Bever family surviving sisters

But I don’t have any other choice but to take this leap of faith each day. My parents were neglectful and sheltered me horribly. The kind of cult weirdo sheltering behavior that makes peoples jaws drop when I tell them the story. So, they did not prepare my siblings and I for adulthood in the slightest. I’m 24 but have the life experience of a kid. My driving skills as a result are also very poor. They did everything they could to cripple me emotionally and financially but I finally got away! Finally.
I recently left. Packed my shit and ran. Would be homeless if not living with my step sister right now. But she’s very busy with work and not my mom. She can’t help me other than provide a roof. So for me that means “fake it ‘till you make it” This city is so different from my small town. My only driving experience thus far was 3 minutes down the road to my old workplace. That’s it.
Now for the very first time, I’m merging onto 70mph freeways by myself in rush hour. Driving in the dark. Driving hours back to the family home to pick up more of my stuff. But I keep missing exits, taking wrong turns, I almost ran a red light, I keep getting honked at. At night, I can’t see shit. I keep missing vital turns, then Google maps mocking me “proceed to the route” dude I can’t see it! My eyes are bad, I can’t tell what signs say until it’s too late. But I can’t afford to see an eye doctor.
I’m stressed as hell. It’s only a matter of time before I freaking kill myself because no one taught me what to do at a roundabout or how to merge across multiple lanes going 70+ miles per hour. I can’t freaking see at night and my cars lights are dim as hell. I can’t afford a better car or to fix the messed up lights. I can’t afford lessons. I barely have enough money at the moment. At least I can be proud that I somehow have made it out of Columbus OH during peak rush hour 3 times now in one piece. We are notorious for jacked up roads and deadly rush hour. I make it very late to my destination, but alive.
Holy crap, I’ve done it so far. But it’s beyond exhausting learning the ins and outs of driving in real time. I know, it’s stupid, but all I’ve got left is stupid. Buses won’t take me far and they’re NOT safe here either... not about to get groped again.

I don't go visit next door with my GPs, and aunt. Mom goes to visit every time her sister is off work, to talk and drink beer. They never call me by my legal name so I find it really difficult for me to respect them or even be in their presence. Today I ignored it all and let my dog go over and let her drain energy. I never let her go because aunt has two dogs who are aggressive for no reason.
I didn't talk throughout my time there, I sat at a table a few feet away, while listening to their conversation about the Tennessee shooting. I honestly don't know what the shooter identifies as. But I knew they wouldn't respect that, so I went along and said that it's literally not that difficult to just say the pronouns they prefer. I told them straight up that they are not melting because they went against their morals, that they are too stuck up to respect it. I made that clear. Mom went along with it trying to calm me down, which I wasn't heated, I just started facts in a straightforward way.
Then mom forgets all about it and continues exactly where they left off. A couple minutes later, after listening to GPs complain how "LGBT criers" need to go to an asylum and get checked, or that they are being obnoxious to get the attention their parents don't give them, They went on to complain about two gay men in commercials, black people who don't need to be publicized. As someone who is trying to be better, and stop being persuaded into their opinions + beliefs, I felt so pissed off.
I told mom, making sure it was made known that I am not agreeing with this, and I said "you all are so fucking conservative, this is the reason the south is rightfully hated" I hate my culture, so that played a part into that angry comment. My bad.
Mom immediately says that it isn't being conservative, GPs mutter whatever to each other, and aunt is borderline crying saying that it's not about being conservative. I can't stand how they are so closeminded, yet are hard on making the family spend more time together, get closer to one another, etc etc.
I left a bit later, no longer than 5 minutes. GF tells me to add the feminine into my KoolAid. First time he'd ever been sarcastic and rude, so it was easier to not be upset about cutting him off. When mom came home, I was told I cannot go there anymore, unless I stop saying 'those things'.
I've had an off and on relationship with that side of the family, but now it seems it's quite permanently off. I don't feel upset, it's more of that reaction of a humorless laugh. That explains my reaction.
I just don't understand how family who have this type of mindset, both political and wanting to bring the family together, having the ability to easily say that my opinions have no value--not even worth talking about it, nor agreeing to disagree.
Is this a common thing? Especially in the South, of all places? What do I do from here?
Also, I ask that politics not be the main focus, I don't mean to cause fights in the comments, nor with me.

