Oh, and Danielle later explained to me that she put a protection spell on Gary’s makeshift armor, but that she had never told him that she did. That’s how Gary was unaffected by Fefe’s fiery flames. However, if you asked Gary, he would tell you with full seriousness the Transformer gods gave his armor magical abilities.
Did you know there’s a secret underground religion for Transformers? Learn something new every day.

Charlie’s Group Chat - 12:03 p.m.
Lacie: do we sell dentures? Jared: No. Why? Lacie: zombie customer with no teeth J: Why would you even let that sale happen? Sheryl: The customer is always right! Lacie liked Sheryl’s Message S: Tomorrow is Chip’s Bday! L: cyborgs can have birthdays? Chip: It is my manufacture date. Don’t you guys have one? J: Yeah, I got Lacie from the lab last April. L: my birthday is in October. J: That’s what you’re programmed to think. Acid Dude: What am I programmed to think? J: At this point, I’m pretty sure you’re programmed to have no thoughts. S: That’s so cool! Can I do that? C: I will research how to remove your motherboard. AD: I’ll let you borrow mine! Jared added Daisy to the chat. Daisy: Good afternoon. Sheryl: Hasta leugo! 🙂

12:27 p.m.
Do you know what really sucks? When you really, really just want the day to go right, but life says screw you and throws one curve ball after another. My limit had not only been reached but massacred. I felt like I had received a curveball to the face my head was pounding so hard. I have to rant for a moment, so, if you don’t want to read me whining, skip to after the bullet points.
Here’s what crap I’ve had to deal with so far today, not including the new ownership being thrown at us:
Chip got into an argument with one of the card readers, and it chose to go offline until he apologized. He refused, and it’s still offline. Gary dragged a centaur carcass through the store and traumatized several customers. Sheryl nearly drove her new Lamborghini through the front windows. She tried to gaslight me into believing there was a road through the front window and Charlie’s was just in the way. Danielle decided to prank everyone by spelling the whole store to only speak pig latin. Thankfully it wasn’t long before she reversed the spell because she was the only one who found it funny. We have yet to convince Acid Dude that it was just a spell and not some miracle language he created and then completely forgot 20 minutes later.
So, even as I sat at the break room table and tried to enjoy my free pizza, I still felt like a curveball might smash through the break room door and knock me out for one final blow. And it was only just lunchtime.
Oh, let me explain the free pizza thing. Since it was our first day with Daisy, Ursula told her we could close the store for an hour to all have lunch together. She ordered us a couple of pizzas and told us to pick out some chips and drink. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying it, at least.
“Why are you so pale?” Acid Dude asked Daisy.
“I’m dead,” she explained. “Well, undead, really.”
“Cotards?” asked Acid Dude.
“No, I’m a vampire.”. She opened her mouth a bit to flash her fangs.
Acid Dude scrunched up his face in disgust. “Homie, you need to go to the dentist.”
So far I’ve only seen Daisy show two emotions while here: “Oh, you poor thing,” and “Are you really that stupid?” That second one kind of mimicked curiosity, but it most definitely wasn’t. I’ll let you guess which one she was giving Acid Dude right now.
When the lunch party had reached my third slice of pizza o’clock, Lacie and Gabe started bickering. I’m not even sure what started it because I had been so zoned out, but it felt like this weird dark cloud came over them. It felt like it came out of nowhere. One minute I was staring at a lopsided ceiling tile and trying to determine if I saw a clown staring at me through its gap, and the next they were shouting.
“How did someone like you even get a job here?” yelled Gabe. “Did you flirt your way into the position?” Well, that escalated incredibly quickly folks. Here comes Daisy’s fake curiosity look. Honestly, I couldn’t blame her.
“Will you quit insinuating I got this job because of my looks?” To be fair, Lacie was gorgeous, but she was also very good at her job.
“Well, it definitely wasn’t because of skill.”
“I had enough skill to befriend your murderer,” she snapped.
“Just because you’re a freak that likes freaky things doesn’t mean you belong here any more than I do! I mean, I belong here so much that my spirit came here after death!”
“Just because your spirit is trapped here doesn’t mean you belong. From what I heard, you were being marketed as Gary’s daily special while I was being trained!”
I was on the verge of telling them to cut it out before I lost my mind, but—
“Oh, yeah? Well, at least I didn’t have to use a love spell to make everyone, including a wendigo, like me at this job! But then you fucked up and made Jared fall in love with you, didn’t you?”
Wait, what?
Lacie didn’t respond. Instead, her eyes began to well up with tears as they darted back and forth between Gabe and me. As soon as the words left his mouth, I could see the dark cloud affecting him lift and recognition enter his eyes. That still didn’t take away the hurt of what he had said.
“Wh-what?” I said out loud to her.
Her face flushed with worry and shame. “I–I can explain.”
“No,” I said, standing up from my chair so fast that it fell backward. I almost fell with it, but I regained my balance and once more said, “No.”
My brain felt like it was exploding. Had my love for her—our love for each other all been a manipulation tactic for a freaking grocery store job?
Everyone had quieted at this point, except for Sheryl who had been oblivious to the argument and who kept singing “I Will Always Love You” to Chip Jr. Chip quickly covered her mouth. Daisy once again had a look of pity on her face, but I ignored it while I made my departure. I made sure to grab a box of pizza on my way out, though, and I ignored Lacie’s final attempt to stop me.
Today could most definitely go fuck itself.

2:42 p.m.
We did inventory last week, and I screwed up by accidentally ordering twice the number of crackers we needed. I had them marked down to half price, which Mr. Ducksworth had noticed. A paddling of ducks marching into the store was something I had never expected to see, but I’m glad I got to experience it. I have to admit they were rather adorable in their determination to wipe out our supply of crackers, and Mr. Ducksworth was even more adorable as he guided their mission. (Don’t tell him I said that. I don’t want to be slapped again.)
The cause and effect of that is I am now restocking the crackers. Normally the overnight stocking crew does this, but the duck army bought literally every box. Even now, I could see them eyeing me as I stocked the shelves, munching on their crackers greedily. I had to block the aisle off with shopping carts, so they knew waddling onto this aisle was off-limits.
As I placed one of the slender boxes of crackers on the shelf, every single box of crackers I had placed behind it toppled like dominoes. I groaned before placing their shipping box on the shelf beside them to free my hands. As I straightened the crackers, the cardboard box flew off the shelf as if thrown. I rolled my eyes, already over today and lacking the patience to deal with the shelve’s antics. “I was going to throw the box away,” I told them. “I just had to fix these boxes first.”
A box of graham crackers slid to the front of the shelf, and I watched as the box’s logo morphed into the words, “It wasn’t us.”
A grin spread across my face as the feat left me amazed. “Why have you never told me you could do that?” I asked them. “That’s pretty cool.”
The bear on the box shrugged before its cheeks blushed, smiling smugly and waving its paw as if to say, “Oh shucks, that old trick?”
I jumped as all of the boxes on the shelf behind me were flung out so hard that some of them hit my back. The shelves in front of me responded by morphing all of their item's logos from the beginning of the aisle to the end into one long string of “Heeeeeeey.” Then it threw some items back, which I ducked to avoid. To my shock, they did not hit the shelves on the other side. Instead, it hit some type of force field in front of the shelves and clattered to the ground. I watched one single box float into the air before being thrown at me too. It whacked me in the face, causing me to yell out more in shock than pain.
The logos changed once more to read, “leave Jared aloneeeeeeee” all the way down the aisle.
“I’m not in this,” I announced while raising my hands above my head. I made my way out of the aisles, calling out “Clean up your mess when you’re done,” over my shoulder.
Later on, when I saw Gabe, I asked him if we had a poltergeist in the building.
“Oh, yeah,” he confirmed. “Sheryl spent an hour this morning playing catch with it.”
“Is that all it wants?”
He nodded, and I nodded back in understanding. “And the shelves don’t want to play catch with it,” I said mostly to myself because Gabe had already walked off.
I realized that intervention had to happen when the altercations began to involve customers. I saw a man angrily speed-balling cans into the shelves surrounding him, and I immediately stepped in to help. After apologizing to him and offering a 50% discount that might make Ursula hate me, I turned to the shelves.
“Look, guys, this has got to stop. Putting me through it is one thing because I know I’m this store’s guinea pig, but dragging customers into it is where I draw the line. It’s extremely bad for business.”
I crossed my arms and waited for a response, but none came. After a couple of minutes of waiting for one, I sighed and began tapping my foot as my aggravation and impatience grew. Maybe five seconds later is when I saw the cans to my right begin to tumble off their shelves. Soon, hands appeared, their formation resembling someone swimming forward while underwater.
“What the…” I began as I saw the owner of the hands shimmying through the space it had cleared out. Stringy tendrils of hair trickled out over the shelf edge, falling downwards until they almost touched the floor. The crown of a head peeked out over the edge, making me step back a bit. Recognition began to creep into my bones, but I couldn’t tell why until I heard a familiar popping of the being’s neck. I debated running away, but the head snapped upwards before I could respond. A foul and rotten face locked eyes with me, giving me a horrific grin.
“Deborah!” I yelled while falling back on my butt. Before I had even landed on the floor, however, she was gone. I looked all around me rapidly, dread overwhelming to the point that I felt bile rising up in my throat. Deborah’s disembodied laughter began to fill my ears, and I felt like I was about to pass out.
Until a note floated downwards and landed in my lap. I picked it up and read the scrawling handwriting. It almost resembled a child’s writing, even written with crayon, and it was something I had most definitely never seen before. “Gotcha!” it read.
I groaned. “That wasn’t funny!”
Another note floated downwards and landed in my lap again. “Yes, it was.”
I heard a clinking above me and looked up to find a stack of cans with their logos just changed. “It kind of was,” they read.
I rolled my eyes. “At least you guys are getting along, I guess.”