Hi everyone, this is the first chapter of my debut novel. For information and links to other chapters click the link down below :
Reddit - Dive into anything
The Great One sat on his throne, gazing longingly into the hearts of man. Something was coming and he could feel it. Destiny riding on a white steed, like the tales of man long ago, coming to uncover his secrets. He could see it all, the wall, the castle, and the so-called gods that built it all. The ego of these creatures was laughable, if only the Great One could still laugh. He could still speak sure, but only through means not of man’s common means. Vocal cords were a commodity long since lost in this place.
As the Great One observed the coming destiny he could feel the approaching storm, in a hail of flesh and blood, the only things that the Great One lacked. He would never give up, never retreat to these things as they approached, for this was the Great One. He looked back to the castle, viewing the scene in its entirety, and he felt something like happiness enter him.
Divinity. That is what connected the walls surrounding Dundis castle, not stone or metal, this was not a mere wall but a divine gift from ones above. Divinity sealed the wall, made it whole, the walls sealed together without mark or blemish, something no man could ever replicate. The wall had stood for a century, and would likely last ten more, there was no weakness, no flaw in design. 50 metres tall the wall was unscalable, unbreakable. No man could break the wall, it was the Vaunghe empire’s crowning gift, their wonder of the world. Those that were hired to clean the wall’s dirt and grime were heralded as the truly faithful, and all longed to help the gift of the gods. And yet despite this the Alizian’s watched, standing with armies around the great wall, waiting to breach its crust and destroy the core.
The Vaunghe had watched their foes throw everything they had, hundreds of men attacking the steel doors of the wall to no avail, an attempted archer attack quickly squashed by the wall's height. The Alizian military was strong, a blend of the Alizian warriors and Strolim blacksmiths made for a truly terrifying army. The army was so terrifying that the Vaunghe inside the castle doubted there were any more Vaunghe troops left, this was the end to a long battle between man and man. Even the soldiers left weren’t particularly important, just those lucky enough to guard the king and a few trainees. But the Vaunghe felt their luck running out.
The food supplies had run low, even if the nobles weren’t in the castle there was no chance of resupply. The few men who had eaten in the past few days stood alert, gazing down from the ramparts at the enemy. The soldiers knew they had to either surrender or fight, but the Vaunghe were passionate people, they could never leave behind their identity in favour of life. So the men waited, bows and arrows at the ready, for the next attack. Heavy items such as ingots and chairs lined the rampart, ready to be thrown off at a moments notice.
They had waited in this position for many cycles, and as day turned to night, and night turned to day the Vaunghe were exhausted, finished with whatever feeble attacks these barbarians had planned. They could throw whatever armies and arrows they wanted at the wall but it would remain unphased, forevermore. When the Alizian’s next attacked they would be met with the last strength of the Vaunghe, and it would be a story remembered for milenia by man and the gods.
As the morning sun rose over the wall, the enemy was revealed in all their glory. Even from so high above the Vaunghe could see the glint of silver from the Alizian military. The bright greens of the Alizian armour created a dazzling sensation that they were one with the grass, which blended in so perfectly with their clothes. They stood in their thousands, armed with whatever they could find, and even on the wall the men could see him.
The slaughterer, the murderer, the man, the myth and the legend Osmund stood alone on an overlooking hill. The fiend was well known by the Vaunghe, he was likely the greatest foe that had come from the opposing sides. Vaunghe generals often fled at his coming, or surrendered first, but rumour had it that Osmund gave no mercy. Overseeing his army to destroy everything that was left, the Vaunghe soldiers knew today really was the end. The figure on the hill moved closer to his army and screamed. The battle-cry of the Alizian’s shook fear into each of the Vaunghe atop the rampart, being so loud that it even reached so high.
The hundreds of troops began to move in sync, forming three individual groups of soldiers, with 10 metre spaces between each. Each contingent comprised six hundred men, easily dwarfing the 82 Vaunghe soldiers that were left. But the Vaunghe were not afraid, at least not afraid of a breach anytime soon. These walls were built to withstand any damage, no man could breakthrough one.
Between the troops was movement, indeed there seemed to be movement down all three rows of men in blue. The Strolime empire had finally revealed themselves, with their short stature and mental prowess the Strolime were gifted inventors not expected to appear on the battlefield. And yet here they were, almost one hundred of them hauling forth three large metallic objects. The sun bounced off of these objects into the Vaunghe’s eyes.
None of the men had ever seen objects like these, seemingly composed of pure metals and on wheels. Some thought they were a testament to the gods, some holy objects, others believed it to be some new invention from the Strolime, however none of them could say anything for certain as they were pushed closer and closer to the wall. The Strolomites stopped in their advance, approximately 20 metres away from the wall. The purpose of these objects had yet to dawn on the men, although one of the younger men on the rampart claimed he could see small objects poking through the metal, which was now aimed at a forty-five degree angle towards the wall.
As the Strolimites halted their advance many began to move away into the safety of the Alizian wall, likely afraid of any precautionary Vaunghe archers. One of them, a rather short and plump soldier, stayed with the object, placing a hand on it and turning to the wall. It was a fleeting moment, but for a second it seemed the man was gazing at the Vaunghe soldiers in shame. One last condemnation to the ones that began this war, before it would all come crashing down. But then the moment passed, and the short man moved as the rest did, doing a slight zig zag to avoid arrows.
And now, just as quickly they had come, the Strolomite’s were gone in the ranks of the Alizians, still waiting in their groups for something, and then they came. Three figures, two women and a man, moved between the lines just as the Strolimites before them. These three wore no armour, only the greens of Alizia upon their tunics. They stood beside the objects and began to reach their arms into the underside of it. Before the Vaunghe’s eyes the objects began to turn slightly, aiming even more directly at the wall.
One of the Vaunghe had enough of this display, and raised his bow. There were low winds on this day, and he was a good enough shot to reach at least one of the Alizian soldiers. He aimed his bow, finger on the drawstring, and released. It is likely that this arrow would’ve drawn first blood in this battle, however the arrow never reached its target.
In the split second before the release of the bow, the Vaunghe noticed the smoke billowing out of the bottom of the devices, the flames that shot out, and finally they noticed for not even a fraction of a second the object that shot out of the metallic thing, something white and red that hit the wall in an instant.
The wall shook, and the following barrage of these objects shattered any notion of divinity. Crashing and crumbling the rampart was launched, sending soldiers flying everywhere. The Vaunghe beside the wall were subject to the falling rubble, both the crumbling stone of the walls and the miscellaneous objects they had left upon the wall. All of the objects crushed the few Vaunghe left, save for the few sickly starving soldiers left inside the castle’s inner walls.
Down went the walls, such a harsh strike against the wall that nothing stood in the path of this monster. The roaring splattered through the castle, the screams of the falling wall waking the King himself from his slumber. Such a vast creation had fallen in seconds before the might of the Alizian’s, and now there was nothing left but to watch the battle unfold.
Smoke flooded the inner walls of the castle, casting the few remaining into fits of coughing and blindness. The walls finished their crumbling, and yet the roars didn’t stop. These were not the roars of the wall but the war cries of the soldiers outside, and they began to get louder, echoing through the walls of Dundis and into the ears of the weak nobles and soldiers.
Through the smoke they came, weapons raised and charging the weak. The few that tried to fight were slaughtered, cut down by a sea of green soldiers. Those that were choking, sputtering or raising their hands in defeat were spared, hauled through the hordes and into one of the stables facing the inner wall. They were to be tried and jailed, for no human regardless of their crime should be killed. It is simply not the Alizian way.
Out of the one hundred and fifty two people who were in Dundis, forty two had died in the wall’s destruction, and a further eleven were detained by the Alizian military. There was nothing that the Vaunghe could do, save for locking their doors, shield themselves and hold out for as long as possible. The Vaunghe forces built barricades in their castle, locking away the Alizian combatants for as long as possible. And during all of this Osmund waited. Waiting for his time to end this war, this travesty of battle that had gone on for too long, and that time finally came.
* * * *
Osmund stood alone atop the hill, and watched the madness unfold. The walls crumbled at the face of these weapons with no more effort than a straw house, and the plumes of smoke assaulted his men, although not to the extent of the inner wall. After a few moments of sputtering and choking the men cheered, for this was the moment that they had been waiting for, the end of such a long war now in the Alizian’s favour.
The Vaunghe capital was in shambles, their military long crushed underneath Osmund’s almighty power, and all that was left was the King. Hiding behind his walls as if he didn’t deserve this loss, this final failure in his life. Osmund was willing to spare as many people as he could, it was the Alizian code, but there would be no mercy for the King. This wasn’t one final battle between two great armies, that conflict happened weeks ago, this was the last breaths of a psychotic monarch being silenced amongst the last of his troops.
Osmund gazed longingly at Dundis, the ruined walls and advancing soldiers and doubted. He felt something was off, something was very wrong with all of this. His heart began to thump, as Osmund’s eyes turned every way to understand what was wrong, what abnormality was here. It grew and grew, Osmund began to shake at what was about to happen, nothing was right here Osmund should be somewhere else helping someone, there’s something wrong here something very-
Peace. Osmund’s heart stopped thumping, body stopping its perpetual shaking. He looked again to the marching troops, now almost entirely inside the walls, and looked back to his back, and the reserve Strolomites that now stood. They were cheering, marvelling at the success of the assault, and how the god’s gift had saved so much effort on their part.
Such strange creations composed of metal and flame, Osmund marvelled at the power the gods possessed. These devices were so unique in design Osmund doubted if any army could defeat them. The large red tubes they released could easily destroy an entire village by itself, but with one hundred of them an entire valley could be bathed in flames. Something truly abnormal in this world, something so parallel to the code of battle that no army would ever think of it.
The Vaunghe were once considered to be the greatest fighters, with the tournaments they created bringing forth the greatest warriors from throughout the land. Their dedication and power were unmatched in ferocity and violence, some called the Vaunghe the standing due to their unmatched will to always get back up. Osmund recalled his days in the tournaments, those peaceful days when he was not yet a hero to people, but a simple military man. He was still only Osmu back then, and yet even those of the time knew he would be something special. As Christoff used to say, ‘Ozzie you’re going places, big ones’. Osmund missed Christoff, It had been so long since their last meeting, and all Osmund wanted was to meet again one last time.
Osmund’s assistant came to him, a younger Strolomite by the name of Gizmu. Gizmu was rather muscular for a Strolomite, a strong figure contrasting his associates' plumper bodies, and stature was fairly tall for one of his people at 6’5 ft tall. Hazel hair protruded through a blue helmet, and for the first time Osmund considered what his assistant could look like. Gizmu was one of the many Strolomite’s who refused to show their face until military success, a tradition that Osmund respected. He had no doubt that Gizmu's true face would one day be revealed to him, as the man possessed genuine prowess in the fields of agriculture, something sorely missed in the modern military.
“Osmund, your team is preparing now, they’ll come soon. I advise you to prepare your armour sir, as it won’t be long before you’re sent in.” Osmund sensed mild concern in Gizmu’s voice, but didn’t pursue it.
“Thank you Gizmu, my friend. I’ll begin my preparations, tell the guests to meet me here when they are fully prepared. And do ensure they understand that there is still risk of injury on this mission, ensure each of them wears their armour.” Osmund’s voice was deep and echoed his long life, commanding a sense of authority amongst all Alizian forces.
Osmund left the hill, passing the cheering Strolomite’s and the peasant farmers who supported the army, and entered the rows of tents. They stretched out on either side, one for every four soldiers, until he reached his own tent. Entering Osmund was surprised to discover a fellow commander still asleep in his bed, snoring away peacefully.
Osmund removes his upper clothing, the clean tunic falling to the ground. While removing these clothes Osmund kicks the sleeping man in the leg, which doesn’t actually amount to anything rather than halting his snoring. Osmund kicks the sleeping soldier again, this time in the buttocks, which does a far better job of riling him. The man looks around wide-eyed, before settling onto the sight of the giant Osmund.
“Hey, why'd you kick me? I almost had a bleedin’ heart attack don’t you know not to meddle with a sleepin man?”
“Don’t you know that you were meant to be on the battlefield at the crack of dawn? I don’t know what kind of promotion you’re expecting when you aren’t even going on the battlefield. Do you really want to be Balmun forever?” Osmund spoke coldly, now reaching for his chestplate.
“Well no sir. But the thing is I actually have a very cunning plan, I thought of it all myself.” A smile falls upon the man’s face, whose head bears an uncanny resemblance to a potato.
“And what is that?” Osmund halted his preparations briefly.
“Well if I say I was there but didn't actually go, who’d think I wasn’t? I can just sleep through it all until the battle is won and no one would be the wiser.” Osmund puts a hand onto Balmun’s fleshy shoulder.
“A fine plan, if I wasn’t your commanding officer you buffoon. By the gods I believe some divine creator mistakenly put a turnip in your head instead of a brain because no noble’s son has ever been as frankly idiotic as you have. You’re coming with me to the battlefield, and I suggest you get dressed or you’ll be facing the last of the Vaunghe army with your flopping cock dancing for all to see.” Balmun stood and began to slip some clothes on, as Osmund completed his own set of armour.
Osmund’s armour bore the mark of a noble family, some rich fools who wanted their family crest to be associated with a bloody conflict and a dangerous murderer. Osmund wore it because of the armour’s quality, customfit to encompass Osmund’s 9’5 ft tall body, something no other armour was able to achieve. Osmund’s height was always an oddity, reaching far above the average 8ft heights of most Alizian’s, and making him one of the tallest figures in the lands. It was this height and his skin’s colour that earned him the name of the black death, which he wasn’t particularly fond of due to the mention of his skin. And even then Osmund certainly didn’t feel like a black death, whatever that was meant to be, rather he felt like death itself. Osmund was to be fifty years old by the end of the week, and it showed on his body. The hair that was left on his head was grey, and while still possessing an impressive form Osmund’s body was not in its prime, he was old.
Osmund looked at himself in the full body mirror, grabbing his longsword and leaving the tent, dragging a half dressed Balmun with him. Back through the tents they travelled, back past the now eager Strolomite’s and atop the hill where Osmund’s infiltration team stood. In any other battle Osmund would’ve despised the one that left this group with him, a collection of subpar and mediocre soldiers with all the military future of an Otter in a stew. But then again Osmund’s battle history did feature a lot of important people dying under his watch, so perhaps this was for the better.
The force began with Edmun, a cross between a prostitute and a noble who unfortunately takes more from the noble. An egotistical brat, as well as a greedy goblin of anything that isn’t bolted down, Osmund had borne the unfortunate duty of his company for months, since the initial assault on the capitol. The man could barely hold a weapon, save for slight skill with a flail of all things which he wore by his side. It was a gold plated flail as well, specifically made for beating in the heads of the poor Vaunghe soldiers stupid enough to get close. Blonde hair obscured blue eyes that spoke to his red-light mother, in fact for a noble’s son Edmun had all the appearance of an incestuous dullard. The man had survived by pure luck, and was the only casualty that Osmund wanted his side to suffer.
The Enick twins Humun and Eumun were up next, named after their family crest of the god of alcohol Enick. In contrast to Edmun these were a pair of real soldiers, Osmund had seen the fruits of their labour many times. They were great at the art of flanking, Humon’s greataxe paired alongside Eumun’s spears proved to be an unbeatable combination. The only issue that Osmund had with the pair was their… peculiar relationship. While the two were great fighters, whenever they were together anything else became impossible to comprehend. Osmund had once caught the pair attempting to seduce a goat wearing a knight’s helm, and while they were drunk there is still clear evidence of idiocy amongst them. The pair were identical in appearance, burly figures of 8’5ft, short cut black hair and overgrown beards stretching down their faces, however the distinguishing feature between the two was Eumon’s cleft lip, which gave his speech a lisp.
Josmu was far more a scholar than a soldier, although Osmund enjoyed his presence greatly. Since they first met the pair had hit it off, often discussing each other’s lives in Alizian taverns across the kingdom. A gifted archer, Josmu was the son of two aspiring poets and enlisted into the military voluntarily to assist in the war efforts. Osmund had a great deal of respect for the man, and hoped that the two would one day have a drink together, and ruminate on the past once more.
And then there was Jumun, a gifted soldier and one of the few Osmund thought could take him in his prime. Long strands of red hair ran down her rough face, a pointed nose and peculiar eyebrow shape giving her a perpetual look of disappointment. At a height of 9’2 ft she stood almost toe to toe with Osmund, in fact there were many aspects about her that reminded Osmund of himself. The first was her attitude, she treated every war as a tragedy of its own, and yet she would never fail to perform against her enemies. Skilled in most weapons Jumun’s life had been long and arduous, her worn out armour covered in patches and dents. Osmund had offered her a new set of armour once, to which she vehemently refused, telling Osmund that she wished to end the war in the armour she started it in. Currently she held a single large sword nearly identical to his own, and Osmund predicted that she couldn’t wait for the battle to be over.
The group stood facing the smoking walls, watching the now descending Strolomite’s retrieve the three gifts from the gods. Pushing them back up the hill would take tremendous strength and a long time, which is why nearly double the number of Strolomite’s assisted in the endeavour. Osmund cleared his throat, prompting the looks of the team. All of their eyes were of Balmun, who was somehow already panting after a 2 minute drag through the ground. Osmund released the man and pushed him towards his new comrades, to which he sulked.
Osmund could see through the smoke of the ruins now, noting the strangely high number of bodies present from Osmund’s view. It appeared that there were more forces than originally estimated, as it was initially guessed there were around one hundred and fifty soldiers inside. Judging by the number of corpses inside those numbers clearly forgot to account for the possibility of trainees inside of the castle. This may be a slightly larger fight than initially predicted, although even supposing there were another hundred or so trainees locked inside rooms there were things Osmund could do against that.
“Alright then, good to see that some of you actually bothered to wake up today, Balmun, and I think we all know that this mission is going to end the war.” Balmun raised his hand.
“Yes Balmun?”
“Sir I have a very cunning pl-”
“Shove your plans up your slacker buttocks, you idiot. Now then, I’m gonna say this once, because quite frankly the more chances I give Balmun to interrupt the more likely I’ll butcher myself with this sword. Now then we are the backbone to the forces, our mission is to help take individual points of conflict from alternative points. We will accomplish this with the leaked maps of the castle gained from Vaunghe intelligence. Now then, originally it was believed that we were dealing with only around one hundred and fifty troops, but it looks like someone didn’t remember the number of rookie troops that are trained here, so we could be looking at a few more troops than expected.” Osmund saw the hand raised but tried to ignore it. The man with the potato for a head seemed adamant however, and raised his hand higher. When that didn’t work he raised both arms.
“By the gods what is it?”
“Well sir, what kind of weapons do you think they have?” Osmund stopped in his tracks, not expecting anything even related to an actual important question. A smile formed on his face, it seems that even fools can think every now and again.
“Decent question my friend, we can probably expect the basic mix of swords and axes, likely shields also, but we may have one or two archers running around however it’s unlikely any survived the wall’s collapse.”
“That is good Osmund, once we take a few down I need a weapon, I like the swords myself.”
“What’s wrong with your sword?”
“I left it in the tent sir.” Osmund cupped his hands into his face, cringing against the stupidity of this man.
“Listen…. just everyone follow me please, I mean by the gods man. Come on. Listen I don’t think we will need any armour with us today, we have the single thickest piece of meat just over there as we speak.” Osmund points towards Balmun, who turns to see what everyone is looking at. Without another word Osmund begins to walk down the hill towards the castle, muttering things that even the gods consider a little racy.
* * * *
The ruins of Dundis stood firm in their strength, with the ruined walls blemishing what was once a grand fortress that none had penetrated. Tall spires protrude from the shapeless stone complex. Along the gateway was a path leading directly into the Dundis entrance, which stood slightly ajar. Fragments of the wall had crushed many parts of the outside, with simple wooden stables and trees crushed by the weight of the plummet of the debris. The architecture that remained spoke to the complexities of the Vaunghe, as spiralling patterns adorned the walls of the castle, interlaced with rare jewels that coated the walls. The Vaunghe were so fortunate with minerals that one could find them coating their walls, despite the fact that no one other than a fellow Vaunghe was ever meant to see such a thing.
A veil of embarrassment and determination clashed as the group descended the hill, weapons at the ready. The group had reached the ruins of the wall now, debris coating the grass and the bodies that were surely there. Even destroyed Osmund still felt some of that divine power the Vaunghe always babbled about, he felt the strength in the walls and not for the first time wondered why the gods would bestow such a gift upon such a vile group.
The group began clambering through the ruins, over the cracked pieces of stone and through the divine walls final remains. There was a smell here, the remnants of smoke colliding with the smell of blood, but there was a third smell, one that Osmund knew well. It was the smell of inevitability, heavy in the hair. That which is unlikely to happen always will happen, and when it does the smell adds to it all, the smell of fate and destiny runs through this place.
Inevitability hides everywhere, in the trees and the skies, carried by the wind through it all. From nature it was born, but in man it thrives, the building’s will one day fall, the kingdoms will fade away, and everything will one day lead to something else. From every beginning comes an end, and each end becomes a beginning, this is how it has always been. This place thought itself against such things, and inevitability infected its walls, creeping along slowly rotting the once great walls into a hellish nightmare. Now the bubble has burst, and the smell of inevitability crowds the world, taking over everything.
Moaning. A low whimper. A cry for something. Calls for assistance. A terrified yell. Osmund approaches the source of these noises, his team close behind. At the source of these screams is a Vaunghe soldier, somehow alive after the rampart’s collapse, covered in piles of stone and smoke. His outstretched hand reaches towards Osmund, who in turn takes it.
The man mutters something, sputters blood, and begins to fade. As he does, Osmund moves towards the rocks, feeling against it. Somehow the rocks aren’t as heavy as they should be, and Osmund slowly moves the rocks. The first and second rocks move, and after some struggling Osmund moves the third rock, revealing a bloody leg, spurting forward. Osmund realises how the man survived, the remains of a metal box squashed around him. As the rampart fell the man landed inside, narrowly missing an immediate demise. Now he sat, bleeding in and out of consciousness, and moaning for help. Osmund put his hands around the man, slowly lifting him, and moving forwards into the inner walls.
There are running medics here, and as they see Osmund’s approach they run to him, taking the injured man and placing him onto a table. The man may survive, they told Osmund, however his bleeding may take too much from him. As Osmund turns to leave he hears the voice, the message of the man.
“T-t-th-than-” It was shaky, interrupted by coughs and convulsions, but bore strength, and Osmund felt the ghost of a smile play upon him.
“It wasn’t an issue.” And with that Osmund left the tent, admiring the surroundings in focus for the first time. Eyes bore into him from his party, and yet no one said anything, they couldn’t. Many had called Osmund a monster in his time, they had seen him do bad things to bad people, and yet none would call him a monster, for there is no such thing. Osmund is not some black death, he’s another beast entirely.
For the first time Osmund admired his surroundings, the inner walls were now filled with wreckage, and looked back to the tent. It was amazing how quickly the medics could establish tents, the battle had occurred for less than an hour and already there were three tents established side by side. Besides the wounded Vaunghe soldier were three other injured soldiers, each seeming to be hit by a minor injury likely from the smoke inhalation.
The captured and surrendered were lined up against the castle's wall, being carefully monitored by over sixty members of the contingent. There were only around twelve or thirteen of the captured, smoke-covered and sputtering. On the ground were bodies, those rookies that tried so valiantly to protect what they cared for. They now lay, looking up to the sky blindly.
Osmund saw the bodies and felt his stomach turn. The desire came back. The shaking returned, alongside it the painful sharp stabbing thoughts. Everything changed, he forgot who he was. What kind of person would approve of this, what even was Osmund was he real or fake, how is he even conceiving things like this. What is reality and why is it real, why can’t he understand-
Silence. Peace. Osmund returned to himself, the shaking never happening at all. He looked down at the bodies and continued to walk. There was nothing he could do for them, not anymore. The eyes of his group bore into him, shattering something that had broken a long time ago. He raised his hand and motioned for his team to follow, leaving this travesty of death and life behind.
Footsteps. Osmund turned to their echoing sound, the way they bounced through the place was unbelievable, the way it echoed between the walls and the castle structure itself. Through open castle gates he ran, a messenger in green, sword in its scabbard and now approaching Osmund. The man tripped on something, a large rock of some sort, before standing, dusting himself off and reaching the group.
“Osmund, we have hit the enemy’s points of defence.” The man was young, maybe twenty, and no more than twenty five.
“And? Where are they?”
“There are three fronts, the first is in the scout’s tower where a group of Vaunghe are amassing weapons and barricades fast. We can no longer enter the tower, as the amount thrown down makes common entrance impossible. The second location is the garden, where we believe the last of the nobles and the King himself are. We’ve faced harsh opposition from the enemies, who have formed a wall of shields to protect the door. Finally we have the guard’s quarters, where a few amount of Vaunghe are in active combat as we speak, although that will likely be taken without need for intervention.”
“Good job soldier.”
“Thank you sir.”
Osmund removes a slip of paper from his garb, and admires it in the sunlight. It was a complex map of Dundis, including the secret passages and escape routes of the entire place. It cost the annulment of many Vaunghe men and women, but was worth all the effort. Consulting the map Osmund noted the existence of an escape passageway inside of the tower. It was obscured behind a wall, thus explaining the lack of windows on that side.
“Report back to your commander that we’ll begin with the tower, there are several clear passages into an alternative staircase. Launching a pincer attack we’ll defeat the enemy and allow for the redistribution of forces. By that time I expect the guard’s quarters to be taken, allowing us to completely overflow any opposition protecting the garden.”
“Yes Osmund, I will inform her now.” And with that the young warrior ran back through the castle’s long iron gates.
And thus, the final battle was upon them. Osmund looked upon Dundis, the last symbol of the people who had taken everything from him, the ones who had slaughtered so many innocents, so many that Osmund cared for, and now the end was finally in sight. But it didn’t feel like the end, Osmund could feel no conclusion approaching, it felt like something else, as if this was all leading into something more, some grand massacre the likes of which Osmund had never seen. There’s a darkness ahead, something far worse to come than the echoes of a fallen monarchy, and as Osmund stands he can feel it inside of him, gesturing sensually, awaiting his return to the beginning. In a mental prison of nonexistent existence lies the mother, a slight smile on her lips. She awaits the grasp of Osmund forevermore.