7:13 p.m.
Knock…knock…knock
I sighed in annoyance. “Go away.”
“Can I come inside?” spoke up the child’s voice on the other side of the locked glass doors. His eerily monotone voice had become a rather aggravating occurrence to me.
“No. Go away,” I said more forcefully.
“Ooooh! Barty is here!” Sheryl crooned from behind me. “Hi, Barty Boy!”
“My name is Bartholemew,” said the boy, sounding slightly annoyed before switching back to his bland cadence. “Can you let me inside, Sheryl?”
“No, I’m sorry, Barty,” responded Sheryl, her voice dripping with disappointment. “Jared says I’ll die if I do.”
“I’m not going to hurt you,” said the strange child. “It’s cold out here, and I would like to call my mother.”
“He doesn’t have a mother because he’s not actually a child,” I explained. “We’ve been over this, Sheryl.”
“Yeah, but he’s just so darn cute!” she responded. “And clearly he needs new clothes! I mean, those were popular in like…colonial days!”
I finally looked up from my register to take a closer look at Barty. He was also looking down at his outfit as if he hadn’t realized his fashion sense was centuries behind. When he looked back up, his jet-black eyes locked onto mine. The sickly sweet smell of death was already getting unbearable, and that was with him on the other side of the door still. His eyes resembled black pits of despair. They beckoned you closer and closer, and if you got too close, they would swallow you up. They began unearthing my deepest fears: Lacie never loving me, the store firing me, dying alone. Just before the feelings consumed me entirely, before I was convinced that the only answer to my salvation was to let him inside, I managed to look away. “Go away, Barty,” I ordered once more.
His porcelain face glared at me. “My name is Bartholemew, and I need to come inside.”
Sheryl looked toward me in hopefulness. When I didn’t respond, she began to shimmy closer to the door as if I wouldn’t notice.
“Sheryl, he’s dangerous——“
“——Barty wouldn’t hurt a fly!”
I watched as she ignored me and stepped just before the door. Barty’s coal-like eyes stared up at hers, and she quickly let out a cry like she was in pain. She leaped backward, falling onto her butt, yet only a second later she was up on her feet and running as far away from the front doors as she could.
I turned towards the rapid footsteps coming from the direction of the office to see a frazzled Lacie throwing her hair up into a quick messy bun as if ready to fight any intruder we had. “What’s going on?”
I avoided eye contact with her while responding. “Barty is here, and Sheryl got too close.”
It was hard not to look at her after being in love with her for so long. I noticed her looking for the chain around my neck, double-checking that I was still wearing the protection pendant she made me. “Did it work?”
Our eyes connected, and I looked away while shrugging. “I didn’t want to take the chance of not wearing it knowing what this store throws at you.” It did not prevent heartbreak, I’ll tell you that much.
“Can I use your telegraph?” spoke up Barty.
“Wrong century, demon,” snapped Lacie. She crossed her arms and locked eyes with him. “And I told you not to come back.”
Barty and Lacie bickered back and forth for a few more minutes before the being suddenly disappeared, angry that his wish had once again not been fulfilled. Lacie looked away for a split second to catch something the poltergeist threw at her, and then he was gone. Barty is part of the reason why Sheryl will never get her own keys to the store. We’ve even let Gary have his own set, but we just can’t trust Sheryl not to open it to any number of creatures we have to deal with on a daily basis. Barty seemed unaffected by Lacie’s protection and diversion spells, and we all know how successful her spells are based off of the last entry.