Hi
A few months ago I posted to Reddit hoping to get some opinions on those who have dealt with momzillas. Instead of that I got a flood of comments basically yelling at me to not get married with her involved and that it was a huge mistake and to get out asap. I should’ve. I should’ve listened. But I didn’t. I shrugged it off and I’ve learned my lesson and it’s one that hurts.
On my wedding day my mom had me up at the ass crack of dawn to get ready. Thing were going great until her boyfriend showed up. For context she’s a mistress. He has a wife and children. Regardless, she harassed me in to inviting him and “he already took the day off you’re an asshole if you make him go to work”. I wanted to keep the peace so I said sure. Shortly after arriving she’s all wrapped up in him as I’m scrambling to get ready. I looked over to her to ask for help and in front of me and a few of my wedding guests he smacks her ass. For me (idk call me crazy?) that’s a huge disrespect to me. I asked her if she was serious and to not be gross on MY wedding day and her reply was “oh here goes —- it’s always about them!!” Yeah duh it’s my wedding day I sure fucking hope it was about me for ONCE. Anyway so her bf tried to hug me and I shoved him away and told him to fuck off cause 1. He was being gross 2. I don’t know him like that 3. He told me to get over it and that everything was fine. I’m so SO thankful my wedding party stepped in to console me and tell me I wasn’t being unreasonable as my mother started cussing to herself and her bf.
From then on, she took me to get my makeup done and to the wedding venue and didn’t speak a word to me. (My SO who got stuck with her bf in a different car didn’t get anything much for marriage advice other than “don’t screw up like I did cause then you’ll be trying to leave like I am”)
We get to the wedding venue late thanks to her, she still gives me nothing for encouragement. Even in the wedding videos you can see she’s just not interested in being there. After we finally got wed, I had our best man step up to sign the papers as a witness. I always told him that he would be the one to sign. As I’m getting him to step over, she’s calling her bf at the same time to sign. I finally put my foot down and told her “no —- is signing” and she rolled her eyes, scoffed and said “ugh of course” and stomped off to wherever the fuck.
We go to take pictures and she’s bitching the entire time and the only time she seemed to want to participate was when she asked ME to take pictures of her and her bf. She also KINDLY reminded me to not post those specific pictures online as to not ruin anything for them. After pictures we head back to our house to eat dinner and she disappeared with her bf for about an hour and a half, comes in, goes to her room and starts having se* with him while my wedding party asks where she is and why she’s not sitting with us to eat.
I’ve since confronted her about this numerous times (we got married Halloween 2022) and every time she says “I will not apologize, it’s my body and my choice and you were rude to my boyfriend” and she continuously makes it about how I reacted to him being disrespectful and acts like I’m the crazy one. That, or she pins it on the fact that I overreacted cause my sister couldn’t make it to the wedding (sister had Covid and was stuck in another country, I wasn’t that butthurt)
Usually on special occasions she will write a heartfelt message or post a bunch of pictures (for me and my siblings birthdays or great accomplishments) and I usually look forward to it. For my wedding day she posted nothing. No heartfelt message, no congratulations. While I know that seems very stupid of me to be upset with it’s a constant thing she does so for her to NOT post was definitely disheartening. I asked her today if she ever intended to make a post and her reply was simply “well I wasn’t happy with you on that day so no.”
To this day she feels absolutely no remorse. Am I stupid for thinking I deserve an apology? I don’t have much family. It was her, my SO and like 4 other people on my wedding day. It wasn’t a lot but her energy shifted the mood for everyone. Every time I look at my wedding pictures I cry. Every time I’m reminded of how she acted I cry. I just wanted her to be there for me. I want her to acknowledge she was in the wrong and ruined my day but to this day she refuses to take accountability.
Thanks for reading. This time, I’m listening to what you guys have to say. I shouldn’t have gotten married but that’s for another post. I do love my SO and don’t regret him in the slightest.

So I’ve been absolutely inlove with this guy since I was 16/17 it’s nearly a decade later. And he’s 6 years older than me (we’ll call him OG)
Off the bat we used to talk all the time, super close, we’d hang out, go hunting, to breakfast and spend all day and night talking to each other. Since I was younger my dad found out, we had went to a football game together and I went over to OGs house and my dad was pissed. He threatened to beat his ass and I was grounded and it was kinda dumb, but I understand looking back since I was only 17 going on 18 when we actually started hanging out alone.
When I went to college we still talked, and he persistently snap chatted me, flirted, and would send me mildly inappropriate snaps (not full nudes) I finally got up the courage one night to text him and ask “what is this? I like you, we’ve been inseparable for like 3 years now” I got back a reply that he was not interested in anything and that we were basically just really good friends (still got weird vibes but began to accept it was never going to be more, I slowly started to distance myself and move on)
2-3 years later (he had came up to see me at school two or three times but nothing ever happened)
I moved home to the same town he lived in after college and again OG started talking to me constantly, I went over to his house a few times, and one night he sent me a text telling me “you can come over and smd and we can mess around if you want” I was annoyed and frustrated so I just ignored him as I didn’t want to be some fling since he was kind of a manwhore.
I shortly started casually dating, he of course found out (our families are friends and his older brother is my dads bestfriend) he would constantly pick on me and tell me not to be hoeing around and that I was a floozy and I shouldn’t be dating.
I tried to ignore him but we have such a past and with the family dynamic I feel like an ass to not talk to him (and I obviously was still inlove with him) so I would just call him on his shit and tell him to fuck off I was an adult and we weren’t together.
OG would come over and hang out, we’d go out to eat, and I started talking him lunch to work and we’d talk all the time— but I was casually dating a few guys.
I started to get serious with a guy that had kids, and OG found out and started making comments about me dating a guy with kids and shouldn’t I find someone who didn’t have kids and so on. Around this time I told OG once again that I still had feelings for him, and I got nearly the same response as the first time. But I was also super confused, because dude why are you so far up my ass but you claim you don’t like me.
So later that year I started dating the guy that I am still with to this day. OG immediately started to pick on that relationship, and would say things like “you’re never around anymore, how’s the Indiana kid” and just being condescending but trying to joke. He eventually started calling me Indiana because I spent time at his apartment out of state.
During the time I started dating my current boyfriend, I completely stopped talking to OG, bound and determined that it wasn’t going anywhere and I needed to move on.
He got a job transfer and met a girl that he is currently still dating. Fast forward like 2-3 years and at his brothers wedding he made his girlfriend stand up and like proclaimed his love for her and said she was the love of his life 🙄 when the speeches were finished he didn’t go see his girlfriend he came to my table, knelt down and put his hand on my leg— super awkward but I honestly don’t like his girlfriend and I wasn’t going to start anything at his brothers wedding.
The morning after the wedding his girlfriend was out of town to see her kid, and when I got to the venue to help clean up he immediately came and hugged me. After the wedding he would talk to me on and off— but seldomly.
About a year and a half ago my boyfriend got a job across the country, and I was planning to move once my lease was up. Two nights before I left I had plans to go to dinner with his brother and his brothers wife who I am very close with, he of course tagged along (his girlfriend was out of town) we went to dinner and he bought my food and drinks we had a great time, I tagged all of them in an instagram that night after dinner and he untagged himself the next day.
The next day I came back over to his brother and sister in law’s house, he showed up and brought his dog, I sat outside with him and his dog and we talked and then he gave me a hug and told me he’d miss me. I went inside and was talking to his sister-in-law and I was nearly in tears and told her “I need someone to tell me if I am making a mistake, I love OG so much, and if leaving is going to jeopardize that I can’t go”
She told me “we all know you’ve loved him since the day you met, and I don’t know what his deal is, but I know he cares about you, but since he won’t open up and talk about it, you need to forget him and do what’s best for you in this situation.” So the next day I left and moved across the country.
From then on over the next year and a half everytime I would fly home he was always around. He would show up to dinner, or at their house, he would always be right by me, always hug me goodbye and always text me for a few days following us seeing each other.

Okay so my great grandfather had many children of which one was my grandfather and one of his sister. From here my side of lineage is: Grandfather-Father-Me On the sister's side is: Grandpa's Sister-Her Son-His Daughter-Her Daughter.
There was no cousin marriage involved since the time of my great grandfather on both side which is quite common in Maharashtrian communities. All the generations have married in same caste however to totally unrelated people.
I am 26 M and now I am literally getting hounded every single day for marriage by parents. I have met the girl and she seems nice. Someone who can fit in our family.
My biggest concern is about the gene multiplication. I can see multiple external genes have been infusd on both sides but still need some opinions whether to proceed further or not.
I actually made a cool flowchart however this sub doesn't allow me to post pictures. Sorry for making this hard. Trust me guys this is not CAT question 😅

After a chat which lasted 20 minutes, one coworker that is more of a close friend started talking about life in general and I said something about how anxious folks often black out in their mind when they speak which may doesn't make sense to others as our mind is blank but body overactive.
I said "You don't look like someone who's overly anxious" but he said he's diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety which resulted later in life.
I told him about how I was always prone to anxiousness in my early childhood and started showing symptoms seriously when I was 12 with DPDR, depression when I was 13. I told him that I was also diagnosed with depression, insomnia and GAD when I was 16 but also with BPD 4 years ago.
He was confused and said that it's impossible, I had no fall outs, it seems like I have boundaries and principles, I seem sure of myself, I seem very calm and rational.
I find that this is my mask, this is also confirmed by my family. I'd rather die than let someone know how much I'm struggling. I'm the kind of person who's so lost but is grasping onto what they know to elevate anxiety.
Symptoms I share with BPD is impulsiveness but not the strong one, it's like when I'm stressed I start being social, binge drinking, not eat, take psychoactive substances, be more active, pick fights a bit more easily but also prone to uncontrollable SH which did lead to diagnosis. My mood swings aren't bad, it's just that I repress my emotions, just fluctuating confidence and as said by others, one day I laugh at their jokes and be extra social and then the next I could disapprove everything said with judgmental expression even if the joke was the same or like having only one day in a week where I'm extra happy and other days I'm left with no energy and snappy. I have rejection sensitivity and last summer I was exposed as having feelings for someone, I was freaking out but this guy came, heard and left in fury. In the same moment, I felt nothing and just said "Let's play beer pong 1v1" as a way to black out and usually this is how I deal with emotions. However, 2 weeks later we were at the party and I went to the toilet and some guy that likes me also went and this guy said "You must be popular among guys" or something like enjoying the spotlight and I attacked him badly, I said something about how I'm not even that kind of girl, what he even think he's accomplishing with that and that it's disgusting. I don't remember what I say under bout of anger but I also split a lot when I'm close to someone, only then you can see my split. I deal with chronic dissociation, DPDR and some kind of amnesia where I don't remember my life when I was younger than 6 and later from 7-12, it lead to people telling me a lot of stuff which I don't know and it left me confused such as me thinking I spent my childhood in a room with computer playing games just for my dad to say I was very social and wouldn't come home from playing with my friends until dark or also not remembering people who used to visit us constantly which is embarrassing, I've lived here since I was born yet I know no one. Lastly, while I seem to have unshakable identity, it mostly comes from my observations of others and thinking through their motives so I stop everything before it even happens, critical thinking and reacting from fear. I've always had better than average critical thinking skills as said by my first grade teacher in elementary school but I was not aware of that. I have no idea who I am, what I stand for, who I want to be or if I'm even able to be "someone", who I was, am I chill or am I temperamental (people are also confused) and simply my identity is badly separated from my consciousness.
In reality, I'm confused because life seems very... easy going? Yet, I never felt worse, it's like my mental health started seriously degrading last year when I was faced with myself. I had a chaotic childhood which I heard from others. Mom and dad who used to fight and yell while I was sitting in a room next to it with my sister and she said I was dissociated. The reason was my dad's absence due to drinking in a pub and it lasted for few months. I was dragged by my mom to the pub in the middle of the night and when he was absent, she used to wash my hair but I've always had massive fear of water going into my ears, nose and eyes but she was so angry that she would just shove shower head into my face and I'd have meltdowns and couldn't calm myself down. I used to slam the doors and objects when angry because I learned it from my mom. I used to fight a lot, had problem in kindergarten. I was badly teased with abandonment from my dad like leaving me outside of the car and saying he'll leave me in the woods in the middle of nowhere and laughing about it with my friends while I was having a meltdown. One memory of my mom being red in the face, crying and yelling straight to my face "No one in this house freaking helps me" while vacuuming and something about how she's going to leave this house and go back to her parents which was a given in any hard situation. I was a child so I wanted to help so the next day I clean everything on my knees and chair just to be asked "What did you do?!" and her checking everything just to correct me. I was "separated" from my sister by my grandmother as for the privilege because I was younger and undeserving of better stuff. Chaotic bullying, neglect and "I have to have better stuff than you and you don't get to say a word" by my sister but the worst of all, manipulation and blackmail. I was a servant because I didn't know better, I was afraid she'll yet again blackmail me if I don't do something she asked me to do. My feelings were denied because "She's your sister, don't fight" and I was shushed from expressing my anger and hurt but the issue was never addressed by my parents, they always said it's who she is. They all played cards with abandonment and I became VERY afraid of it unconsciously. The ones that I remember is only when I was 6 and 2-3 memories from when I was 9, who knows what was happening in between.
I still don't know a lot of stuff but one that baffled me was 5 years ago, I was told I was sucidal due to my sister and her minimizing her feelings because she was feeling worse and one day she came unannounced to my apartment when I was near breakdown and she told me I just snapped, told her some stuff and kicked her out of apartment. I have no memory of it but considering me from that period, it checks out, she has no reason to lie. I was sick of being treated like a diary without it's own feelings, thoughts, wishes so more of a supportive robot who had to listen and help or otherwise I was the worst person ever.
Life now? They're all supportive. Is it because they realized how bad my mental health was and they felt guilt, I don't know. They're still emotionally unavailable and in some way inconsiderate but not nearly as before. My mom doesn't have anger issues as much as before but she seems very repressed, my dad is still avoidant but gets overly immersed in a role of a caretaker when I have dip in my mental health like uncontrollable crying, my sister says she cares and gives me stuff but I can't see it in an altruistic way. I'm full of paranoia, I still split on them badly because I'm used to their old selves, I can't comprehend the change. That's why I have same patterns as I had in my childhood so I repress everything and dissociate and I can seldom realize it's not appropriate to have them as the situation is extremely different now yet I will go back to the old self the moment it gets heated. However, when I'm not BADLY dissociating, I still find myself being very jumpy when I hear the loud noise which gets me into fight or flight mode, it also happened yesterday. I always fight when there's someone yelling or banging objects, it's something uncontrollable. Other times, I'm in the freeze mode.
I still have disorganized attachment style, I still reject people all the time before I get rejected or made fun of, I doubt people and I can't have feelings for anyone or I'd feel overly vulnerable.
I still don't know about my diagnosis but what if I just have CPTSD instead of BPD? I hate that I still have these patterns even tho the situation is different. If I was not hurt by the past, why do I still carry it into the present? I could have a fulfilling life but the fear is always stopping me.
So, anyone with CPTSD like this?