I really need to shut up talking about it, but its all I can focus on. I think I just need some time to think, so I’ll talk to you guys later.

9:54 p.m.
Ayo, yo, whaddup, guys? It’s Gabe here. Jared said I could type up the conclusion. You guys have no idea how hard it is to type when you don’t have a physical form. Finding the right amount of pressure to press the keys and not completely demolish this keyboard is tedious. The pain is all worth it for you guys, though. You’re always there for us, so I want to be there for you.
Just look behind you.
I’m just kidding. If I really wanted to visit you, you’d have no idea about it.
There’s been a strange vibe around the store today, and I’m not sure why. Everyone just seems…off. Even me. It took me 20 minutes to check a customer’s single item out earlier because I couldn’t remember how to open a plastic shopping bag. We’ve all been stressed, and there’s just this feeling of darkness over us.
I hope things improve, and I hope you guys keep coming along for the ride!
Peace out!

It seems that there is an increased probability of Kyrie Irving leaving the Mavericks this off-season.
I still believe that if they offer him the max, he will stay with the Mavericks no matter what happens next. Even if they miss the playoffs.
The Mavericks put themselves in a symbiotic relationship with Kyrie Irving.
But what are some other possible destinations for Kyrie Irving realistically?
It seems like both LA teams are happy with their new point guards in D’Lo and Westbrook and it seems plausible that both will be signed to long-term contracts in LA.
Kyrie is not welcome in Brooklyn, Boston or Cleveland. So let’s get these teams out of the way.
There are a lot of bottom teams who will have max space space this summer: Spurs, Hornets, Rockets and Pistons.
It’s hard to see any mutual interest between these teams and Kyrie.
Then there are some middle of the pack teams with potential cap-space or capable of sign and trade this summer: Magic, Pacers, Thunder, Raptors, Wizards and Jazz.
I feel like Jazz, Magic and Thunder are on a different trajectory and they won’t make any win-now additions to their roster that will limit their flexibility for the next 4-5 years.
Pacers have their point guard of the future in Halliburton.
The only teams from this list who could possible throw a bag at Kyrie are the Raptors and Wizards.
Raptors seem to be moving on from FVV and they might look to get a star point guard to replace him if they don’t blow their team up. But it seems very likely that they will rebuild this summer and Kyrie is not the best choice as a tank commander.
Wizards do whatever moves all the time, so I can’t ignore them in a hunt for a player like Kyrie Irving. The core of Beal, Kuzma, Porzingis and Kyrie is a play-in contender for sure and I’m sure the Wizards FO understands it.
But would Kyrie be interested in the Wizards? Unlikely.
Now on to more sign-and-trade scenarios:
The Warriors, Grizzlies, Nuggets, Kings, Bucks, Sixers, Knicks, Blazers, Wolves, Pelicans and Hawks all have their starting point-guards that they trust. So it’s unlikely they would need Kyrie.
Who do we have left?
Here are the top 3 Kyrie Irving destinations aside from the Mavericks:

1. Miami Heat - they need a third star next to Jimmy and Bam who can shoot and play point guard.
   
2. Phoenix Suns - they need to off-load CP3 fast, because he is aging in real time, but they still need a star point-guard and KD is still friends with Kyrie, right?
   
3. Chicago Bulls - it’s unclear if Lonzo Ball will play basketball ever again and Kyrie fits all their needs next to the mid three.