This all started during quarantine, back when online school was the new thing. I thought to myself, "oh its school at home, this should be easy!" I was wrong. It was so fucking difficult because I couldn't pull myself together so I can just do my work. But I got through it.
Then next year. It was in person but I hated my entire class and the teacher seemed to hate me too. I could never get any homework done, I fell behind on chores, and my dad's side of the family had started having serious issues. But I survived.
This year. After the shitshow that was last year and having to watch my father get arrested twice, I asked them to enroll me into an online school. They agreed, and I thought that I'd finally get a break from traditional school and that I'd be able to relax more. I was wrong. The 1st week of school was bumpy at best, and it only went downhill from there. Every meeting I came empty handed with no work to be shown, and I was scolded for it every time. My teacher has an eagle's eye on me and everything I do so even before meetings he would have everything im fucking up on the ready to show my parents in an email, and my parents would yell and scream and threaten to beat me and so on as I just sat there and cried. Now obviously, threatening to beat someone isn't always the best motivator. So I continued to fuck up. Its gotten to the point where the teacher has suggested that I leave the school, and I would love to if it wasn't for the fact that my dad will take everything I have ever had away from me if that happens so I'm stuck. Its gotten so fucking stressful that I started to cut myself. When my parents found out, only my mom really cared about what I was feeling. My dad would just take any reason or proposal I had to make life bearable against me and basically tell me that every problem I have is my fault. Which it probably is but that doesn't mean that I'm not cutting at my arms or that I'm ok. He's told me that he'd rather send me to an institution than let me kill myself. He later used me cutting myself as an argument against my mom. I've had to keep my family from splitting. All of this and they don't appreciate me or my effort. They don't see that I am trying to fix my mistakes. They don't. Fucking. Care. I've started to get better in school but I'm very much considering ending my life but I don't know a painless way to do it. I've tried drowning myself but I couldn't stay in the water. I haven't tried since then but I really want to. I already know how I could do it but I'm too afraid I'll fail. I'm too afraid of what they'll say. All of this because I got fucking lazy. I hate myself.

So, there was this Halloween book that my mom read to me and my brother every Halloween, it was a book about this character who I think is named Franky Jr. or Frankenstein Jr. or something like that. I've looked up both names and nothing comes up that is relevant. Anyway, the book was a picture book, it had an illustration of Franky Jr. on it, and the plot was him and his family (or it might have been just his dad) go out to pick the best pumpkin for the pumpkin contest. I remember one scene in the book where Franky Jr had a sister, with green skin and the Bride of Frankenstein hair. I think she was lounging on the couch or something like that in the book. Also, I remember near the end of the book, there were different monsters judging pumpkins, and I think Franky Jr. and his family might have won the contest. Please help me, I've literally tried looking for the cover of this book everywhere and I cannot seem to find it.

After eighteen long years, I stepped foot on the grasses of the forest of my hometown. As I walked through the dense forest, the sound of rustling leaves and the chirping of little birds surrounded me. I was overwhelmed with the odd feeling of nostalgia. After some time, I reached a glade. This place is filled with both the best and the worst memories of my childhood.
When I was young, I would come here with my little sister, Aria. It was like our secret place, where no one could hurt us. We would wander around, carve stick figures on the trees, and lie down on the grass and stare at the navy-blue sky. Living with an alcoholic father was not easy. But this place was our haven. Spending a few hours there, under the twinkling stars, surrounded by the trees, reminded me that the world was not as inhumane as my house portrayed it to be.
Aria loved exploring. When she was young, she would run after the bees and insects flying in our garden. She also had this weird obsession with shiny objects. Thinking about how she would stare at mum’s ring with her dumbfounded eyes and how her lips would take the shape of a circle in adoration of the white stone always makes me chuckle.
I found teardrops rolling down my cheeks as I walked up to a tall tree and found a drawing carved out on its bark. I was twelve when I had carved out the stick figures of my sister and me holding hands. The worst event of my life played again and again in my mind. We were right here. I remembered how happy I was in the calm before the storm.
The day was March 13, 1997. I was just thirteen, and Aria was seven. I distinctly remember sitting reclined on a tree. Aria was lying on the grass next to me. A cool breeze blew through my hair as I stared at the twinkling stars and the glimmering full moon. That is when I saw five orange lights moving high above the sky. They were moving together in a V-shaped formation with one in the middle and two on either side. It looked like they were all a part of one massive aircraft, which moved very slowly without making any sound.
“Hey Aria, look!” I said and turned towards my sister. But she was not there. I looked forward and saw her far ahead, running towards the lights in the sky. I shouted, “Wait!” But she didn’t stop. I sprung up and ran as fast as I could through the forest, dodging the trees in my way. A flash of bright light pierced through the darkness. It was there for just a few seconds.
My brotherly instincts told me to run faster and faster. My heart was racing as a feeling of dread filled my mind. I looked everywhere, between shrubs, behind trees and rocks. I looked up into the sky to search for the orange lights. They were gone. Aria was gone too.
Aria was the only reason I smiled, the only person whom I considered family. For the next four years, I was all alone in battle, fending for myself, fighting with my father and picking up empty bottles from our living room floor. By the time I was seventeen, I had had enough. So, I packed my bags and ran away to the town nearby. “I let her run away. Where did she go? What were those strange orange lights?” These thoughts haunted me every second of my life, constantly reminding me how bad a brother I was. I always thought I would never return. But then my father’s death forced me to come back here.
I sat against the same tree I did so many years ago and replayed the same moment thousands of times in my mind, trying to change the situation so that Aria would still be sitting next to me. While I was deep in my thoughts, I saw a flash of light in the sky. Then, I heard an animal walking behind me.
I turned around and saw a figure. It was not an animal. A human silhouette grew bigger and bigger as it walked towards me. I was amazed to see the girl standing in front of me. She was thin and withered, her lips were gray, and her skin was pale white. She had cut marks on her arms and right cheek. Her hair was shaved off. But I recognized those sweet brown eyes and that small button nose immediately. That was my sister.
She was staring at me. She had recognized me. A small smile formed on her face. I was overwhelmed by happiness, confusion, excitement and relief. I tried to say something, but I couldn’t find the right words to express the emotions that had taken over me. She came closer. I ran towards her with my arms extended out and hugged her tightly. We stood there for a long time, oceans of tears flowing down our eyes. During that time, I didn’t want to know what had happened. My sister was snuggling in my arms, and she was safe. That is all that mattered.

My(f29) mom passed away suddenly in the middle of last year and it hit me hard. I moved away from home 5 years ago and now live an 18 hour flight away. The last time I saw her was before the pandemic when i managed to visit for a week.
It happened completely out of the blue. One day she was telling me she didn't feel too well, she maybe had a cold, the next she was heading into hospital for treatment because she was having difficulty breathing. It took 2 days to go from nothing to me getting a call from my cousin in tears telling me she was gone. No one was even that worried, we all thought she'd be fine. The doctors said she'd be fine but she just suddenly crashed in the night.
I've never been the beat with dealing with trauma. I have a traumatic past and have gone through some things that I've been to therapy for and I know I've developed some unhealthy coping mechanisms. One of which is just shutting down and getting on with things. Sounds fine? It's not. It means I don't deal with things. And it's not a decision I make, it just happens and then one day suddenly I realise wait, I'm not fine, I'm in fact very not fine.
It really sucks because I can go on for months thinking I'm ok and not suffering and then one day everything just hits me all at once.
Well that's what happened here. When I heard the news I cried harder than I ever have in my life. I live with my boyfriend and he was home when I got the news. He was worried because he'd never heard me cry like that before. After the initial tears I sort of went into survival mode and just started preparing for my trip home to get everything arranged. I told myself I could grieve when I get there but until then I needed to push through.
We booked the first possible flight and we're on our way. While I was there it was a lot of getting things done, speaking to family, passing in the news to her few friends and having to sit there as they all cried at me about the sudden news and how they'd miss her.
Now, I didn't really leave my mom in the best position. My family has never been a very stable one and after I left it feels like things fell apart even more. My dad divorced my mom and it was messy. He ended up getting married to someone he worked with and that hit hard. My mom hadn't worked since before she had my older brother so she didn't have much if anything to fall back on.
She was always struggling for money and would ask me every now and then for money for bills. I hate how I responded, I was cruel. I had the money, but I told myself not to get tricked into funding her for the rest of my life. Looking back I wish I'd spent every paycheck making her life better.
I have a lot of regrets about how I treated her. She was by no means a Saint but she loved me and took care of me. She developed paranoid schizophrenia when I was in college and caused me so much stress I ended up dropping out because I couldn't deal with it. She then kept on bringing up how I gave up and I disappointed her and my father so much. I hated it, but I never once blamed her to her face. I knew if I did she'd just say I was making excuses. But it wasn't her fault. She was sick and eventually she got help and the medication she needed. She became herself again. I'm glad I managed to get her that help at least, that she didn't have to go to the end feeling so scared.
But that's just how it's been for the past year. I keep thinking about how much I miss her, then remember the times she was cruel or spiteful, then feeling guilty because despite everything she was my mom.
This turmoil has led me to be damned near useless in everyday life. I go through the motions. I get up, go to work, get home and eat my dinner then just go to bed. All the while pretending I'm ok. And usually it's fine. But I feel empty, aimless. I've stopped doing my share of the chores all together. My boyfriend, bless him, has been nothing but supportive. He's the only person who really sees my pain and the main reason I'm making this post. I feel so guilty that I've put so much on him. I've tried doing everything I can to actually grieve. To force myself to face the pain. Even this post is one such attempt. If I talk through it maybe I can actually start healing. Because as it stands as soon as no one is around or as soon as I need to try to sleep it pushes through and I'm a mess.
I cry almost as hard as that first day. I cry so much my chest hurts and my throat feels raw. Sometimes I force myself to cry quietly so that my boyfriend can sleep.
It doesn't help that when I do actually fall asleep I have incredibly vivid dreams (a reaction to some of my medication) that have been about nothing but my mom, and going home and regrets.
I want to get back to doing my share of the work. I want to get back to feeling like myself. I know I'm depressed. I was depressed before this happened, for completely different reasons. I'm already on medication for it and already in therapy. I don't know what else to do. I'm so tired of feeling sad and empty.
By all accounts my life is going well. I have a job and a house and a living supportive boyfriend. I can put a smile on my face and go through my days without issue. But inside its just pain and I feel so guilty for not enjoying the life that I have. Especially when most of my guilt comes from not giving my mom a better one.

We went to Dave and Busters as a belated birthday meet up. The entire establishment at 7:00pm on a Sunday was swarming with parents and kids. Each couple I did see had three to five kids, it was crazy! Nothing out of the ordinary but the cashier was louder than all of these familys, "I CAN HELP THE NEXT PERSON!!!" I can hear her annoyance and seething rage, she lives in a box at the entrance to a zoo where nobody knows what the fuck they are doing. (A reason I quit working with the general public.) We buy some credits to play games, she blasts through her script that she's only said 50,000 times during her shift, of how many credits we got, and yells out again that she's ready for the next idiot in line before we are even handed the receipt.
We wander the game room while we waited for 2 hours for a table to eat at. And when we finally sat down the restaurant side was a ghost town. We asked our waitress to split our checks and she says "If I do that the food will come out one at a time rather than all at once." We figured we'd all be talking and whatever so fine we said... que the orders coming out 15 mins apart... by the time I started eating half the table had finished.
I sat next to bestie's wife, because I wanted to have an opportunity to smooth out the last kerfuffle (see my first post of how memes from kidsarefuckingstupid are offensive) and while it was brought up, the conversation didn't linger, and apologies were had, but a little nugget she shared is why she wants a kid - as she never had a family of her own (entire life in foster care until 18) so she's gonna do it herself, along with the "I always had this desire to have my own."
So selfish reasons like the usual moms in limbo lala land.
My bestie works his ass off at a home improvement store, been there for almost 10 years, and she reveals that he doesn't use work insurance. Deductible too high and benefits are meh for someone like him (diabetic) to really benefit. So they pay insurance out of pocket despite working for a million, billion dollar company. His life revolves around work, and because he has done cl-open shifts, 12 plus hours, ect. Work has no problem keeping him working those shifts.
And while I'm not focused on thier need to get knocked up, I think of all these things... where will they have any time to actually spend with their kid... then on top of it there's weekly school shootings???
My niblet is failing scool at 12 years old, and I know they see the writing on the wall as I did in ye olde 90's. There's no point to doing well in school, as it doesn't help to get a job anyway. And my sister has done everything in her power to help, therapy (they don't talk to the therapist), after school camp, one on one... and my sister feels helpless and I don't want to be cruel, but like, shit, you know how shit this world is and yet here we are running in the same rat-wheel for that same carrot on the stick. Her life, my life, my niblet's life... we're all rats.
I saw that article of the Guardian saying that we are dancing ever closer to an extinction if (and they will) temperatures keep rising.
I think there's too much ignorance... but also who can give a fuck when they're a paycheck away from being evicted? It's why we haven't rioted like the French -- that and 40% of people love bootlicking and 1% doesn't have a clue that you can get a pizza delivered because they fly to Paris for a bagel and Japan for a rice ball and be back in their mansion before nightfall.
They're already building luxury bunkers to waste away in a hole I guess...
Anyway, I wasted $120 in an establishment that didn't have any toilet paper in the entire women's bathroom while I got a perfect mini slice of what a shit-show life is.

im not gonna bullshit around what happened. here it is, and I am not afraid to be criticized so please please please, I want to be better:
I (22F) and my ex (26M) have been in a beautiful, loving relationship for about 9 months. We met last year, and we fell deep in love with one another. Our values, beliefs, goals, and future. lifestyles, family, preferences ALL LINED UP. And attraction, amazing sex life, and respect, we were each other BEST FRIENDS. We treated each other with unconditional love and care. Anytime we "fought" in person, it was easily resolved because we always argued with respect and passion, and always understood one another, even if it hurts. We were very healthy and compatible.
However, 3 months ago, my bf (at the time) had to go on a 3-month work trip (which he is still there and I am in our home city). We planned to stay together and make it work. However, because his career hit an exponential rise in workload, our initial plans to "stay in touch" began to dissipate.
Now, out of our 9 months together, THIS specific month was too much to compromise. I am about to explain what happened, and I would love to hear outside perspectives if this is something that is "normal" in relationships, and can be reconciled if the love truly is unconditional.
I want to give you traits as to who I am, and who he is, as a person. Because these factors really make or break relationships.
Both, my partner and I share similar core traits that we love about each other- Compassion, self-awareness, understanding, empathy, kind, ambitious, family oriented. We also are very very sensitive. We both are very sensitive to each other's moods and tones and can read each other like a book.
My ex (26M) is very mature, well rounded, self-sufficient, and confidence. Basically, this man is an amazing person. He is beautiful inside and out. Of course people have flaws, but I was able to love his flaws while we were together. and He loved me for that. We never had any malicious or evil intent. No game-playing, no lying, no deception. He is pure genuine love.
Now, I would describe myself the same way. I have so much love for the world, and I am dedicated to becoming a child psychologist to fulfill my need to heal. However, I struggle with regulating my emotions when specific triggered appear.
the thing is, everyone, EVERYONE, has "Demons", "triggers" child hood trauma...
And my ex (26M) has effectively been able to work on his issues and keep up with them (ofc he would slip up a couple times, but easily forgivable).
But, since I am (22F) with not much life or romantic experience. So I fucked up. I FUCKED UP REDDIT. I let an immature survival response scare the man I love away.
This month, while he's been away on work, the phone communication was cut almost more than half. His work had gotten so busy, that he didn't realize that his free time would have been so taken up. And be basically uninvited me to come visit him for 2 reasons: 1. He is very busy, and wants to focus on his work, 2. He could tell I was struggling mentally and suggested I reach out to my family or friends so he doesn't need to worry about me all the time.
I struggle with "depressive" and "manic" episodes, however, they are very rare because I am medicated, and treated. My boyfriend always knew of my issues, but never became an issue. until we were away for each other for 3 months, I regressed 20 years and became an ADULT BABY. I mean, I was screaming, crying, on the phone. Blowing his phone up like a crazy crazy person. He asked for a break, but since I was out of my mind, I flipped out again.
I called him 4 days ago, he answered aggressively. He rarely gets angry or holds a grudge. Bit He told me I crossed his boundaries, and that he is so overwhelmed that he cant give me anything anymore. He said I don't believe him when he says he loves me, and that he is coming back for me. So he broke up with me. He said to not reach out and he wouldn't reach out.
We haven't spoken in almost a week.
I am devastated. It snapped me completely out of that manic craze.I am faced with the consequences of taking love for granted.
I know my fault, I want to be better, and I am getting better. My whole perspective of who I am , and who I REALLY WANT TO BE is so clear now. And I know I NEVER want to be that girl again.
I am grieving over the loss that someone who told me our love was special and doesn't lie, yet it somehow still ended because of an immature stupid mistake that sensibly would scare a man away forever.
My ex arrives back to our home city full time in THREE WEEKS.
We still have each others stuff. I am watching his plants, clothes, keys. wtc.
All our families and friends still follow each other and view each other's stories. even after a week of no contact.
My ex also said he really doesn't want to break up with me, but he has no choice. I cqnnot decifer if that means he will forgive and reach out, or if he throws away anyone with one sight of a red flag.
But the type of person he is, he knows, people define who they are by the mistakes they never do again. He believes its how people grow and conquer that define character. and if he is that mature, I believe he may be open to allowing me to properly apologize in person.
If I really really know who he is based on our beautiful relationship and love, there is NO WAY in which he would leave our very last phone call the way it ended over ONE heated misunderstanding:(. My gut tells me he will reach out when he is back, and is settled, and is healed from the trauma I caused him. and honestly, he is such a beautiful person, that I wouldn't be angry if he never reached out. Because I know I took for granted true love, and its my responsibility to pick up the pieces.
I just know, once we look into each others eyes again, after 3 months of tragic heart ache, all the unfinished sensations of awe, attraction, mysteriousness, and passion. I truly feel our love was special. And once he is reminded of all the healthy and amazing memories when he is settled back home after a stressful 3 month work trip, maybe he will reach out. maybe he will want his stuff.
And that can be my moment is just show him, even if its a 5 second goodbye, that I am healthier, happier, and more independent than before. I want to glow. I want to glow even brighter than when he first fell in love with me
And he will see how my flaws are beautiful, just like how I see his flaws as beautiful.
Or am i in denial?
did i lose true love?

This isn't taking legal factor into account. My legal name is still my birth name and I've kinda put off changing it for this reason.
I came out to my friends/family in 2019 and started using the name Kira in 2020 or so. It felt like it was the perfect fit for so long but recently I've had a lot of doubts... I've started to also have strong connection to Jess (short for Jessica.) I'm having a really hard time between the two and I'm scared to tell anyone (other than my close friends, who have been trying Jess out with me as of lately.) I have concerns over if I were to change my name again though... my family, especially my mom and sister, would almost certainly go back to her "it's just a phase".... phase. She already has a hard enough time calling me Kira as is, let alone if I were to change that. Also my job... I'm the youngest person at my job (not gonna say exactly what I do, but I work in the media industry.) Most of the people I directly work with are at least nice and "accepting" to my face, and some I think genuinely are, but I can't tell which are just putting on a nice face because they have to.
Anyways, sorry for the long post. I'm just incredibly lost and have so much anxiety over this whole situation it's making me sick.
If the additional info helps, I'm 19 y/o in the midwest.

If you haven’t, which you should! Bioshock Infinite introduces us to the Handymen, half man, half machine who are op as fuck. And basically, I don’t like them.
The Design is totally fine, pretty neat but it’s the gameplay, the story and just the reason why they are they just makes me NOT like them compared to the Big Daddies.
Lets start of with the big things The gameplay and the reason. They go hand and hand and I will explain why through the Big Daddies.
In order to become more powerful and survive in the harsh world of Rapture you must get the Little Sister who are “little Adam factories” but in order to get the little sisters you have to fight, the Big Olde Daddy dearest. I love this gameplay element as it builds up your confidence and helps you get use to different strategies to take them down, freeze them and explode them? Go blood Mary on them with a machine gun? Use your telekinesis to throw random bullshit at them? Their just fun to do! You have all the weapons and all the tools to take them down and it’s just more satisfying!
And the reason, why are you killing them in the first place. Your killing them to get stronger, faster, smarter and to see if you have what it’s takes to survive in Rapture. It’s necessary or not, but it’s pretty awesome game play element!
Now for the reason and Gameplay for Handymen…it’s shitty. Gameplay isn’t half as exciting as you only have HALF of your arsenal, you take use all you got as your more limited with your choices, sure it’s where you have to strategize but it’s not as half as fun as Bioshock 1 and 2 as you had, minor turrets, security bots, explosives, machine guns YOU NAME IT! But for Infinite, it just feels more meh to me, the Plasmids or Vigors to me feel more like dust then liquid, as in it’s not as half effective towards a handyman and all I can do it’s just shoot at them or run away and that’s just not fun at all as the fucker is a sponge for my bullets.
And there’s no reason to kill these guys! Every time I had a choice I would run away from them as I see no point to killing them, they give me nothing. I don’t feel stronger, I don’t feel faster and I don’t feel smarter taking them on…i feel annoyed that the guy is taking HALF OF MY BULLETS! There’s no creativity, no fun, no machine gun :((( Just…shooting and running and that sucks ass.
With the story…both are amazing in that department. To learn that both of these…creatures were forced to be this way is horrifying to say the least! One forever to protect a child and became less then man, just because you committed an act against Andrew Ryan…the other, a special Handyman pulled away from death from his wife, just so she doesn’t have to loose him, her darling husband but he also became lest then man himself, he becomes expendable…a slave is just so sad…I what more of that in infinite.
I can say ALOT about infinite but what I can say is it finest feel like a Bioshock game, it has elements but those elements are rare…it just feels…rush for its long LONG game creation. Like a beautiful scribble on a canvas…like the other two Bioshock are Van Gogh paintings on a simple piece of paper.
But hey, that’s my opinion.

im not gonna bullshit around what happened. here it is, and I am not afraid to be criticized so please please please, I want to be better:
I (22F) and my ex (26M) have been in a beautiful, loving relationship for about 9 months. We met last year, and we fell deep in love with one another. Our values, beliefs, goals, and future. lifestyles, family, preferences ALL LINED UP. And attraction, amazing sex life, and respect, we were each other BEST FRIENDS. We treated each other with unconditional love and care. Anytime we "fought" in person, it was easily resolved because we always argued with respect and passion, and always understood one another, even if it hurts. We were very healthy and compatible.
However, 3 months ago, my bf (at the time) had to go on a 3-month work trip (which he is still there and I am in our home city). We planned to stay together and make it work. However, because his career hit an exponential rise in workload, our initial plans to "stay in touch" began to dissipate.
Now, out of our 9 months together, THIS specific month was too much to compromise. I am about to explain what happened, and I would love to hear outside perspectives if this is something that is "normal" in relationships, and can be reconciled if the love truly is unconditional.
I want to give you traits as to who I am, and who he is, as a person. Because these factors really make or break relationships.
Both, my partner and I share similar core traits that we love about each other- Compassion, self-awareness, understanding, empathy, kind, ambitious, family oriented. We also are very very sensitive. We both are very sensitive to each other's moods and tones and can read each other like a book.
My ex (26M) is very mature, well rounded, self-sufficient, and confidence. Basically, this man is an amazing person. He is beautiful inside and out. Of course people have flaws, but I was able to love his flaws while we were together. and He loved me for that. We never had any malicious or evil intent. No game-playing, no lying, no deception. He is pure genuine love.
Now, I would describe myself the same way. I have so much love for the world, and I am dedicated to becoming a child psychologist to fulfill my need to heal. However, I struggle with regulating my emotions when specific triggered appear.
the thing is, everyone, EVERYONE, has "Demons", "triggers" child hood trauma...
And my ex (26M) has effectively been able to work on his issues and keep up with them (ofc he would slip up a couple times, but easily forgivable).
But, since I am (22F) with not much life or romantic experience. So I fucked up. I FUCKED UP REDDIT. I let an immature survival response scare the man I love away.
This month, while he's been away on work, the phone communication was cut almost more than half. His work had gotten so busy, that he didn't realize that his free time would have been so taken up. And be basically uninvited me to come visit him for 2 reasons: 1. He is very busy, and wants to focus on his work, 2. He could tell I was struggling mentally and suggested I reach out to my family or friends so he doesn't need to worry about me all the time.
I struggle with "depressive" and "manic" episodes, however, they are very rare because I am medicated, and treated. My boyfriend always knew of my issues, but never became an issue. until we were away for each other for 3 months, I regressed 20 years and became an ADULT BABY. I mean, I was screaming, crying, on the phone. Blowing his phone up like a crazy crazy person. He asked for a break, but since I was out of my mind, I flipped out again.
I called him 4 days ago, he answered aggressively. He rarely gets angry or holds a grudge. Bit He told me I crossed his boundaries, and that he is so overwhelmed that he cant give me anything anymore. He said I don't believe him when he says he loves me, and that he is coming back for me. So he broke up with me. He said to not reach out and he wouldn't reach out.
We haven't spoken in almost a week.
I am devastated. It snapped me completely out of that manic craze.I am faced with the consequences of taking love for granted.
I know my fault, I want to be better, and I am getting better. My whole perspective of who I am , and who I REALLY WANT TO BE is so clear now. And I know I NEVER want to be that girl again.
I am grieving over the loss that someone who told me our love was special and doesn't lie, yet it somehow still ended because of an immature stupid mistake that sensibly would scare a man away forever.
My ex arrives back to our home city full time in THREE WEEKS.
We still have each others stuff. I am watching his plants, clothes, keys. wtc.
All our families and friends still follow each other and view each other's stories. even after a week of no contact.
My ex also said he really doesn't want to break up with me, but he has no choice. I cqnnot decifer if that means he will forgive and reach out, or if he throws away anyone with one sight of a red flag.
But the type of person he is, he knows, people define who they are by the mistakes they never do again. He believes its how people grow and conquer that define character. and if he is that mature, I believe he may be open to allowing me to properly apologize in person.
If I really really know who he is based on our beautiful relationship and love, there is NO WAY in which he would leave our very last phone call the way it ended over ONE heated misunderstanding:(. My gut tells me he will reach out when he is back, and is settled, and is healed from the trauma I caused him. and honestly, he is such a beautiful person, that I wouldn't be angry if he never reached out. Because I know I took for granted true love, and its my responsibility to pick up the pieces.
I just know, once we look into each others eyes again, after 3 months of tragic heart ache, all the unfinished sensations of awe, attraction, mysteriousness, and passion. I truly feel our love was special. And once he is reminded of all the healthy and amazing memories when he is settled back home after a stressful 3 month work trip, maybe he will reach out. maybe he will want his stuff.
And that can be my moment is just show him, even if its a 5 second goodbye, that I am healthier, happier, and more independent than before. I want to glow. I want to glow even brighter than when he first fell in love with me
And he will see how my flaws are beautiful, just like how I see his flaws as beautiful.
Or am i in denial?
did i lose true love?

Emergency foodstuff is essential for a range of reasons. It’s vital because, in the occurrence of earthquakes, tempests, as well as other catastrophes getting the desired food supply can be difficult. Thus by having food storage freeze dried, you can ensure the survival of your entire family and avoid paying more due to food crises.

Given the extent of story copies/exchanges, would it make you happy or sad, if…
Picard turns out to be a Trek-tiVerse version of the exotic origin 'Timeless Child' in 'Doctor Who'? S1 sets the tech & social envrionment, stakes + even recognies, but rejects, a potential connection with an all-synthetic exo-dimension. In S2, his "mother" (biological, or not) driven mad by the realization of what she's participating in, & its implications for Jean-Luc's future, relationships + family options, abandons him. The rest of S2 establishes a connection, for him, with his 'Locutious' tech & perspectives, with a "kinder gentler" (if splinter – the Chicago Grease Monkey doesn't recognize it) sub-sect, the Borg-ati;. By S3, Beverly is established as a Tecteun equivalent – [not a Trek 'Traveler', but a traveler] who takes original genetic material (in the form of Jack) & works (off-camera) on Regeneration, which is why everyone is after Jack, &/or the Pi-carcass (at Daystrom), to achieve Regeneration (1st version being into cybernetic bodies) & perhaps also the cause of Jack's dreams? Somewhat convoluted, perhaps, but no more so than either series.

This isn't taking legal factor into account. My legal name is still my birth name and I've kinda put off changing it for this reason.
I came out to my friends/family in 2019 and started using the name Kira in 2020 or so. It felt like it was the perfect fit for so long but recently I've had a lot of doubts... I've started to also have strong connection to Jess (short for Jessica.) I'm having a really hard time between the two and I'm scared to tell anyone (other than my close friends, who have been trying Jess out with me as of lately.) I have concerns over if I were to change my name again though... my family, especially my mom and sister, would almost certainly go back to her "it's just a phase".... phase. She already has a hard enough time calling me Kira as is, let alone if I were to change that. Also my job... I'm the youngest person at my job (not gonna say exactly what I do, but I work in the media industry.) Most of the people I directly work with are at least nice and "accepting" to my face, and some I think genuinely are, but I can't tell which are just putting on a nice face because they have to.
Anyways, sorry for the long post. I'm just incredibly lost and have so much anxiety over this whole situation it's making me sick.
If the additional info helps, I'm 19 y/o in the midwest.

I recently moved a few hours away from my hometown after transferring universities due to my parents disowning me. It has been the hardest adjustment of my life. I pay all my bills on my own and am struggling to even have extra money for groceries each week. Not only am I sinking financially, but my relationship with my parents continues to be an extremely touchy subject and though things have slowly gotten better, and we've started talking, it's still a very delicate situation as my household was a very toxic one growing up. I've slowly made a good group of friends from work and even started entertaining a boy I had interest in at work (terrible decision). Things were getting better and I was adjusting living on my own and being in a new city however this last week things have come crashing down and I feel mentally drained and so unhappy.
I had grown close to a group of girls I work with but had grown extremely close to one in particular. We hung out 4/5 times a week, always at each other's place, I went to her hometown and visited her family, overall, we were inseparable, and we felt like sisters at this point. I did everything I could for her as I am extremely loyal to those I call my friends and always feel the need to help them out even to the risk of my mental state. For example, her car had broken down and I spent the whole week driving her to and from classes, to and from work and doctors' appointments. This obviously costed me money, time, and energy, but I was happy to help a friend in need. Recently, my friend group went to my friend's bday party and the night resulted in the end of our friendship. Long story short, we ended up at a bar downtown and she refused to leave with the rest of us when our friend was throwing up and blacked out. She stormed out of the bar and after multiple attempt from many of us to get in touch with her so that she would come back (she never responded), we finally left as we were extremely concerned for our friend who was blacked out and even started worrying she may have had alcohol poisoning for how badly she was doing. This being said, the reason my friend wouldn't leave with us was bc she hoped to hook up with a guy that had joined us downtown and insisted she wouldn't leave until he got back from going to get food. This mad me more upset than anything bc I've always known that she has a lot of hookups but I'm not one to judge on that, so I always ignored it. It was the fact that she displayed such a lack of care for our very ill friend just for the possibility of hooking up with this guy (who she was throwing herself at all night). The moment I knew our friendship was over however when she began texting me later that night hurling insults to me. She went as far as to then say, "no wonder you have a fucked-up relationship with your parents, I wouldn't love you either". She knew exactly how hard it was for me not having a good relationship with my parents and chose to say that because she knew it's what would hurt me the most. This ended our friendship and since then we haven't talked and while she's reached out to all of our mutual friends, she has only continued to talk badly about me to them and on social media. My only saving grace is that all of our mutual friends have taken my side in this as they know she was undeniably in the wrong. However, it hurts so badly being so close to this girl and having her disregard your friendship completely over a guy she barely knew. Even after all of this I haven't said anything bad about her, especially on social media (which ive now removed her from).
Secondly, the same day ironically, the guy that I had been interested in and (regrettably) hooked up with ended things and said he wanted to be friends and nothing more. I can't help but feel so used and hurt as he was the first guy I had ever been with and the fact that he acts so indifferent to me now makes me feel so worthless and used. Not only that but he goes out of his way to talk to all of my friends and flirt with them all while ignoring me and pretending nothing happened with me. I'm not saying I was forced into having sex with him or anything but had I known this is how he was going to act I absolutely would have made different decisions. Please don't judge me for my decision to sleep with him as I absolutely regret it already.
I'm so tired of being there for everyone but only feeling valued when I have something to offer, whether be it sex, money, time, car rides, or whatever else. My mental state has taken such a hit and I've seriously fallen into a deep depression that I'm not sure how to get out of. Posting to this forum is kind of my last resort since its anonymous and I can speak freely (which I don't feel like I can do with my friends). I'm so sorry if this is long or if there are many typos as I'm typing this with tears streaming down my face. I feel so lost and empty. I'm a person who loves deeply and falls hard and it seems to always be unreciprocated or get thrown back into my face. I'm hurting so badly but having to act like I'm perfect bc I dont want to annoy my friends. I really don't know what to do at this point.

Pizza Gate
A lot of arguing going on in this episode, let's get to it...
Before the show starts, we see after they leave the party last episode. Tre, Danielle and Jen A are with their husbands driving home from the party. Danielle says "The one person you don't want to have as an enemy, ME!! The "Me" sounded like a combination of a roaring lion and Al Pacino. It was something.
The next morning, we have breakfast at the Jen A with her guests. At the same time, we see Rachel and her guests eating breakfast together with her side. Of course, both sides are talking about the other side while having breakfast. Shocker! Later on, both groups will get together for lunch at Rachel's.
At Rachel's house one of the subjects is Danielle. They are very 'concerned' about why Danielle doesn't talk to her brother. Let me make this clear. The Marge doesn't speak to her kids and Jackie doesn't speak to a sister. Why do these busybodies care why she doesn't speak to her brother? Here's an idea, instead of focusing on Danielle, try fixing your own family, including you, Melissa. Damn! Now Melissa whines about her mom not being invited. The Marge asks her if she is happy Louie invited her mother to the wedding. Melissa wonders if it is a genuine invite, ffsakes get over yourself. Yes, Melissa. He meditated on it and deep down in his heart and soul he wants your mother there so bad. Is that good enough for you? Melissa's mother tweeted or liked not so nice things about Teresa years ago, so stop pretending there is a love fest here. It is not. Teresa forgave but why would she want someone who slammed her on social media at her wedding?
Now let's get to Joey and pizza gate. Joey tells them Louie is nice but sometimes a dick. Producers ask if something happened between them. Joey tells them that yes something happened. There are two sides which we will get to. Back at Jen's Teresa comes clean with her friends and tells them that Louie lost 250k investing in a pizzeria for Joey called Nonno's that Joey wanted to do with Teresa. Joey put down zero percent. Louie's lawyer said to give Joey 5% and he flipped out, because it was his idea to call it Nonno's. Idea? Pay up or deal is done! Joey also said Teresa changed the name to Skinny Pizza. I doubt she changed the name, sounds fishy to me. Joey is annoyed. Louie is not. Joey lost no money. Louie lost 250k. Why is Joey mad about this? He lost nothing. Furthermore, a few seasons back, Joey opened a pizzeria, what happened to that restaurant? It just vanished? Of course, The Marge has to butt in to say this is so hurtful to Joey.
Rachel's Lunch it starts off okay. Oh, Adult Jennifer arrives, she has a husband named Jeff. Word on the street is people in her town don't like her, which makes her a perfect fit for being The Marge's friend of the show.
Okay party is on. The Marge, Jackie, Dolores, Adult Jennifer and Melissa's are still talking about the mother not being invited. All of them. I can't. Stop with this storyline. She was invited, so what's the problem now?Teresa tells Joey all he had to do was come to her and ask her to invite his MIL and she would have, instead he and Melissa are whining to strangers (cast members) about this.
Now we have The Marge pull aside Danielle and scold her for spreading gossip about The Marge having an arsenal of information about the women. First of all, Danielle only discussed it with Rachel, but Rachel who was talking about it as well, being the snake that Rachel is, ran back and told The Marge what BOTH Danielle and Rachel discussed. Rachel just conveniently left out the part that she participated in the discussion. Also, The Marge is the town's gossip that tells everyone's secrets. Hey, she is such a gossip she probably worked her way up to the Garden's State gossip by now. So why is she so mad? She knows she spreads secrets (Jen A and Bill) and tries to destroy relationships (Louie and Teresa). Rachel Joins The Marge and Danielle. Rachel twisted it to make it seem like it was Danielle gossiping about The Marge. Rachel is a pot stirrer and Danielle is done with her. I knew these two wouldn't be friends. Oh, the irony -- The Marge tells Danielle to stop gossiping all over the place. This is projection from The Marge onto Danielle.
Now we have Louie trying to make peace between Teresa, Melissa and Joey. Give it up Louie, they even brought in therapists to repair their family. It's not going to happen. First Louie grabs Melissa to talk. He brings up her mother's invite and how wonderful Melissa's mother has been to him and his boys.
Meanwhile close by at the party, Jackie's talking about Teresa's non invite with Jen A and Dolores. Teresa's fed up by now, she wants to know why everyone is talking about this. So do I. Jackie tells her Melissa is her best friend and is very upset about this. Gag!! Tre tells her if she is so upset let her call her sisters and discuss HER guest list. Get her Tre! I can't help it, these women are being so catty towards Teresa. It's a guest list, get over it. And Melissa's mother is no saint. She said horrible things online about Teresa. Danielle chimes in to say stop gossiping about my brother. She said I blocked him on Instagram, and he lost his mind and that was it. The ladies say maybe it is the SIL (which it probably is) but mind your own business. Why do they care so much? I don't care why. Danielle tells them she is done and leaves the party. The Marge calls her a drama queen. No, she just doesn't like gossipy women talking about a sensitive subject. Danielle tells us in her confessional she is heartbroken about her brother and these women are making it worse. Danelle, you shouldn't have told them!!
Back to Louie, while he is professing his love for Melissa and her family, Teresa tries to join in on the conversation. Louie tells her to respect their space and she is not making any sense what she is saying. All she said is that she wanted to know what is going on with the wedding invite, and everyone is talking about it. She also said there's history with the family. Yeah, that bothered me. He is not a therapist, and he has no right to scold Teresa and kick her out of the conversation. This is her side of the family's problem. He can't control how it all goes down. If Teresa wanted to be there and say her peace, she should be allowed to. Teresa walks away. Joey joins and Louie welcomes him. This is so weird. Okay Louie is forgiven for now ... He does say he feels bad about the invite and all the hurt between Tre, Melis and Joey, but Teresa is hurt as well, and he is marrying her in 4 weeks and wants peace. Maybe his intent is good but stop with your 'therapy' speeches with Teresa on camera.
Back at the gossip table with the women. Teresa tells them her brother Joey needs therapy. Jackie tells her that is not nice. What? Therapy is not nice? Teresa goes off on her and tells her to get out of her fucking face. I would too. Jackie needs to go. I am sick of her and her nasty digs. She brings nothing but negativity and starts in with people. Teresa tells her she is getting involved with family and needs to keep out of it.
Now back to Louie and Joey, Melissa walked away to let them talk. Louie tells Joey he wears Nonno's pajamas to make his nieces feel safe. Joey's face is priceless, like wtf did he just say? It is kind of weird, but whatever. Now Teresa joins in, and they have a therapy session about the wedding. Enough! Invite, don't invite, attend, don't attend. Melissa joins in and more wedding talk. Ugh!! It gets heated and Teresa walks away. She tells Louie to fix it, she is done. So is America. Get another storyline. This time Melissa and Joey leave the party. The Marge walks up and Teresa tells her to make Melissa understand that last year.... suddenly all talk stops! Louie gets up and tells Teresa he is going to leave because he can't take it anymore. I feel you. But he scolds her in front of the group, telling her she doesn't listen. Should she sit there and let him do all the talking? He is on the fence again with me. Too controlling, but she doesn't see it, so they might be a good fit. She is mellow now. I just feel he should say these things off camera. He continues to lecture Teresa while Joey comes back and starts screaming, Louie calms him down and Joey leaves. Either Louie is the Teresa and Joey makeup whisperer, or he's controlling. I can't figure him out.
So there you have it. Pizza Gate started the demise of Louie and Joey's relationship. Teresa's father and sister never talked over $200 give or take. So I think the family is following in their footsteps.